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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bringing wine to a dinner party etiquette

257 replies

WellLarDeDar · 17/06/2021 14:37

I was brought up being told that if you go to someone's house for dinner you take something nice like wine or flowers etc because it's good manners. If I took wine to someone else's house I would expect them to either store it and have it when they felt like it, or pop it open and we drink it together.

DH and I were trying to make friends in a new area and invited a couple over for dinner - I met the husband through work, we got along really well so I invited them both over. The wife came in and handed me a bottle of wine and I was like oh thank you would you like a glass (yes obviously), went to the kitchen and poured four glasses of it and handed them out and great. Throughout dinner we were opening more bottles (provided by us) and then afterwards we settled in the lounge and the wife went 'oh I'd like some of our wine now.' and made a comment about our wine being sweet. Admittedly I do love Riesling and it is sweet but I had this sinking feeling... because we'd already drunk it together and she obviously didnt realize and I suddenly felt like a naughty child that had eaten all of someone else's Halloween candy and had that dreaded stomach pit feeling when you've just been caught out and have to own up. It was super awkward and I said 'i think that's all gone, we drank it all' and she went '...oh' and the look on her face...I could be wrong but we got the impression that she brought the wine for her and my colleague to drink...but not for me and DH and we shouldn't have drunk it :S she spent the rest of the evening furiously texting and not talking and I felt so embarrassed

Was I really rude to have poured DH and I a glass? I get at a big group bbq or house party people sometimes bring their own stuff but I didnt think that would be the case for a small four person dinner party. If you're over for dinner and hand me some wine I'm gona say let's all have a glass :S Crap. I'm 30 and feel like I have no idea how to adult!

OP posts:
user1483387154 · 17/06/2021 14:38

not unreasonable at all

Brakebackcyclebot · 17/06/2021 14:39

No, you were not rude at all. She was though. Very rude.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 17/06/2021 14:40

YANBU. Quite aside from it being somewhat odd to bring a bottle of wine for only her and her husband to drink, she should have said something or not handed it over in the first place.

eurochick · 17/06/2021 14:40

She was rude. You bring the wine for the hosts to do with as they wish.

Bellyups · 17/06/2021 14:42

She was unreasonable. Who does that? Confused

I’ve heard of some people wanting to take their drink home too

DingDongDenny · 17/06/2021 14:43

She was very rude indeed. Nothing wrong with your hosting it was down to her

Xiaoxiong · 17/06/2021 14:44

No, she is the weird and rude one. She clearly forgot that she had already had a glass of her own wine - she must have thought that the wine she brought was sitting in your kitchen still unopened while you were giving her stuff she didn't like. However, it was incredibly rude of her to a) bring it up, b) imply that the wine was only for her and not for you, the host, and c) spend the rest of the evening texting and not talking. The only response you could have made was to laugh and say "colleague you drank it with us 2 hours ago remember? it was the first bottle we opened!"

I always hope that the host actually opens the wine I've brought and shares it out with everyone, just as you did - I've had a few instances where I've brought something nice which has disappeared into the hosts' kitchen, and I've been served plonk instead but them's the breaks of being a guest.

Whywonttheyhelpme · 17/06/2021 14:44

YANBU. However she was extremely rude. No one needs friends like this, it would be the first and last invite she received.

mbosnz · 17/06/2021 14:45

She was extremely rude, you did nothing wrong.

Shoxfordian · 17/06/2021 14:46

She was really rude

Don’t invite her again

HollowTalk · 17/06/2021 14:46

That's incredibly rude of her, but I have to say I wouldn't be happy drinking Riesling! Texting furiously is so bad that I wouldn't invite them again!

otterbaby · 17/06/2021 14:46

She's absolutely unreasonable! The wine is a gift for the host.

If she likes that type of wine so much, I'm surprised she couldn't tell that was the first glass she had.

Confusedandshaken · 17/06/2021 14:46

Don't feel bad. You did exactly the right thing. She is odd and/or bad mannered.

toomuchtooold · 17/06/2021 14:47

Nope, she's the rude one. Bringing your own drinks and not sharing isn't the etiquette for any situation outside of maybe underage drinking in the park, and tbh I think it would probably be frowned on even there Grin

PurBal · 17/06/2021 14:47

YANBU at all. You're 30 (as am I), do people really still take the "I bought this for me to drink" stance? I though we gave that up years ago. If that was truly the case then they shouldn't have had bottles of your wine. Also, who asks for the "good stuff" (I assume they felt theirs was "better" than yours) after 3+ bottles?

Moltenpink · 17/06/2021 14:47

She was rude. Riesling is a bit too much of an acquired taste for a dinner party though, it’s very love it or hate it.

AhNowTed · 17/06/2021 14:48

You're overthinking this.

You bring wine to share.

I'd always use the wine guests bring, and expect the same.

She probably just didn't realise you'd already had the one they brought, and then felt a bit embarrassed for asking for it.

Blossomtoes · 17/06/2021 14:48

She’s unbelievably rude. I’m assuming that’s her first and last invitation.

Xiaoxiong · 17/06/2021 14:48

I suddenly felt like a naughty child that had eaten all of someone else's Halloween candy and had that dreaded stomach pit feeling when you've just been caught out and have to own up

This is the only part of the OP where YABU! It probably made it look like you thought you did something wrong - but you didn't.

Palavah · 17/06/2021 14:50

She was incredibly rude to have behaved as she did after you told her it was finished.

They were rude only to bring a bottle which they didn't expect to share.

You might want to consider not serving a sweet wine all the way through dinner, though - or at least have an alternative available.

ConstantCrayfish · 17/06/2021 14:50

She was astonishingly rude and I would never invite her back to my house. There will be other friends to meet.

I have to ask though, did you just offer sweet white wine? (Young Riesling isn't particularly sweet in my book though - was it the aged stuff?.) I would have struggled with that with a meal, but just have stopped drinking wine and moved on to water without comment, but I might have wished you'd offered me more of a choice!

CupoTeap · 17/06/2021 14:51

She was rude and them even ruder!

Spied · 17/06/2021 14:51

I'd have felt obliged to drink some of the wine they brought if the bottle was opened.
I'd otherwise have worried that they thought the wine they brought wasn't good enough.
I'd have had a glass and complimented them on their choice.
The woman has no manners and doesn't know social etiquette.

Scout2016 · 17/06/2021 14:51

She's probably peeved that she didn't recognise her wine, maybe she thought it was superior or something. Like on Eat Well for Less when they swap the product for a cheaper one, and person insists the would definitely 100% know if it had been swapped. But then of course they don't.
So she has been looking forward to having her finer wine, only to learn she's drunk it without appreciating or registering it.

Dollywilde · 17/06/2021 14:51

She’s unreasonable, and very rude. I hate sweet wine (DH doesn’t let me pick out wine for him nowadays because I always go for something that sucks at your teeth with dryness!) but in that position I would switch to a different drink, ask to make it a soda spritzer, or just stop drinking booze and go on to water. YANBU.