to feel embarrassed about my age?

[17june2021]

I turned 25 in March. I know that’s young in the grand scheme of life, but I feel embarrassed by it. Is it just in my head?

I feel like people treat me differently now. I was 23 when the pandemic began and to a certain extent my life was put on hold so I’m still in the same position I was then. I’m definitely still in the same mind frame as I didn’t get the normal transition from 23-25.

I rent with my friends in London and get comments like “at your age?” “Why don’t you live with your boyfriend?” “Why are you still renting?”

I got excited about the June 21 restrictions easement, and my colleagues were like I need to grow up as I’m too old for clubbing, concerts and festivals etc I’m not 18 anymore. I feel generally like I’m being looked down on for not wanting to get married and settle down immediately.

I keep seeing things like this online, essentially suggesting I’m hitting my best before date

There’s more too. I know I sound ridiculous as I’m healthy and alive and others don’t get that opportunity - but can’t help but feel insecure about my age.

Weird. 25 is young and a great age to be single because that probably won't last forever.

Just be yourself and ignore the idiots.

I rent with my friends in London and get comments like “at your age?” “Why don’t you live with your boyfriend?” “Why are you still renting?”

Tell them all to sod off (or whatever the polite term is for colleagues). At only 25 you don't need to be tied down like that. Marry in haste, repent at leisure. It sounds as if the career you love has been put on hold and you haven't moved on (or back) to a career that makes you happy, so you very much do need to stay flexible. You need to be able adapt which is much harder once you're commited to a mortgage etc.

It's OK to feel sad about losing a couple of your "best years" to Covid. But it has been an experience that has shown you what you really value in life and what you miss. Some people might think "hey I really enjoyed this quiet life". You don't. Other people, well my nephew (who is older than you!) moved in with his girlfriend at the start of lockdown and from that they learned that they are really solid living together. But you don't have to do that, it's OK to value your independence.

You are who you are and you want what you want!

@17june2021

I turned 25 in March. I know that’s young in the grand scheme of life, but I feel embarrassed by it. Is it just in my head?

I feel like people treat me differently now. I was 23 when the pandemic began and to a certain extent my life was put on hold so I’m still in the same position I was then. I’m definitely still in the same mind frame as I didn’t get the normal transition from 23-25.

I rent with my friends in London and get comments like “at your age?” “Why don’t you live with your boyfriend?” “Why are you still renting?”

I got excited about the June 21 restrictions easement, and my colleagues were like I need to grow up as I’m too old for clubbing, concerts and festivals etc I’m not 18 anymore. I feel generally like I’m being looked down on for not wanting to get married and settle down immediately.

I keep seeing things like this online, essentially suggesting I’m hitting my best before date

There’s more too. I know I sound ridiculous as I’m healthy and alive and others don’t get that opportunity - but can’t help but feel insecure about my age.

I think you should be more discerning about what you read on social media. I am now in my 50s and even when I was 25 it was perfectly normal to house share, I would say the majority of my friends were unmarried and not living with a partner and going out was quite normal too.

I have absolutely no idea what a “normal transition” from 23 to 25 is, I really don’t think there is such a thing. I hear you when you say you were 23 when the pandemic began, my manicurist said an almost identical thing to me the other day. I think this is a hard age to be going through this, well I certainly feel age has made me more resilient than I would have been in my early 20s.

Anyway your age is not embarrassing and you appear to be at the same stage as many other 25 year olds both now and in the past.

@bloodyhell19 thank you so much

The Twitter account looks like someone who's running a sales scheme and draws attention to their account by posting clickbait that people will share or comment on.
That's all.

At 25yo I was still going out with friends, drinking and even the odd day clubbing when I never did that in my early 20s!

As for settling etc… these people are just rude. Seriously the way you live your life has nothing to do with them. Carry on doing what you enjoy, see your friends and tell them to get lost.

??!but there’s no difference between 23 and 25!!! They are both young people in an independent but fun and responsibility free stage of life generally. Most have finished studying, lots haven’t. Most aren’t with the person they will settle down with, I would say most don’t live with a partner but with housemates (or parents.) Hardly any will own their own home! Not sure where you’re based but it can’t be London! I’m London,25 is career, fun, random dates and housemates. You’re fine!

If you've not read any yet, I really recommend checking out some feminist literature, or perhaps a feminist podcast. Seriously, it'll help you to laugh at that Twitter post and any comments like it, and it'll help you to sail through the years with a healthy disregard for all that judgment and a lot more humour about it all.

I do really feel for people in their 20s like you. It must be very hard. But your socialising days aren't over, life gets better after your 20s (if you want it to), and you should never let people make you feel anything is impossible because of age (unless it physically is, obviously!). I know people in their 80s taking up advanced computing courses for the first time, dating, partying (well, they were before Covid at least, and want to after).

And if you're living in London, renting in your 30s or even 40s isn't uncommon at all, so don't feel a failure over that. Almost everyone in their 20s rents unless they're extremely lucky or they lose a relative.

If you find focusing on the positives does get harder, do get some help. This year hasn't been easy. But don't get drawn to misogynist, ageist rubbish because it's not even true!

My only advice is to enjoy being 25. When you are 50, you will look back and realise how young you were with all those opportunities in front of you.

Clarich007 Yay I am not the only one in my 70's. Went to a gig a couple of years ago with a couple of old mates!17June2021 enjoy yourself, life is too short!

YANBU - its called a 'quarter life crisis' and I think I had it too.

I was in completely different place in life with a stable partner and kid by 25 but I was in uni (missed some time due to having my DS so I was older than most others) and I was the youngest mam at the school.

I felt like I didnt fit in with 'adults' yet but wasnt a carefree youngster who could go out partying either - it hit me HARD like I didnt know who I was or where I fit.

On the plus side though 30 felt like a refreshing new horizon where I could start again (until covid hit).

It’s okay to feel like you are at any age, OP. People are just trying to get a rise out of you at something they find comical themselves. You do you, regardless of age. As for settling down - there are people having their first child well into their 40’s. Please don’t pay any attention to such garbage. I’m 40 this year and the amount of “bantering” comments I get about my age. You’re only as old as you feel, but like others have said … if you are truly fortunate, you will only get older from here, so enjoy every day and make it count. My mum was only considered young when she died at 60, up until then there were jokes about her age and being “over the hill”. Then she died tragically and everyone went “Oh, but she was so young”. It’s just a number - oh and the 30’s were my best years by far. It’s lovely when you know who you are and have accepted it.

The fact that you care about this shows you are still incredibly young.

I had 'quarter life crisis' of some kind too, if you want to call it that. For me it was more of a lack of confidence, panic etc, as the career I'd planned didn't work out. And TBH I still wasn't ready to settle to a career (not teaching anyway, I still wanted a life in the evenings, to see friends etc. I probably still wouldn't be happy to do that.)

But whatever you want to call it, whether you just call it the effect of the pandemic on your life, whatever, you can catch up. xx

I'm 31 and I've got plenty of gigs and a festival booked for this year 🤷‍♀️
I do have 2 kids and am applying for a mortgage but that's definitely not essential is it?
Don't let other people tell you how to live 😊

Too old for gigs? What is this bullshit? No one is ever too old for gigs! My ex-FIL is 60 and takes himself off to gigs all over the place (or did before Covid.) I like his style. I can't wait till that's allowed again because I'll be rocking out. 🤘🏻 I like going to gigs too, and I'll be 33 this year.

The fact that you care about this shows you are still incredibly young.

@whatswithtodaytoday Only in as much as one-and-a-bit years seems a lot to someone in their early twenties, whereas older people don't see it as as long a space of time in age.

But people can get FOMO or the fear that life is passing them by at any age/many ages.

@Cocomarine

Who the hell are the dicks who think renting in a house share at 25 in London is remotely unusual?! I’d just laugh that one off. Possibly with an “OK Boomer” 😉

No evidence at all that it's older people doing this but hey, let's just have a dig at them because. Ageist shite.

I promise you that 23-24 would not have been your best years.

Life will get so, so much better. Least of all because you will stop giving a crap about what weird colleagues and Twitter folk think.

I'm much older than you and consider 25 to be young. However, I do completely understand how you're feeling. I spent a lot of my twenties and thirties feeling embarrassed about my age, mainly because I often worked with people younger than me and felt I should have achieved/done more. I'm now happy, 'settled down' with a family, home etc, but I wouldn't trade those years I spent renting, living in houseshares, travelling, going out and trying out different jobs. I just wished I hadn't stressed so much about my age. Enjoy your twenties and try not to worry about what others think you should be doing!

It's funny, I felt the same at 25. I was just graduating with no direction and felt embarrassed that I wasn't a professional with a career and responsibility and a house and money and extravagant holidays. I felt old at 25. Then when I was 27 I looked at 25 year olds and thought how young they were and I felt old. Then at 29 I looked at 27 year olds and though how young they were and noticed a pattern. It just happened then that I stopped looking at age because I realised that I felt different about age at every age. Now I am 35 and I actually don't know what age my colleagues are and even newer friends that I didn't grow up with, I know their rough age bracket but always forget which one of them is my age/same age as my husband/ 4 years younger than me. It really really really doesn't matter. I'm sure at one point that will just click in your brain and I hope you don't look back sadly at the time you spent worrying about it.

Also a lot of these comments are coming from people in older generations or people that live in my hometown (where it’s easier to get on the housing ladder so renting with friends is an asinine concept)

Late 20s for older generations or those who’ve staying in their home towns is all about settling down. Late 20s in London is purely about having fun. You’ve got the best years to come. 23-25 meh you haven’t missed much. 25-30 is way better.

Sounds like a fishing thread to me

You're right. You do sound ridiculous. Get a grip! You're not a geriatric yet!

I lived in a shared house till I was 27 and my 'transition' from 23-25 was spent discovering bars that stayed open till 6am rather than 3!