to feel embarrassed about my age?

[17june2021]

I turned 25 in March. I know that’s young in the grand scheme of life, but I feel embarrassed by it. Is it just in my head?

I feel like people treat me differently now. I was 23 when the pandemic began and to a certain extent my life was put on hold so I’m still in the same position I was then. I’m definitely still in the same mind frame as I didn’t get the normal transition from 23-25.

I rent with my friends in London and get comments like “at your age?” “Why don’t you live with your boyfriend?” “Why are you still renting?”

I got excited about the June 21 restrictions easement, and my colleagues were like I need to grow up as I’m too old for clubbing, concerts and festivals etc I’m not 18 anymore. I feel generally like I’m being looked down on for not wanting to get married and settle down immediately.

I keep seeing things like this online, essentially suggesting I’m hitting my best before date

There’s more too. I know I sound ridiculous as I’m healthy and alive and others don’t get that opportunity - but can’t help but feel insecure about my age.

If don’t want to go clubbing etc, thats fine but too old, no way!

OP you need a wider more intelligent social circle. I'm in my 50s. I still love festivals. I met DH at 29 and am SO glad I waited. The man I was with at 18 and the one I was with at 25 were both monsters in disguise and I needed to learn what to appreciate in a man which took maturity.

Your twenties are for experimentation, having fun, making mistakes, trying things and changing your mind, not settling down. Life is long these days. Don't chain yourself to dull routines too young.

Also, don't let your standards be set by fucking misogynists on Twitter, that's exactly the response they want - getting women to throw themselves at shit men because they're scared they're 'past it' by some standard set by scumbags who think that they should manipulate women into being insecure enough to be with them.

QFT.

OP, horrible men have been threatening women this way since the dawn of time. It means nothing. I'm surprised you got to 25 without seeing it. This one has a book to promote, he even admits he's just trying to wind up The Feminists. Look at MN, most of us are well over 25, and do we seem scared of this particular brand of shit man?

And don't you think he seems a bit scared of us?

You'll enjoy your life a lot more the less you care what people think...

25 is young - I was still finishing my UG degree then. Life is a marathon not a sprint.

You are very young op! Don't worry even a moment what others think. I get it the other way a little, I was married at 26 and had first baby at 28 and all 3 kids by 32 and on mn and in RL you get the ole " so glad I lived , travelled, and secure etc " off the ppl starting families in their late 30's. The latter point as a direct response if we given details about our life insinuating that we have missed out, didn't live etc.
In fact we travelled loads but we we were early 20's, did our degrees and postgrads and bought and did up our house post kids, all good. Ppl project a lot if they aren't happy themselves I find.

Where is everyone seeing Twitter account? I don't see anything in op post about Twitter

I'm 53 and go to a rock festival every year (not since Covid obviously). Someone from my year at school helps to run it. Why do people want to get old so quickly? My DM started going to gigs recently, because she couldn't when my stepdad was alive. She also comes to the festival with us.

OP, where the hell do you work now? A care home? The people surrounding you at work are weirdos. Saying you're 'too old' to go clubbing etc now is the oddest thing I've ever heard.

Stop taking taking notice of absolute shite on Twitter, you must realise that's a ridiculous opinion?

Your 'best years' are whenever you make them. Focusing on being embarrassed about your (young) age, and bemoaning your 'lost years', will never ever let you live your best life. Your outlook is ironically likely making you seem older.

I'm 33, and I will never stop enjoying going out with my friends, acting like a bit of a twat occasionally when I'm out. Your age is however old you feel. It really is just a number.

I don't live in London, but I thought renting was hugely common, for any age?

Lastly, lighten up, go out, have fun and just live life. You can find new things that make you happy. Look to the future. You are nowhere near old enough to be living in the past.

Don’t let anyone tell you who should be or what to enjoy.

What on earth are you wibbling on about OP? past your best indeed !. Live and love your life, appreciate your body and ignore the boring bellends.

As a woman you will have this shit whatever age you are. If you had been married it would have been "don't you want to experience life first" If you get married later there will be other shitty comments. You have kids,.you don't have kids, you have a couple of long standing monogamous relationships, you have many lovers, you work, you don't work, you're ambitious, you're a cut throat bitch, you have no ambition, you're lazy, you didn't make the most of it blah blah blah blah.

Whatever you do you always, and at all ages, get shitty comments like this. There is no transition between 23 and 25, you are just you, you will be you at 40 and won't necessarily feel 40. We all build our expectations of ourselves based on crap 2e hear from everyone else, how we should feel, how we should live etc and possibly as it feels comfortable to know that you are doing as expected, and sure use it as a sanity check but don't let it make you second guess yourself, everyone hasn't necessarily got it right either.

You are you, enjoy it.

Ps you are not too old to go clubbing.

Absolutely @maddening!

What is “the normal transition from 23 to 25”, anyway?

I thought this! Those ages are pretty much the same in terms of societal expectations, even if societal expectations are bullshit.

Getting older is fantastic because the older you get the less you care about what other people think and the less you let their judgements impact your life and make you doubt yourself. I'm much happier heading towards 50 than I was heading towards 30.

I think I know where you are coming from @17June2021 In my "culture" back in the day ie working class, mill worker ancestors, you were on the shelf at 25. So because of this pressure I married at 23 and that lasted all of 4 months. Didn't do that again until I was 40 (and he was a wrongun but that's another thread)

What I have learnt is that time goes so fast, so so fast and that life is not a dress rehearsal.

I started going to festivals and live music gigs 10 years ago at the ripe old age of 55. Fuck what other people think - and it is only the very small minded that will think negatively - Live your life for you not for other people.

I'm sorry. There's a "transition"? from 23 to 25???

Honestly it's in your head. 25 year olds are massively different to 23 year olds.

The answer to "why have you..." Or "why are you..." Is "because I don't want to "because I want to"

@SleepingStandingUp your post doesn’t make sense, it’s in my head but simultaneously there is a massive difference between 23 and 25?

@maddening thank you, really enjoyed reading your post

God, 25 is when life started to be good for me. The early 20s were fun but mostly meaningless. You're young, your colleagues are weird and that tweet is utter BS :)

Pretty sure Sleeping’s apparent contradiction was just a typo (since clearly they aren’t massively different, and that is reflected in the rest of her post)

I think 25 is when you stop clubbing in Oceana and start clubbing in better places. That's the real difference 😂

I dont think i made any transition of any description until about 30 when i wondered if i should have a career not a job and a mortgage not a room in a house share. And then i felt bad about all the milestones i hadnt reached. Like a toddler who couldnt point. I felt inadequate about where i was in life. I just accept everything now.

You're being completely unreasonable. But on the other hand, the pandemic has changed a lot of things and made a lot of people, especially young people, feel this way.

My daughter was 17 when it all started and still in school. She is now 19 and has just finished her first year of university. All of this has been entirely online and she has been living at home with just me and her dad. She feels like she lost the whole of her 18 year old ness.

@Anonymous48 I can imagine she feels like she’s missed out on a normal 17/18 year old experience. I can definitely relate to that for 23 and 24. All of a sudden I’m a proper adult now.

Soooo unreasonable! You're so young! If you had your own house and were settled down and married I'd think you were wasting your youth to be honest. At 25 I was in a house share, having casual fun relationships, working 3 different casual jobs and partying like my life depended on it. I'm 39 now. I'm married. I have a good job, my own house, all the tick boxes that people assume grown ups should have (no kids through choice). I still go to bars and clubs, festivals and concerts. I often don't get in til dawn after a good night out. My point is you're never too old for whatever you consider to be fun. Take no notice of the killjoys, do whatever makes you happy.