Won't let me on his phone.

[Chanedname4this]

Just wanted some advice to see if I am over reacting or not. This week a situation came up where my phone ran out of battery and I asked my partner of 3 years if I could use his. It wasn't for anything import..just to mindlessly browse the Internet as I was with him as he and his friend did their hobby. He flat out refused. I wouldn't have looked through his phone but this has left me feeling a bit odd...and that maybe he has something to hide? Even his friend said just let her go on your phone because I feel bad we have dragged her along and she has nothing to do. But he refused . I just find it odd that he was do against it. He has never given me a reason not to trust him but right now I'm wonder if he could be hiding something.

[AnImposter]

Do you think after 3 years he may well have been googling engagement rings?

[Blossomtoes]

@AnImposter

Do you think after 3 years he may well have been googling engagement rings?

If he was I bet he’s stopped now!

[Chanedname4this]

Probably. I haven't long got off the phone for him He is in a mood with me. I asked how he would feel if the situation was reversed and he asked for my phone. And he said he would end it with me . He also said that I would have found something completely innocent and taken it the wrong way...because that's what women do apparently?

[MozambiqueHere]

@ufucoffee

I wouldn't let my OH use mine in case he read my WhatsApp messages where I call him a stupid twat etc in conversations with friends. He is sometimes but I wouldn't want him to see that.

Tbf I wouldn't lend my phone to anyone who I thought was going to start reading through my private messages. Thankfully I'm near certain my husband never would. Just as I've never read his despite using his phone from time to time.

[sammylady37]

@Jigglywobbly

But the op just wanted to use the internet , I don’t expect my dh to use my phone and then start going through my messages or my notes etc ! I trust him not to do that

Well one previous poster said she discovered her partner was having an affair when she used his phone to check the weather forecast- now presumably the forecast didn’t contain any clues so she must have looked at his messages... no doubt she’ll say a message from the OW popped up on screen the very second she had the phone in her hand and he didn’t have previews switched off and she saw something which straightaway aroused her suspicion so she had to look further, or else she simply snooped. I’d say plenty of people would snoop if they thought they’d get away with it.

[Ohhyeahright]

He’s definitely hiding something op you’re
Not bu.

[Chanedname4this]

@Ohhyeahright

He’s definitely hiding something op you’re
Not bu.

I understand how I might come across as the one in the wrong . I know how important phones are to people and privacy. It was his reaction and the after effect . My gut is telling me something is up and I've never had this with him before.

[Aqua55]

Just leave him Op. You obviously don't trust him and nothing anyone says (either him or posters on here) will change your mind

[user1493494961]

Are you a bit needy, why would you tag along on his hobby.

[Bizawit]

@Aqua55

Just leave him Op. You obviously don't trust him and nothing anyone says (either him or posters on here) will change your mind

I’m inclined to agree with this. You haven’t changed your perspective at all , even after god knows how many people have responded to point out the other side.

[greenlynx]

I wouldn’t like to give my phone to DH because of worry that he could close my tabs or anything else. He would be the same with his laptop. However we would give it to each other ( with a bit of moaning) in a situation like this or at least politely give sensible reason why not (no credit, low battery, etc)
The way how your partner’s communicating with you feels a bit strange. And now this talking about innocent things you could find and took it in a wrong way because it’s what women do? It’s like he’s building up his defense tbh.

[MozambiqueHere]

Well he said he'd break up with you if you did the same to him. So there you have it.

Doesn't sound like much of a relationship anyway tbh.

[coogee]

I wouldn’t like to give my phone to DH because of worry that he could close my tabs or anything else. He would be the same with his laptop.

You could both just go to ‘Recent tabs’ and open them again.

[billy1966]

OP,

I think your gut is telling you something and I think you should listen.

You do not sound the least bit unreasonable to me but then husband and I are very open with each others phones.

I have loads on mine that is private but I still would hand it to him to google stuff and vice versa.

My teens are cagey when I might ask to use theirs🤔.

OP, his sulking and being offis not good.

He's not a keeper.
Don't ignore that gut, your second brain, it is trying to tell you something.

[ScottishNewbie]

We have an open phones policy. We don't snoop and wouldn't open conversations etc, but IMO I wouldn't be in a relationship where there was hidden or off-limits things.
My phone will be on the sofa and if I'm in the kitchen ill ask my fiance to check things for me.

If he was adamant you couldn't use it, that would be a MAJOR red flag for ms

[rainbowstardrops]

@Chanedname4this

Probably. I haven't long got off the phone for him He is in a mood with me. I asked how he would feel if the situation was reversed and he asked for my phone. And he said he would end it with me . He also said that I would have found something completely innocent and taken it the wrong way...because that's what women do apparently?

So he said if the situation was the other way round, he'd leave you. Nice. And that you'd find something innocent and make something out of it????
It would seem that your gut instinct was right all along.

[Carrotcakefiend]

OP, I've just caught up with this thread. He may have had his reasons re. The phone, but calling you childish/ridiculous while offering no reassurance, and threatening that it's 'changed how he sees the relationship' is classic gaslighting. He knows you're feeling insecure - regardless of the rationality - and he's using that as leverage to make you feel small, and question your own reality. Massive red flag. Get rid.

For context, when my DH and I were in our early relationship, I definitely had some trust issues. Particularly because his sister HATED me and would text him poison. I wanted to look at what she was saying, and he wouldn't show me because he said they were private messages, and it wouldn't help. He would also reassure me that he loved me, and he was very capable of making up his own mind without his sister's input! (But still wanted a relationship with her). He said I was being too sensitive... Because I was safe with him and he wanted to be here for me. See the difference?

[maddening]

I think what also sticks out is that he did not trust you to not snoop on his phone.

[ScottishNewbie]

@Chanedname4this

Probably. I haven't long got off the phone for him He is in a mood with me. I asked how he would feel if the situation was reversed and he asked for my phone. And he said he would end it with me . He also said that I would have found something completely innocent and taken it the wrong way...because that's what women do apparently?

Which means there was something that could look bad.
You can't make something from nothing.
Imo that's admitting guilt.