Won't let me on his phone.

[Chanedname4this]

Just wanted some advice to see if I am over reacting or not. This week a situation came up where my phone ran out of battery and I asked my partner of 3 years if I could use his. It wasn't for anything import..just to mindlessly browse the Internet as I was with him as he and his friend did their hobby. He flat out refused. I wouldn't have looked through his phone but this has left me feeling a bit odd...and that maybe he has something to hide? Even his friend said just let her go on your phone because I feel bad we have dragged her along and she has nothing to do. But he refused . I just find it odd that he was do against it. He has never given me a reason not to trust him but right now I'm wonder if he could be hiding something.

[LateAtTate]

Now if he NEVER lets you near the phone even under supervision then yes it's suspicious

[PurpleyBlue]

@Chanedname4this

I did say this. I was really tired and not in the mood. The hobby was body boarding. They've started learning together. I was sat there with their keys and phones, clothes, wallets etc . Feeling like an absolute plonker.

I think that's a bigger issue. Why didn't they encourage you to go and do something you wanted to do?

[PurpleyBlue]

@LateAtTate

Now if he NEVER lets you near the phone even under supervision then yes it's suspicious

Or if he is on it a lot and really careful to make sure you don't see the screen ever

[PurpleyBlue]

Oh that's the same thing really!

[SpilltheTea]

I wouldn't want anyone on my phone and I have nothing dodgy on there. Just personal things or random shite I've googled. It feels invasive. I understand why you'd be suspicious though.

[CorianderBee]

Yeah that is weird. I use my partners often for random crap

[XDownwiththissortofthingX]

I wouldn't let my partner use my phone for non-emergencies, and I have absolutely nothing to hide. It's a fundamental issue of privacy, and I wouldn't want to start encouraging my partner to think that they can be tardy about using or charging their own phone because they can just borrow mine instead.

To be honest, this attitude that is prevalent on mumsnet that 'He won't let you on his phone - he must be hiding something' betrays a fundamental absence of trust anyway. It's not healthy, and if you genuinely think like that with no other reason to be suspicious, then you need to end your relationship because it's doomed anyway, and probably get yourself some help with your insecurity/jealousy/paranoia issues while you're at it.

[LavendulaAngustifolia]

If you kept a paper journal/diary would you let him start using the pages for doodling?

[Zealois]

I have nothing to hide relationship wise but would actually feel weird about my partner just browsing on my phone. It's just seems odd? I still have plenty private conversations with friends on there, or a friend might message me about something while he's on it, and I don't think that's fair on my friends' privacy.

We would use each other's phones very briefly to change music, look up directions, or send a text while the other is driving, but that's about it.

[DragonDoor]

Yeah that is weird. I use my partners often for random crap

Same here. If one of our phones die and we want to use the internet, we think nothing of using each others. We even have the same passcode.

It goes without saying that we don’t read each others messages or go digging about!

[UnwantedOpinionBelow]

My husband and I sometimes browse on each other's phone and we know each other's passwords. I trust him enough that he would just browse without snooping. Did he give you a reason e.g battery life, too personal etc?

[DazedWifelet]

What? It would never EVER occur to me to use my DH's phone for casual browsing of stuff! EVER! I would only EVER ASK in an emergency - life-threatening situation, i.e. to summon help! It's his device! Otherwise, tough titties if I've been careless enough not to charge my device properly. 🤦🏽‍♀️

[Lesssaideasymended]

Personally, I wouldn't be happy handing over my phone. Even though I've nothing to hide

[timeisnotaline]

Hopefully this gives you the strength to say of course I’m not going to come and sit while you bodyboard and have fun with your mate. When have I ever asked you to do anything like that for me?

[AnotherSunrise]

Red flag

[Topseyt]

I don't want my DH, my DDs or anyone else using my phone, laptop, iPad or anything for browsing. They are incredibly personal items and they are part of MY personal space.

I don't go on theirs either and don't expect to. I find it bizarre that others do.

[Topseyt]

@Chanedname4this

I asked him when we got back and he said because its his phone. He said he has nothing to hide but he doesn't want me on there.

Perfectly valid reason. It would have been my reason too.

[welliesarefuntowear]

You know when they have some to hide. Because phone is never out of their sight.

Phones have become an extension of iourselves and we out our feelings in there more than we realise. Googling something like why am I depressed for example. Looking for answers when you e are feeling down or scared. I wouldn't want anyone to know what I was doing on my phone. Even what I write on here. You know if the phone is a problem because it becomes obvious.

[Veronika13]

-we wouldn't browse each other phones. We know we search random stuff on there (I was looking up bacterial vaginosis yesterday and window is still open)

• BUT if my DP asked me to browse my phone I'd say ok I've to clear my search history of my random readings, but here you go once I've done it!

He needs to realise that by flat out saying no - it can make anyone suspicious. I would genuinely not want my partner to feel like that, as it's a shit feeling. I'd be more concerned that he didn't care how crap this will make you feel.

[HoppingPavlova]

If he wasn't hiding anything he would have let you. It's not difficult to understand.

That’s ridiculous. I won’t let anyone else use my phone. I don’t have anything to hide. At all. I’m not worried about them seeing anything on my phone. However, I don’t want my battery drained, I don’t want to get continuous annoying advertising pop ups for stuff I’m not remotely interested in and I don’t want to go on YouTube or similar and have it make ridiculous suggestions for me based on someone else’s searches/viewings. That’s enough for me to say no to anyone including DH or kids using my phone.

[XDownwiththissortofthingX]

That’s ridiculous

Isn't it just.

On mumsnet, having any sense of self or notion of personal privacy = secretive and 'hiding something'.

Presuming guilt with absolutely no evidence is perfectly rational, well-adjusted behaviour though.

[faithfulbird20]

I'd say it was suspicious too.

[IHaveBrilloHair]

Exactly its just bonkers.
Being madly secretive about your phone, taking it to the toilet, never letting it out of your sight, possible issue.
Not wanting to hand it over for someone to browse on is fine though.

I don't take mine to the loo, leave it in the car with my BF or DD if I'm popping into a shop, leave it in the living room when I'm busy cooking etc, and asking to use it for something quickly as their battery has died is absolutely fine, I trust them too.
Using it to mess around online, not fine and tough shit if yours needs charged.

[Cameleongirl]

It wouldn’t bother me, l let DH and the children use my phone if they want to and I’m careful with what I text, etc. If I want to complain/share something private, it’s always to my closest friends in person. Never put it in writing. 😂

[StuffinThePuffin]

Hm. It is odd that he was so cagey about his phone, but I also think it's unfair to ask to use his phone for "mindlessly browsing the internet".

If you had specifically wanted to check something or make a phone call, then I'd get it, but I do think it's a bit cheeky to expect him to hand over his phone so you can waste time on it. Seems unnecessary.

That being said, if DH asked me, I would let him. I wouldn't feel worried about it. I don't know if that says more about me than it does about the level of trust in my relationship, given that some PPs have said that they would have refused even with nothing to hide.

I can see why your suspicious, but I don't think it's fair to say he's definitely up to something. You just don't have enough to go on.