Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bringing wine to a dinner party etiquette

257 replies

WellLarDeDar · 17/06/2021 14:37

I was brought up being told that if you go to someone's house for dinner you take something nice like wine or flowers etc because it's good manners. If I took wine to someone else's house I would expect them to either store it and have it when they felt like it, or pop it open and we drink it together.

DH and I were trying to make friends in a new area and invited a couple over for dinner - I met the husband through work, we got along really well so I invited them both over. The wife came in and handed me a bottle of wine and I was like oh thank you would you like a glass (yes obviously), went to the kitchen and poured four glasses of it and handed them out and great. Throughout dinner we were opening more bottles (provided by us) and then afterwards we settled in the lounge and the wife went 'oh I'd like some of our wine now.' and made a comment about our wine being sweet. Admittedly I do love Riesling and it is sweet but I had this sinking feeling... because we'd already drunk it together and she obviously didnt realize and I suddenly felt like a naughty child that had eaten all of someone else's Halloween candy and had that dreaded stomach pit feeling when you've just been caught out and have to own up. It was super awkward and I said 'i think that's all gone, we drank it all' and she went '...oh' and the look on her face...I could be wrong but we got the impression that she brought the wine for her and my colleague to drink...but not for me and DH and we shouldn't have drunk it :S she spent the rest of the evening furiously texting and not talking and I felt so embarrassed

Was I really rude to have poured DH and I a glass? I get at a big group bbq or house party people sometimes bring their own stuff but I didnt think that would be the case for a small four person dinner party. If you're over for dinner and hand me some wine I'm gona say let's all have a glass :S Crap. I'm 30 and feel like I have no idea how to adult!

OP posts:
Talkwhilstyouwalk · 17/06/2021 16:40

OMG, if this was what she was upset about then she has no manners, no class and is not someone I'd be wanting to be friends with!!! Very odd behaviour!!

HeronLanyon · 17/06/2021 16:41

A friend of mine with huge wine cellar and who does choose wine quite carefully doesn’t turn a hair at someone saying they feel more like a vodka and tonic or whatever. To do anything else would be really poor.
Also have to say ‘I agree with shirleyphallus’ as it needs to be said every now and then, eh?

TonTonMacoute · 17/06/2021 16:44

YANBU

Your guest is weird - very weird Confused

khakiandcoral · 17/06/2021 16:45

@ClaudiaWankleman

Where did I say I would only offer water to MY guests?!?

You said that you'd prefer it that guests drank water if they didn't like what was offered, rather than having brought something they knew they would enjoy. I find that bizarre, and actually quite poor hosting.

No I said that as a guest, I would never be as rude and would stick to water...

Some posters sound like the guests from hell frankly, so ill mannered.

FangsForTheMemory · 17/06/2021 16:46

She was appallingly rude. BTW, not all Riesling is sweet.

motogogo · 17/06/2021 16:47

She was bu

The bottle is a gift for the host

HOkieCOkie · 17/06/2021 16:48

You did nothing wrong, if I bring wine it’s for the host.

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/06/2021 16:54

Did she not see you open her wine and pour four glasses

Subbaxeo · 17/06/2021 16:58

OMG that’s so rude.

Her, not you.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 17/06/2021 16:59

You were normal, she was weird.

If you bring a drink that you want to have only for yourself then you say so upfront. But the only circumstance I can think of where that would be ok is if someone suffered from allergies that meant they couldn't drink normal wine or beer.

If there are no weird dietary requirements, then you don't expect to drink what you bring all to yourself.

FishintheStream · 17/06/2021 17:01

How did your colleague react? Seems very odd.

Perhaps she didn't realise that it was the bottle she brought that you served first, and then she was embarrassed, hence the texting?

ClaudiaWankleman · 17/06/2021 17:03

No I said that as a guest, I would never be as rude and would stick to water...

If you have any manner, you drink what is offered to you, or water.
if you REALLY dislike the choice, stick with water.

No you gave diktats to the rest of us.

Cleverpolly3 · 17/06/2021 17:05

@DarlingCoffee

And for what it’s worth Riesling is an excellent white wine!
I agree Some of the dry Riesling I’ve tried has been really delicious
Xiaoxiong · 17/06/2021 17:07

@Classica definitely charmingly eccentric, but it can be v disconcerting to people who have never met him before...especially if they've written him off as a complete boor and he suddenly chips into the conversation having had his head apparently buried in a book the whole time.

I asked him once why he did it and he said he wanted to make sure he had a good time even if the guests weren't that interesting. Belt and braces!

AnAwesomePossum · 17/06/2021 17:07

You aren't in the wrong, in any way at all here.

However, I have been on the other end (albeit happy to share my wine) but then provided with White Zinfandel all night which has been truly depressing.

Now I always bring a couple of bottles just in case :)

LittleTiger007 · 17/06/2021 17:11

She was astonishingly rude and you followed perfect etiquette. Don’t beat yourself up over it OP.
What an odd situation. Poor you.

sweatervest · 17/06/2021 17:11

they are dead mean
reminds me of some comedian who once said that a bottle of happy shopper wine made the rounds as people took it to parties but it never got drunk, oddly enough.

if she didn't notice her wine from reisling then she is hardly the wine woman of the west and she was so rude complaining to your face. surely she could have just ranted on the way home?

Benjispruce3 · 17/06/2021 17:13

You did what I’d do. You bring wine to share or for the host, not yourself.

echt · 17/06/2021 17:17

Very weird about the wine and as for texting at all, or even taking her phone out, bloody rude.

Movinghouseatlast · 17/06/2021 17:21

She was rude, not you. You did the right thing.

However....

Reisling is truly vile, and if that was all you had to serve then that is unreasonable. If you are having a dinner party I think you should try to.provide a selection of drinks. So red and white wine, some beer and soft drinks or water. Just providing a wine which is well known not to be everyone's taste was your mistake here.

I actually think that's why she asked for some of 'her' wine because she didn't like yours!

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/06/2021 17:22

@CatherineMorland

I thought the etiquette was not to serve the wine that somebody brought. That’s a gift for the hosts.
Quite. She was very rude.
Luminousnose · 17/06/2021 17:23

She was rude and nuts. A sweet wine is delicious with pudding - although chocolate puds can prove difficult. I wouldn’t ask them again. I do hope they invite you back though op - you could take some Blue Nun or retsina and tell them it’s a gift for them to open later!

BrownEyedGirl80 · 17/06/2021 17:25

I'd have brought 2 bottles and explained that it's what I prefer to drink

khakiandcoral · 17/06/2021 17:26

@ClaudiaWankleman

No I said that as a guest, I would never be as rude and would stick to water...

If you have any manner, you drink what is offered to you, or water.
if you REALLY dislike the choice, stick with water.

No you gave diktats to the rest of us.

well, you might find the OP's guest perfectly normal I find her rude, because she was.

Pointing out basic manners it not giving diktats, you are free to act as rudely as you want. Bringing your own drinks and refusing what's on offer for example Grin

InTheDrunkTank · 17/06/2021 17:27

Sounds like something Fil's wife would do. She once cane to out house with a bottle of wine and a very standard box of chocolates. It was a celebration for DH getting a new job so we had champagne, very nice three course meal I'd spent all day preparing, cocktails afterwards (which is much more posh than we normally do) etc. The next day she sent an email complaining she hadn't been offered one of her chocolates.