husband got back at half 5 this morning

[bubblegum02]

hello,

based on some of the threads on here, I'm assuming I'm going to get a lot of kill joy comments and the fact it's the euros too but I am annoyed.

my partner said he was going for a "couple" last night. I am 4 months pregnant and we have a one year old. I went to bed at about 10 and heard him come in. when I looked at the time, expecting it to be about half 11 as the pubs round here are still shutting earlier than usual it was half 5!

what has pissed me off about this is, one year old has woken up at 7, we went down about half 7 and of course, he is totally dead to the world. he has slept in our spare room downstairs which is something I suppose.

he was meant to be looking after the one year old for me whilst I go out for lunch today but he isnt responding to me at all. or the one year old.

he was out all day for the game last sunday too, was out pretty much the whole of the bank holiday and last Saturday too.

I'm getting fed up now, I'm not going to be able to leave the one year old with him, it is like he is unconscious and I'm meant to be going at 11.

not cool - pre kids, it wouldnt of been an issue but think he needs to grow up a bit. not against having a bit of fun but rocking in at that time when you are supposed to be looking after your child the next day is taking the piss.

has ruined my day too now and he will inevitably be feeling very sorry for himself.

Terminate this pregnancy??? WTF are you people on this morning

[quote Littlefluffyclouds13]@bubblegum02
I'm howling at 'cool girl' I'm 50, so you're way off the mark.

The phrase 'cool girl' is often used by all the pearl clutching women on threads like this and it's laughable.
There are some seriously controlling partners on this thread and some of the responses would be viewed very differently if you were male and your partner was female.

So he's an arse who regularly does this sort of thing and is also quite possibly regularly taking cocaine too.
Well why on earth are you with him then? Did you not consider this before starting a family?
You've got bigger problems than missing your lunch date![/quote]
Are you - howling? I'm trying to picture a 50 year old falling about laughing over this. Bit odd.

It's possible to be 50 and incredibly immature. Cool girl refers to an attitude, not a particular age limit.

How old is he OP? I'm wondering if he is young enough to grow out of this behaviour or if this is just him. My friends DH is in his 50s and still pulls this shit. If you are passing a chemist today, I would get a drugs test kit, just to see how big a problem you have.

I see why some people are saying go ahead with your plans, so he has to fulfil his responsibilities, but I wouldn't leave my child with someone who was hungover.

Because as a mother I've looked after my dc with a hangover. Ok might not be the best parenting. More snacks and tv than your average day but as long as they are safe it won't hurt as a once off

What an absolute selfish arse. He sounds EXACTLY like my exH,and I put up with his shit for over 20 years! Do not be me, please. I dont mean leave him, but make sure he knows you are seriously, seriously angry and resentful, and he needs to sort himself out sharpish.

Come on now OP, do you not realise how selfish you are being towards your partner. He has only been able to go out multiple times, how dare you expect him to be a responsible adult and parent his own child, while you go out galavanting this one time. Stop being unkind and go and make him that bacon sarnie pp have mentioned. I am being sarcastic before anyone starts.

You're right OP but you're also not making the situation any better.

Pour water over him, play loud music next to him, do whatever you need to do to get him up. He needs to take responsibility for his child, not you going to your mum to take over and let him sleep all day.

YADNBU I would be furious. I'm glad your mum is able to help so you dont have your plans ruined, but that is not really the point. However his actions are incredibly selfish. You and your DC deserve to be treated better OP.

No, no, no, no. You are so far away from being unreasonable it's unreal.

He's massively taking the piss and I would be fuming. It's one thing (still unacceptable when he didn't stick to the agreement of "just a couple" in my opinion) rolling in in the early hours of the morning, but another to do it when he knew it would impact on your day too. He'd bloody well know about it later as well!

I'd be the same about leaving a young child in his care though, you don't know what could happen. I am also dismayed at some of the opinions on here OP, it's not just you.

Leave your baby with your mom, go and try to enjoy yourself, and let him know that he's a selfish twat when you get home.

@cocoloco987

I see why some people are saying go ahead with your plans, so he has to fulfil his responsibilities, but I wouldn't leave my child with someone who was hungover.

Because as a mother I've looked after my dc with a hangover. Ok might not be the best parenting. More snacks and tv than your average day but as long as they are safe it won't hurt as a once off

He's not waking up in spite of numerous attempts. That sounds pretty far beyond the kind of hangover where you can safely look after a 1 year old. And I also have looked after my kids with a hangover but not when I've been out on the lash until 5:30am because there's a world of difference between being hungover snd a bit jaded, to being practically comatose and dangerously incapable.

And if OP DID leave her dc with him, and something happened the police and SS would suggest she was also negligent for leaving such a young child in the care of someone who was so obviously incapacitated.

TL:DR Hungover is one thing, unable to wake up in spite of numerous attempts and normal household noise = an unsafe environment for dc to stay in alone with drunk dh.

I second getting someone who will make him feel embarrassed to know!
A few years ago I was off on annual leave just having got married, and I got a call asking if I could be my nephews emergency childcare for the day as my BiL went out the night before and got so shitfaced he had to call into work sick. My ex SiL had to go to work. He felt an absolute arsehole that his new SiL who didn't have kids of her own was needed to be pulled away from enjoying her annual leave because he was such a drunken loser that he didn't pull that stunt again anytime soon! FYI I had a lovely day with my nephew and to this day have a lovely auntie/nephew relationship with him but that's not the point.

OP, I get your rage and it's not just you having to make other plans, it's the fact he's done this before and you've given up your weekend and now he's going to shamelessly ruin your day. I hope he wakes up with a very sheepish apology for you and pulls his socks up. Personally I'd be having a serious chat about his antics and how this can't go on. I have nothing against anyone enjoying a night out, but like seriously 5.30 is excessive!

@bubblegum02 glad your mum has been able to step in so you don’t have to miss out. It’s not the point though is it? As I said way back at the beginning- he’s in no fit state to look after the toddler and that’s not on. It’s not fair and it not right. Sorry to all the “cool wives” on here but I’m with the op. Your dh behaviour was decidedly Shite. Have you hoovered yet? Have you put the washer on? I do believe you also need to put laptop/ iPad playing dance monkey or baby shark plus the toddler in with him!

If he were mine, he would not be catching up on any of his sleep whilst he's fkd up my day. Doesn't the spare room need a Hoover OP & the walls above the bed need a wash down, or a shelf drilling

& YADNBU

YANBU OP and I really can't believe the posters saying to leave a 1 year old with a man that will still be half cut on their own, you might aswell leave the 1 year old on their own! How is punishing the 1 year old by doing that helping anything? I really can't believe how many people would leave their children in potentially dangerous situations.

@bubblegum02

he is going to be in an absolute vile mood. he cant cope with hangovers.

Oh dear!

If only there was a way to make sure that he never got any

What a selfish twat.

I hope you enjoy your lunch op.

I would be chucking a bucket of water over him as mentioned by a few posters. I would be very unwilling to leave a toddler with a still drunk adult so I understand why you have called your Mum.

A lot of the attitudes to being drunk and hungover are so ingrained in British society they are hard to break. It’s not my culture but I was born and raised in England so I do get it. It meant that I struggled going out with work colleagues in some work places as they loved getting drunk. I remember seeing my middle aged manager, I was really young back then get so drunk she fell off a revolving dance floor in Reflex which was a retro bar, I just felt embarrassed for her.

I’d be crashing the saucepans together until he woke up!

no I havent created anything, it's his behaviour and attitude. I am not responsible for him at all. every sentence in your post there blames me

Of course you have - you have let them away with this shit !

I'd be staying at my mums with the 1 year old and he wouldn't be able to contact me. If he wants to continue behaving like he is, he'd better get used to that as it would become permanent.

@MrsMaizel

no I havent created anything, it's his behaviour and attitude. I am not responsible for him at all. every sentence in your post there blames me

Of course you have - you have let them away with this shit !

no see you're still blaming me there. as an adult he knows what is and isnt acceptable.

OP he is a selfish prick. He’s not being a good father, or a good partner, or a decent human being.

Really low behaviour.

Haven't read to the end, but imvho you must go and enjoy your lunch treat. You deserve it.

i'm evil, but you could always give your dc a saucepan and either a metal or wooden spoon to play with, and tell them that Daddy would like to see/hear them playing on their instrument.

I can remember a TV interview with the late Margaret Patten, a well known cook. Before their first dc was ,born they'd have their dinner and sometimes go out to the local for a drink.

Her DH got a shock, actions speak louder than words. After dinner one night, he got up from the table and went to put his coat on.

She asked him where he was going, and she replied asking him to hang on while she got her coat to go with him. He got the shock of his life, and realised that looking after their baby in the evening was just as much his responsibility as hers. She wasn't being nasty or bitchy about it, just demonstrated that if his life could stay the same then her life could, too;

Was either Parky or Wogan, I can't remember.

He's had umpteen outings during the last month.

He's taking the piss.

Personally, I'd set 2 alarms as well as a saucepan/spoon combo, but I spent 40 years in an abusive marriage before becoming assertive and leaving.. This might colour my view a bit.

Don't understand why you are getting such a hard time over this at all. And I certainly would not be trusting him to be able to look after the little one. I would be worried he would fall back asleep. Glad your mum can help. Would love to see his face when he finally wakes and realise that either MIL is there or you are both gone out (with little with is at hers).

@MrsMaizel

Do stop being a victim blaming dick

You have my sympathies. My ex used to do shit like this (notice he’s an ex). I’d take DD to your mums, have a nice day with your friend and ask your mum if you can stay there tonight.

I’d also be making plans to leave him, if staying away all day doesn’t make him realise his behaviour is unacceptable.

It won’t get better it will get worse when DC2 is born, it sounds like he may be checking out of family life if he’s out every weekend.