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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

husband got back at half 5 this morning

941 replies

bubblegum02 · 19/06/2021 07:39

hello,

based on some of the threads on here, I'm assuming I'm going to get a lot of kill joy comments and the fact it's the euros too but I am annoyed.

my partner said he was going for a "couple" last night. I am 4 months pregnant and we have a one year old. I went to bed at about 10 and heard him come in. when I looked at the time, expecting it to be about half 11 as the pubs round here are still shutting earlier than usual it was half 5!

what has pissed me off about this is, one year old has woken up at 7, we went down about half 7 and of course, he is totally dead to the world. he has slept in our spare room downstairs which is something I suppose.

he was meant to be looking after the one year old for me whilst I go out for lunch today but he isnt responding to me at all. or the one year old.

he was out all day for the game last sunday too, was out pretty much the whole of the bank holiday and last Saturday too.

I'm getting fed up now, I'm not going to be able to leave the one year old with him, it is like he is unconscious and I'm meant to be going at 11.

not cool - pre kids, it wouldnt of been an issue but think he needs to grow up a bit. not against having a bit of fun but rocking in at that time when you are supposed to be looking after your child the next day is taking the piss.

has ruined my day too now and he will inevitably be feeling very sorry for himself.

OP posts:
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 19/06/2021 09:58

I would take all the pain killers, snacks and juice and hide them. I would also turn the TV or something on next to the room, nice and loud. Then when I got back I would be telling him if he does this again he can get to fuck.

CroneAVirus · 19/06/2021 09:58

Lots of Cool Wives with low bars on this thread.

MondayYogurt · 19/06/2021 09:58

He has an order of priorities in his head. The order is this:

HIM and whatever fun he wants to have
His friends and whatever fun they want to have, including illegal drugs
You and the kids

You could probably add Work in there above you too. I expect he also has a hobby that's more important?

So now you know where you stand you can act accordingly. Kicking up a fuss might bump you up temporarily as he wants to shut you up, but it won't ever put the family at the top if he's not that sort of man.

knickertrick · 19/06/2021 09:59

Cut the fault wire in the fire alarm and go out with DC. Having to sort that out will serve him right.

Unbelievably selfish behaviour from your DH. Hope you can still enjoy your lunch somehow.

HappyTimeTunnelDinosaur · 19/06/2021 09:59

Sadly I suspect you are right in this case, but I wouldn't stand for anything less personally. I still don't understand why he's happily in bed having had no water chucked over him. Next time I would probably just lock him out.

HappyTimeTunnelDinosaur · 19/06/2021 10:00

Sorry, that was a reply to @jewelgarden

Naunet · 19/06/2021 10:02

Fuck me there are some handmaidens out today! Make him breakfast in bed?!!! I mean seriously, do some women think being an absolute doormat makes them cool or something? Get some self respect. You don’t run around making breakfast for men who show you no consideration or respect. They won’t love you for it, or whatever goal it is you’re so desperately trying to achieve.

I’d be furious too OP, it’s so incredibly selfish and inconsiderate. If it was a one off, it might be more understandable, but it’s a pattern and he clearly thinks what he wants is what’s important.

Cherryberrybonbon · 19/06/2021 10:02

YANBU!

Mine was out till 1, the game finished at what time? Didn’t hear off him from 8pm, the landlady just lets them stay till they want to go home, not following covid pub rules too might I add.

I don’t care about him going out, I like the peace and quiet with our kids, but courtesy when you come back late when we have sleeping kids is what I really expect (people may have seen my thread the other day about his behaviour last week). What I also can’t stand is the fact that they spend their hungover day doing nothing, not assisting in anyway, then when they finally start to feel human again they are an arsehole.

He does sound like he’s been having a lot more fun than you lately, my pregnant friend has this most weekends, they have a 2 year old and she’s at her point of losing her shit every week

bakingdemon · 19/06/2021 10:02

Toss a bucket of cold water over his face? He made a commitment to you and he needs to see that through

LookMoreCloselier · 19/06/2021 10:02

That's really shit op, I hope he is very apologetic when he sobers up to both you and your mum. If not he is a cockwomble who needs a massive kick up the arse.

ConstanceGracy · 19/06/2021 10:02

Oh I’d bring him a nice glass of cold water alright and tip it over his stupid face.
If any of you on here really would cook this waster breakfast in bed the it’s you that has serious issues ..

ConstanceGracy · 19/06/2021 10:03

*then

UhtredRagnarson · 19/06/2021 10:03

He has the house to himself so it's the perfect opportunity for him to get up and sort the housework, washing, hoovering etc. He'll have had plenty of time to sleep by the time you leave so he may as well make good use of a child free day! He can also prepare a nice dinner for later to make up for being a twit. He can also plan things for you all to do as a family ready for next weekend, including a lie in for you

I feel very confident in saying that none of this will happen. Depressingly.

Original poster
bubblegum02 · 19/06/2021 10:03

I just cant be bothered now. probably pregnancy hormones but I'm upset over angry now.

I regret posting on here too because of some of the responses - no wonder blokes get away with this sort of thing so much, no wonder mums are often the default parent. I've had some really helpful responses that have made me stick to my guns but there was also a LOT that have blamed me or accused me of being controlling. Its crazy.

not all men btw I know that - my step dad is amazing (real dad a total selfish arse but that's another thread)

OP posts:
ICECream821 · 19/06/2021 10:03

There is someone in my family like this… parties hard and the children get left with the mum all the time. Definitely won’t change they never do. Glad you’ve got your mum OP but all this working round him is just what I would call enabling behaviour.

Not sure what you can do this weekend but hopefully you can decide what you want your life to look like moving forward. Good luck.

junipertree2 · 19/06/2021 10:04

Well, you've behaved like a responsible parent (which you are) and he has been behaving like a spoilt 18 year old whose mammy does everything for him so he can go out and get pissed and sleep it off while life continues round him.

YANBU. He needs reminded that he has a child and that football is not an excuse to regress to late adolescence. I can't even think of an equivalent female situation, because there isn't one. Men, even fathers, are self-indulgent arseholes at times.

youshouldbeplotting · 19/06/2021 10:04

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

I would take all the pain killers, snacks and juice and hide them. I would also turn the TV or something on next to the room, nice and loud. Then when I got back I would be telling him if he does this again he can get to fuck.
Good plan.
Gooseberrypies · 19/06/2021 10:05

I completely agree with everything you've said OP. It's always double standards in parenting. Men can get away with anything because they have the audacity to just do it no matter who else is affected.

CandyLeBonBon · 19/06/2021 10:05

You have created this monster and it's harder to crack down now .

Another one blaming a woman for a man's behaviour.

Ffs 🙄

UhtredRagnarson · 19/06/2021 10:05

personally I would stay at my Mums tonight. Do not respond to any contact from party boy.
You can return when & if you are ready.

Why do you think this would be a punishment for him? Confusedtake away the angry wife and squawking baby so he can laze around the house, sleep as long as he likes, play Xbox, have the whole place to himself, drink what he likes? he’d love it!

Original poster
bubblegum02 · 19/06/2021 10:05

@Cherryberrybonbon

YANBU!

Mine was out till 1, the game finished at what time? Didn’t hear off him from 8pm, the landlady just lets them stay till they want to go home, not following covid pub rules too might I add.

I don’t care about him going out, I like the peace and quiet with our kids, but courtesy when you come back late when we have sleeping kids is what I really expect (people may have seen my thread the other day about his behaviour last week). What I also can’t stand is the fact that they spend their hungover day doing nothing, not assisting in anyway, then when they finally start to feel human again they are an arsehole.

He does sound like he’s been having a lot more fun than you lately, my pregnant friend has this most weekends, they have a 2 year old and she’s at her point of losing her shit every week

it really is depressing. you just know it wouldnt float the other way round.
OP posts:
embaex · 19/06/2021 10:05

I lived like this for a long time (my children's father was exactly the same), so I don't blame you at all for the way you're feeling.
Some people haven't had to live like that hence the shitty replies.
I hope your mum can help you out & you still get to go out.
Also, don't make him a fucking bacon sandwich.

Rose789 · 19/06/2021 10:07

Fucking hell I’ve woken up in the 1950’s clearly. Make him a coffee and bacon sandwich. The poor little lamb has been cooped up for over a year he deserves to let his hair down be kind to him.

Fuck that!!
OP has a 1 year old and is pregnant and is justifiably pissed of. But no let’s all just pile on like utter arseholes.

OP I’m glad your mum can watch the 1 year old. It should never have been the situation and she shouldn’t have had to be roped in. I’m glad you can still go for lunch and I hope you have a lovely time Cake
I would be so angry in your position. This is not ok

Howdidigetsoold · 19/06/2021 10:07

Sorry op - I hope you manage to have a nice lunch with your friend.

I think you need to have a serious talk with your OH this evening. Can you do turns for going out so he‘s had 4, you‘ve had your lunch so you have 3 in the bank before he can schedule his next one? And no matter what - if he’s signed up to look after DH he needs to do that. What would have happened if it was a work day not a Saturday? Would he get up then?

OccasionallyFlagging · 19/06/2021 10:07

"Let's play 'Jump on Daddy'!"

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