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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

husband got back at half 5 this morning

941 replies

bubblegum02 · 19/06/2021 07:39

hello,

based on some of the threads on here, I'm assuming I'm going to get a lot of kill joy comments and the fact it's the euros too but I am annoyed.

my partner said he was going for a "couple" last night. I am 4 months pregnant and we have a one year old. I went to bed at about 10 and heard him come in. when I looked at the time, expecting it to be about half 11 as the pubs round here are still shutting earlier than usual it was half 5!

what has pissed me off about this is, one year old has woken up at 7, we went down about half 7 and of course, he is totally dead to the world. he has slept in our spare room downstairs which is something I suppose.

he was meant to be looking after the one year old for me whilst I go out for lunch today but he isnt responding to me at all. or the one year old.

he was out all day for the game last sunday too, was out pretty much the whole of the bank holiday and last Saturday too.

I'm getting fed up now, I'm not going to be able to leave the one year old with him, it is like he is unconscious and I'm meant to be going at 11.

not cool - pre kids, it wouldnt of been an issue but think he needs to grow up a bit. not against having a bit of fun but rocking in at that time when you are supposed to be looking after your child the next day is taking the piss.

has ruined my day too now and he will inevitably be feeling very sorry for himself.

OP posts:
IdblowJonSnow · 19/06/2021 09:45

That's great your mum can help out op.
Have a fantastic time.
Try and put it out of your head for now so it doesn't spoil your lunch.
He does sound very selfish.

showerbeer · 19/06/2021 09:45

@Sometimesfraught82

Good luck OP. You have a pretty useless husband. And a determination to make things as negative for yourself as possible.
What a reach. Why are you so weirdly obsessed with making the OP into the bad guy?
WeatherwaxOn · 19/06/2021 09:47

It's not in any way acceptable.

I'm glad you have found a solution for today but you need a long term solution.
As you say, we have all been locked down, do why does his 'kicking back' trump yours?
He needs to start parenting, take responsibility, and act like an adult. If he won't then you need to reconsider your relationship.

Original poster
bubblegum02 · 19/06/2021 09:48

@PracticingPerson he is dead to the world. the one year old has run in there multiple times, our volume level has been as normal as it is and genuinely if he is still not with it now I doubt he will be in an hour. also, if I leave her here now I will just worry because he is clearly not in a fit state. if I didnt know he didnt get in until half 5 this morning and was cheerily assuming he came in at 11 last night I would be seriously concerned.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 19/06/2021 09:48

I'm glad your are pissed off OP and glad you'll get your day out.

Some relationships never survive the arrival of children. Not because the children themselves are so much work, but because one if you grows up and the other - doesn't. Is exposed, in fact, for the rather selfish, lazy human they always were.

I'm not going to say ltb on the basis of the little info you've posted on here but I think your perception of your partner is shifting. I suspect the shift may be permanent. So might be worth thinking what might need to be in place should you, at some point, want out? Just as a hypothetical exercise at the moment but it's always good to know you are not stuck.

flapjackfairy · 19/06/2021 09:49

It would be best to just step away from this thread now op. I agree entirely with you and dont understand the grief you are getting. I would be livid as well. Sometimes MN is a crazy parallel universe.
Anyway I hope you have a lovely lunch and a good day .

ConstanceGracy · 19/06/2021 09:49

@PracticingPerson

It really is just as well my mum has offered to help.

I don;t understand why your mum has to do it though, why don;t you wake him up?

Because it would be risky to leave a 1 year old with someone that’s probably still drunk and barely able to function
LadyCatStark · 19/06/2021 09:49

MN is a funny place @bubblegum02. You can get different answers on different days depending on how the first few posts went or if you’re a well known poster etc. Some people will argue the opposite regardless of what it is!

Here’s what I’d do now you have childcare.
Get yourself and DC ready and head to your mum’s now. Don’t bother being quiet. Do not make him any food or drink or leave painkillers by his bed. Turn your phone off. Go and enjoy your day and leave him wondering what’s gone on while he’s been dead to the world.

balzamico · 19/06/2021 09:49

My dh pulled this kind of thing a few times when the kids were little but he always got up and did whatever we/ he was meant to be doing big for the day. He had a few days of putting on a brave face while feeling like absolute shit but that's the choice he made. Leaver him to sleep until you need to go out then make sure he's up and clear about what's happening- unless he's abusive to your child they'll be ok.
Do not let his evening ruin/ change your day out

ElsieMc · 19/06/2021 09:49

Wow op, you have had a ridiculous amount of goady/baiting responses on here. MN at it's most unpleasant. Strange mix of 50's housewife - make your dh a bacon sandwich? and cool girl/mean girl responses. You are not a martyr determined to spoil your own day fgs. You are rightly annoyed at your dh's selfish, irresponsible behaviour.

You are right in everything you say. Thank God for the supportive helpful responses.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 19/06/2021 09:49

And a determination to make things as negative for yourself as possible.

You keep spouting this crap but with no explanation as to what you actually mean. Can you elaborate? I doubt it, but I'm intrigued to see what you come out with that might consist of more than just the same shite reiterated in a slightly different way over and over again.

Febo24 · 19/06/2021 09:50

I think most of us are in agreement that it's a dick move. I think for the sake of this lunch, OP get him up and leaves him to it. Its it shit for the kid? Yes, but a couple of hours of Peppa isn't going to ruin its chances at Uni.

It's far from ideal, and you will have to have it out, but for the sake of this lunch, get him up now and hand over control.

PracticingPerson · 19/06/2021 09:50

[quote bubblegum02]@PracticingPerson he is dead to the world. the one year old has run in there multiple times, our volume level has been as normal as it is and genuinely if he is still not with it now I doubt he will be in an hour. also, if I leave her here now I will just worry because he is clearly not in a fit state. if I didnt know he didnt get in until half 5 this morning and was cheerily assuming he came in at 11 last night I would be seriously concerned.[/quote]
I probably would be a lot more assertive about this, maybe he knows he can get away with it with you?

He's out of order but how hard have YOU tried to wake him up? Of course he will ignore a child.

UhtredRagnarson · 19/06/2021 09:50

I’m with you 100% Op. tbh I reckon he was doing coke but that aside, I think he shouldn’t drink anymore. He clearly can’t handle it if he is getting into this much of a state. I would probably make that a condition of remaining in the marriage.

MrsMaizel · 19/06/2021 09:51

You are angry with the wrong people @bubblegum02. Try some of your anger with your partner .

is it cool then that he has done this every weekend for the last month in some way or another?
is it cool that he wont be in any fit state to look after our child?
is it cool that if it was the other way round he would be furious?

You have created this monster and it's harder to crack down now .

Original poster
bubblegum02 · 19/06/2021 09:51

he wont get up. I've just gone in there and tried.

OP posts:
HappyTimeTunnelDinosaur · 19/06/2021 09:53

I understand why you've got your mum to help, at least you can enjoy your day now. However, don't let him off the hook. He has the house to himself so it's the perfect opportunity for him to get up and sort the housework, washing, hoovering etc. He'll have had plenty of time to sleep by the time you leave so he may as well make good use of a child free day! He can also prepare a nice dinner for later to make up for being a twit. He can also plan things for you all to do as a family ready for next weekend, including a lie in for you. He had one this weekend, you get one next weekend!

Mix56 · 19/06/2021 09:53

No its not OK. He is not taking any responsibility as father & husband.
He is selfish & personally I would stay at my Mums tonight. Do not respond to any contact from party boy.
You can return when & if you are ready.
Tosser

coffeeneeded · 19/06/2021 09:53

having the mother in law around is a great punishment for him. Well done.

I would not have put up with this either op. He's a selfish arse

RaininSummer · 19/06/2021 09:54

Your husband has acted like a selfish arse. I am glad you can still go out. I wouldn't have been able to go and enjoy myself knowing my baby was with a grumpy hungover dad. Don't let him think it's ok cos you are at still able to go though. He needs to man up and stop being selfish.

Original poster
bubblegum02 · 19/06/2021 09:54

@MrsMaizel

You are angry with the wrong people *@bubblegum02*. Try some of your anger with your partner .

is it cool then that he has done this every weekend for the last month in some way or another?
is it cool that he wont be in any fit state to look after our child?
is it cool that if it was the other way round he would be furious?

You have created this monster and it's harder to crack down now .

no I havent created anything, it's his behaviour and attitude. I am not responsible for him at all. every sentence in your post there blames me.

I am angry with him. I'm not angry at posters on here, I find some of the responses very goady and I question the motives of some of them but it is what it is. you put yourself out there when you post on AIBU.

OP posts:
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 19/06/2021 09:54

You have created this monster and it's harder to crack down now .

Hmm yes blame the OP. No man could be expected to behave like a responsible adult without their wife nagging them into it, or keeping them on a short leash.

JewelGarden · 19/06/2021 09:54

I would be fucking raging. He doesn't get to check out of family life just because he fancied going and getting trollied. There's only so many times you can be disappointed by someone before the relationship falls apart and I would tell him he's sailing very close to the wind.

Motnight · 19/06/2021 09:55

I get why you are annoyed and disappointed Op. Hope you manage to sort it out.

JewelGarden · 19/06/2021 09:57

@HappyTimeTunnelDinosaur

I understand why you've got your mum to help, at least you can enjoy your day now. However, don't let him off the hook. He has the house to himself so it's the perfect opportunity for him to get up and sort the housework, washing, hoovering etc. He'll have had plenty of time to sleep by the time you leave so he may as well make good use of a child free day! He can also prepare a nice dinner for later to make up for being a twit. He can also plan things for you all to do as a family ready for next weekend, including a lie in for you. He had one this weekend, you get one next weekend!
It's incredibly optimistic of you to think he's going to get up and clean the house when he won't look after his own children. He will probably still be in bed when OP gets home and will quite possibly stay there all day hoping to stay out of the line of fire.
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