Won't let me on his phone.

[Chanedname4this]

Just wanted some advice to see if I am over reacting or not. This week a situation came up where my phone ran out of battery and I asked my partner of 3 years if I could use his. It wasn't for anything import..just to mindlessly browse the Internet as I was with him as he and his friend did their hobby. He flat out refused. I wouldn't have looked through his phone but this has left me feeling a bit odd...and that maybe he has something to hide? Even his friend said just let her go on your phone because I feel bad we have dragged her along and she has nothing to do. But he refused . I just find it odd that he was do against it. He has never given me a reason not to trust him but right now I'm wonder if he could be hiding something.

[IHaveBrilloHair]

It works both ways though doesn't it?
I wouldn't dream of asking to browse online on someone else's phone.

[Frannibananni]

I would be offended and pissed if DH searched my phone but have no problem letting him use my phone for anything at any time. Weird but relevant he should have lent you his phone he is being a asshole who is probably hiding something.

[Sadiecow]

I wouldn't use or expect to use my DH phone. It's a very personal item, that has loads of reasons why it shouldn't be shared.

My mumsnet app for one.

But at the end of the day you think something is a miss then ask him outright is that why he said no.

[PurpleSapphire]

I wouldn't let anyone use my phone either. I've nothing to hide but as someone else said, there's messages on there from family/friends meant for me only. A quick phone call yes, browsing no.

[Xanadu7]

I discovered an ex was having an affair completely by accident by going on to his computer to check the weather forecast! My husband and I use each other’s devices if there is a valid reason we can’t use our own, but we don’t go on to any private message areas.
If he has such a foible as not allowing anyone to use his phone, ever, including you, does that mean you’ve never used it/looked at it whilst he shows you something? I’d be so wary, though accept my horrible experience may be shaping my judgement.

[MrJollyLivesNextDoor]

So he insisted you go even though you were tired and didn't want to - basically so they had someone to look after their stuff
Then refused to let you borrow his phone - hard to say whether this is dodgy but it would concern me

I'd have left them and their stuff and gone home!

Next time say no fgs

[Wallywobbles]

Both of us not fussed about phone sharing. If DH said no id be very concerned.

[Chanedname4this]

I can see why I might come across as paranoid. I haven't said anything. It has left me feeling odd. It was because he was so adamant. I had been In work all day hence why my battery drained. Also..I was not aware they were going body boarding. I was told to "get ready because I'm taking us to the beach after work with X". I said no.. not really feeling up to it..tired etc. But he insisted . Said we would enjoy it and to make the most of the sun.

[TheChosenTwo]

I still don’t understand why you didn’t just say no to going to watch them body board and did something you wanted to do instead.
Anyway, regarding the phone thing, I’d let dh use mine if he was sat somewhere bored. If I ask to use his he just passes it over. We both know each other’s passwords, no big deal here.

[Rewis]

I would reluctantly let my partner use my phone. I wouldn't like it (if it was to just randomly browse) but I would let him so he didn't think I was trying to hide something.

[MiddleParking]

Like fuck I’d be handing over my phone to my partner to ‘just browse’, it would be like handing him my brain to scour through. And if I was him I’d find it pretty suspicious that you wanted my phone while I was doing something like bodyboarding and wouldn’t be able to just take it off you/you would have plenty of warning of me coming back so that you could quit snooping.

Also, I wouldn’t go and spectate anyone’s hobby with a flat phone, unless I gave birth to them.

[IHaveBrilloHair]

Rewis
Why do you have to let him use your phone to prove you can be trusted?
Surely the whole point of trust is that you don't need to prove it?

[JE17]

I'd feel exactly the same as you do, wondering what he's got to hide, also wondering whether he thinks I'm the sort of person who'd go searching through his private stuff. I'm not surprised it's left a bad taste in your mouth.
I've no problem letting my DH use my phone for browsing.

[Meme69]

I'd hate letting my DP use my phone, although I'd he has to make a quick call he might. For no other reason than he can be pretty jealous and although there is nothing on my phone incriminating (because I don't do anything wrong), if a random male friend or colleague messaged while he was on it, he would spend all day thinking about it. He knows I have male friends and colleges that I message but he would feel jealous, no matter how innocent it was, if he actually was holding the phone when it came in. So he doesn't use my phone. It just stops rubbish feelings etc. That's his decision not mine and it works for us

[lgty]

I don't see anything wrong in either my DH or my DD using my phone or my iPad and likewise they wouldn't have a problem with me using their devices either. In fact on various occasions we've swapped devices for one reason or another.

I can understand why you feel the way you do - why don't you just ask him why and see what he says?

[rainbowstardrops]

I can understand if he simply doesn't want people looking through his phone but I think he's been a bit of an arse to insist you go to the beach with him and his friend straight from work when you told him that you didn't fancy it and then happily let you sit there bored stupid because your battery had died, just so they've got someone to sit looking after their keys and phones etc.
I'd be telling him where to go next time!
Oh and I don't blame you for feeling uneasy about it because I would too.

[Macncheeseballs]

I didn't think you had to learn how to body board, I thought you just got on it

[StuffinThePuffin]

Your update makes your partner sound like a dickhead.

[billy1966]

Listen to your gut OP.

He sounds like a right dickhead by the way after your last post.

He's NOT a keeper.

[arethereanyleftatall]

Off topic - but -learn how to body board?!? You lie on your front on the board, that's it.

[SpinachAndMushroom]

@arethereanyleftatall

Off topic - but -learn how to body board?!? You lie on your front on the board, that's it.

Yes! You don’t learn, you just do it.

And more off topic, dont go late afternoon after work, that’s getting into into shark chomp time .. unless someone else is out deeper then it should be ok.

[grapewine]

@peboh

I wouldn't allow dh to mindlessly scroll for my phone, if he'd killed the battery on his own. He could use it for a phone call, or text but not to run my own battery down for the sake of his boredom.

Agree with this. He's right about the powerbank.

No one else uses my phone. Doesn't mean I'm watching porn.

[coogee]

And more off topic, dont go late afternoon after work, that’s getting into into shark chomp time .. unless someone else is out deeper then it should be ok.

Or in UK waters where there are no records of people chomped by sharks ever.

[coogee]

We use each other’s phones now and then. Sharing iPads is more common.

I’d think it very odd if he suddenly wouldn’t let me.

[JediGnot]

@InFiveMins

Yes it's odd. He's got something on there he doesn't want you to see.

You simply can't say that. Well you can, but you are probably wrong and it could be that he's been browsing for engagement rings for all we know.

IMHO my phone and my laptop are two HIGHLY important things, that are massive parts of my work life and my personal life. I really don't like lending them to anyone for anything (which is not to say I don't occasionally let DS play a game or DP use it). The amount of stress and damage someone could do is massive, so it's easier not to take the risk that you'll end up furious with them for doing something you don't want.

I suspect many men (and women) would regard lending someone their phone as something that would be akin to a woman saying "here's my handbag, I think there's a pen in there somewhere, help yourself you'll find it."