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Original poster

Bringing wine to a dinner party etiquette

257 replies

WellLarDeDar · 17/06/2021 14:37

I was brought up being told that if you go to someone's house for dinner you take something nice like wine or flowers etc because it's good manners. If I took wine to someone else's house I would expect them to either store it and have it when they felt like it, or pop it open and we drink it together.

DH and I were trying to make friends in a new area and invited a couple over for dinner - I met the husband through work, we got along really well so I invited them both over. The wife came in and handed me a bottle of wine and I was like oh thank you would you like a glass (yes obviously), went to the kitchen and poured four glasses of it and handed them out and great. Throughout dinner we were opening more bottles (provided by us) and then afterwards we settled in the lounge and the wife went 'oh I'd like some of our wine now.' and made a comment about our wine being sweet. Admittedly I do love Riesling and it is sweet but I had this sinking feeling... because we'd already drunk it together and she obviously didnt realize and I suddenly felt like a naughty child that had eaten all of someone else's Halloween candy and had that dreaded stomach pit feeling when you've just been caught out and have to own up. It was super awkward and I said 'i think that's all gone, we drank it all' and she went '...oh' and the look on her face...I could be wrong but we got the impression that she brought the wine for her and my colleague to drink...but not for me and DH and we shouldn't have drunk it :S she spent the rest of the evening furiously texting and not talking and I felt so embarrassed

Was I really rude to have poured DH and I a glass? I get at a big group bbq or house party people sometimes bring their own stuff but I didnt think that would be the case for a small four person dinner party. If you're over for dinner and hand me some wine I'm gona say let's all have a glass :S Crap. I'm 30 and feel like I have no idea how to adult!

OP posts:
PurBal · 17/06/2021 14:52

@Xiaoxiong I don't take very good wine when I go over for dinner these days. Instead we spend around a tenner (usually at a good bottle shop rather than the supermarket). I've missed out on some really exciting bottles and been served the "plonk" too many times.

Classica · 17/06/2021 14:52

She was clearly very rude, exceedingly so. I would add though that I wouldn’t have served Riesling at an occasion like this, as it’s famously not to everyone’s taste.

GorekyPark · 17/06/2021 14:52

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chipsandgin · 17/06/2021 14:53

You clearly have the adulting sussed- she was just really rude/weird, the request was odd & she clearly doesn’t get out much if she thinks that’s normal! Also texting & not talking...super weird, I’d encourage the friendship to be just between you DH & the husband & definitely steer clear of her!

As far as I have always understood there are two widely acknowledged etiquette rules with wine & dinner parties, you either thank the guest and store it away for another time whilst providing them with the wine you’ve matched to the food you’ve cooked (therefore taking the wine as a gift) or you pour it as and when appropriate for everyone present who wants any, including you!

The first thing is what pretty much all the upper class people we know do & also the French (& I imagine with the plonk we buy they then use it for cooking because the wine they actually drink is far nicer!). The second is just standard IMO.

Original poster
WellLarDeDar · 17/06/2021 14:54

@PurBalba she definitely thought hers tasted better! but the brand was very recognizable and costs ~£6.50 at the supermarket so at least it wasnt a £500 bottle of aged wine that we sank!

I think she thought that when I poured the first four glasses that hers was her wine and ours was our wine :S

OP posts:
Dollywilde · 17/06/2021 14:54

@GorekyPark

the wife went 'oh I'd like some of our wine now.' and made a comment about our wine being sweet

she spent the rest of the evening furiously texting and not talking

I agree there’s a bit of projection but the above is rude either way and OP was there and we weren’t so I’m more inclined to trust her reading of the situation, particularly with the guest going quiet after.

chipsandgin · 17/06/2021 14:55

(& the only time it’s acceptable to bring your own drinks is if you’re pregnant, teetotal or have allergies & would presumably explain that when you presented them..)

OchonAgusOchonOh · 17/06/2021 14:55

I agree with everyone else. She was extremely rude.

However, I do think you were a poor host to only provide Riesling. While Riesling (or similar) can be lovely with certain food, most people would find it too sweet to just sip on its own.

That said, nothing excuses her behaviour. In her situation, I would have declined any more Riesling after the meal (assuming it went with the food) and just asked for a glass of water.

SaltySkulls · 17/06/2021 14:55

I have to ask though, did you just offer sweet white wine? (Young Riesling isn't particularly sweet in my book though - was it the aged stuff?.) I would have struggled with that with a meal, but just have stopped drinking wine and moved on to water without comment, but I might have wished you'd offered me more of a choice

I was wondering this too. I wouldn't have said a word and she was definitely a rude cow, but I would have stopped drinking the wine after one glass as I really struggle with sweet wine. I actually hate it.

Wanttocry · 17/06/2021 14:56

@Bellyups

She was unreasonable. Who does that? Confused

I’ve heard of some people wanting to take their drink home too

We had a couple of friends of DH over for dinner and they brought a bottle of wine but we didn’t open it - we provided other drinks, wine and pimms. And then they took it out of our fridge at the end of the night and took it home with them. I thought it was a bit rude but DH insisted that was definitely normal. I should add that by pure coincidence the wine they brought was exactly the same brand and type as the wine we had, which I mentioned to them when they gave it to me just as a “oh we’ve clearly got the same taste!” kind of comment, so it wasn’t like they’d brought nice wine and we’d served rubbish.
ConstantCrayfish · 17/06/2021 14:57

The guest refers to the wine she brought as 'the good stuff' and then spends the rest of the evening texting. I don't think either of those things features in The Guide To Being a Good Guest.

Palavah · 17/06/2021 14:57

@GorekyPark

Everyone saying she was rude...did you notice OP is just guessing at what she thinks the other woman was thinking, she didn't actually say any of those things?

Some people will bring something to drink themselves, they should say so and also bring somehting for the hosts too.
But you need to chill a bit OP, you're OTT.

She was rude to 'spend the evening furiously texting and not talking'. Did you miss that bit?
Classica · 17/06/2021 14:57

IMAGINE taking your bottle of wine home with you at the end of the night. My sphincter is puckering in embarrassment at the very thought.

PinkMendinilla · 17/06/2021 14:58

You thought exactly right, bringing booze just to drink yourself is for bigger group bbqs or picnics and such like, or student house parties, not dinner parties. If you're invited for dinner, the wine is a gift (albeit one that the host might like to share).

Like a PP says though, very sweet wine is an acquired taste so it might be good to have something a bit more neutral/ dry in as well next time. She was very rude for texting all night, even if the wine wasn't to her taste.

partyatthepalace · 17/06/2021 14:59

No she’s weird and rude

And I suspect maybe embarrassed that she’d moaned about your wind but not noticed that she’d drunk her own ‘superior’ wine.

Ignore

Classica · 17/06/2021 14:59

Grin at a £6.50 bottle of wine being described as the 'good stuff'. I like a bottle of Yellowtail Shiraz just fine but never in a million years would I refer to it as 'the good stuff'.

Original poster
WellLarDeDar · 17/06/2021 14:59

@OchonAgusOchonOh

I agree with everyone else. She was extremely rude.

However, I do think you were a poor host to only provide Riesling. While Riesling (or similar) can be lovely with certain food, most people would find it too sweet to just sip on its own.

That said, nothing excuses her behaviour. In her situation, I would have declined any more Riesling after the meal (assuming it went with the food) and just asked for a glass of water.

hey thats unfair! there was also pinot and beer! and other soft drinks!
OP posts:
Soverymuchfruit · 17/06/2021 14:59

She can't have meant it was just for them to drink. That's too weird and rude: she'd handed it over to the hosts. You don't hand something over and expect to keep it.

She probably just didn't like your Reisling, and had forgotten by the end of the evening that her first glass was not-Reisling. It may also not have been as nice as she'd expected.

Then she responded to having created an awkward situation by hiding in her phone and being rude that way.

ShallWeStartTheMeeting · 17/06/2021 14:59

What a rude bitch!
Etiquette is you bring a decent bottle for the hosts. If they open and share it there and then, fine, otherwise you get what you are given.
And as for the texting at a dinner party.... that is so shamelessly rude.
Wasn't her husband mortified?
I mean I feel guilty enough when I leave my phone in reach in case there is a DC emergency. The idea of just texting and ignoring everyone else is bonkers.

Original poster
WellLarDeDar · 17/06/2021 14:59

not to mention gin :S

OP posts:
ConstantCrayfish · 17/06/2021 15:00

We were asked to take some red wine to friends for dinner last weekend as they didn't have much (when we asked what we could bring). We got there, the four of us drank beer, fizz and white wine with our food, and we left the red wine for them to drink another time. We were offered a choice of drink every time a new bottle was opened. All very straightforward.

HeronLanyon · 17/06/2021 15:02

She was extremely rude. Sometimes eg bringing non alcoholic or similar then of course you’d say ‘I brought this for me and this (second) for everyone else’.
She saw you opening and pouring. What was she doing and why didn’t she have some then.

Bluntness100 · 17/06/2021 15:02

Could she have been texting about something else? How was her husband behaving? Could you have misinterpreted ans she was embarassed not to have realised?

ConstantCrayfish · 17/06/2021 15:02

You didn't mention the Pinot, OP! Although assuming you mean Pinot Noir, then it leaves the dry white wine lovers hanging still.

JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 17/06/2021 15:05

YANBU. I was bought up to bring enough drink for us and the hosts and to NEVER take it home at the end of the night.