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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bringing wine to a dinner party etiquette

257 replies

WellLarDeDar · 17/06/2021 14:37

I was brought up being told that if you go to someone's house for dinner you take something nice like wine or flowers etc because it's good manners. If I took wine to someone else's house I would expect them to either store it and have it when they felt like it, or pop it open and we drink it together.

DH and I were trying to make friends in a new area and invited a couple over for dinner - I met the husband through work, we got along really well so I invited them both over. The wife came in and handed me a bottle of wine and I was like oh thank you would you like a glass (yes obviously), went to the kitchen and poured four glasses of it and handed them out and great. Throughout dinner we were opening more bottles (provided by us) and then afterwards we settled in the lounge and the wife went 'oh I'd like some of our wine now.' and made a comment about our wine being sweet. Admittedly I do love Riesling and it is sweet but I had this sinking feeling... because we'd already drunk it together and she obviously didnt realize and I suddenly felt like a naughty child that had eaten all of someone else's Halloween candy and had that dreaded stomach pit feeling when you've just been caught out and have to own up. It was super awkward and I said 'i think that's all gone, we drank it all' and she went '...oh' and the look on her face...I could be wrong but we got the impression that she brought the wine for her and my colleague to drink...but not for me and DH and we shouldn't have drunk it :S she spent the rest of the evening furiously texting and not talking and I felt so embarrassed

Was I really rude to have poured DH and I a glass? I get at a big group bbq or house party people sometimes bring their own stuff but I didnt think that would be the case for a small four person dinner party. If you're over for dinner and hand me some wine I'm gona say let's all have a glass :S Crap. I'm 30 and feel like I have no idea how to adult!

OP posts:
CatherineMorland · 17/06/2021 15:36

I thought the etiquette was not to serve the wine that somebody brought. That’s a gift for the hosts.

KarmaStar · 17/06/2021 15:36

Of course Yanbu she sounds unhinged!😊
Is she jealous of you working with her dh and trying to make you feel small?
She's totally in the wrong she was being a bitch.ignore.

Sisisimone · 17/06/2021 15:42

What a horrible, rude woman.

Is she jealous of you working with her dh and trying to make you feel small?

I must admit I was thinking exactly this when I was reading your posts

Wearywithteens · 17/06/2021 15:44

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

FillerAngel · 17/06/2021 15:48

@Xiaoxiong yes! Very posh boomers think it’s batshit to take wine to a party. It suggests you think the host’s cellar isn’t up to much.

I’m an Xennial so take wine everywhere unless it’s to someone like a godparent or similar.

This woman is rude for the texting let alone the rest of it.

Derbee · 17/06/2021 15:49

She sounds strange, and probably not the type you want to be friends with.

Everyone on here complaining about wine choice - it’s not a bloody restaurant. You serve what you like/have. If she didn’t like it, she could’ve stopped drinking.

You might have misread the situation though - weren’t you all pissed after a bottle of wine each?!

khakiandcoral · 17/06/2021 15:49

this is only acceptable if you're off the booze for whatever reason and have brought something so your hosts don't feel awkward.

it really isn't.

Normal hosts provide non alcoholic drinks, if you REALLY dislike the choice, stick with water. You don't bring a choice of food or drink just in case you don't like what's an offer!

(slightly different if you have a genuine allergy in a bigger event and it's safer).

ScottishNewbie · 17/06/2021 15:50

She's the weird (and rude one).
How odd!

khakiandcoral · 17/06/2021 15:50

That's why I love MN, the anecdote about CF and rude people are priceless!

(Your guest, OP ,not you, you have done absolutely nothing wrong!)

HeronLanyon · 17/06/2021 15:51

I would deffo bring alcohol free something or other if I was not drinking - I wouldn’t expect any host to know or know what’s good or provide it. Or I would drink water. Yes.

daisyducky · 17/06/2021 15:53

She was rude!

When I'm invited I usually bring what I normally drink quantity wise and then an additional bottle for the hosts.

So if it was me & DH going to a party I'd bring 3 bottles of wine. Expect 2 to be drunk and the 3rd for the hosts.

She's nuts

Hadjab · 17/06/2021 15:56

She was rude, but a good host gets in a variety of wines to cater for all tastes. That said, I’d drink whatever you were serving, unless it was red, which I just can’t stand.

khakiandcoral · 17/06/2021 16:01

but a good host gets in a variety of wines to cater for all tastes.

since when? Confused
You are confusing a diner party with a restaurant.

There should be a choice of wine and non alcoholic drinks - people drive, are pregnant, take medication, don't feel like drinking, don't drink full stop.

But a choice of wine? Most decent hosts will know what wine works best with the dishes they serve, no need for a selection.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/06/2021 16:01

Half of me now missed dinner parties, and the opportunity to have a few drinks and a chat with friends. The other half is really glad covid put paid to all these shenanigans for a while! Obviously a minefield…

But you were in the right in this instance, and she was very rude!

godmum56 · 17/06/2021 16:07

rude woman!

Shedbuilder · 17/06/2021 16:11

Not unreasonable to open and drink their wine (though I'm surprised you didn't chill it first), but unreasonable only to have Riesling to offer guests. I would struggled to drink that, particularly if I'd turned up with a nice dry Sauvignon Blanc or a Picpoul de Pinet. Actually I would have been annoyed that you'd sunk my wine and only had sweet stuff left.

It's a bit like you offering someone a mug of tea and then giving them lapsang souchong because that's the kind of tea you like. Not good hosting, really.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 17/06/2021 16:11

Rude AF! I wouldn't invite them again. I bring wine as a gift to the hosts. It's supposed to be a gift.

SandAndSea · 17/06/2021 16:13

She sounds really rude. Your hosting sounds great. Even if someone doesn't like your choice of wine, you sound really hospitable and generous, which means much more.

Ambo21 · 17/06/2021 16:13

If she brought the wine as a gift for the hosts then it is theirs to do with as they wish...

If she has allergies and can only drink certain alcohol, she should have stated that and been served only the stuff she brought... but should really have mentioned that issue at the time of accepting the invitation...

Looked a wee bit silly not to recognise her 'own' wine.. but was incredibly rude to sit texting when a guest in someone elses house...

I would have overlooked the wine nonsense but would have called her out on the texting...

'Is there a problem?.. Are you having a family emergency?'

Unacceptable behaviour...

You, on the other hand, did nothing wrong!

osbertthesyrianhamster · 17/06/2021 16:13

If I want to drink something particular, I bring additional drink and say, 'I brought this, too. If you don't mind, I'll stick to this tonight because insert excuse (actually, I hate sweet wines and roses).' And then I leave what I didn't drink there in addition to the gift bottle.

Ohpulltheotherone · 17/06/2021 16:14

Did she think it was like a pre-drink / house party situation where you take your own drink Grin

That’s made me laugh a little - imagine taking a bottle of wine to someone’s dinner party and expecting that they only serve it to you.

Mental behaviour. Nowt as queer as folk.

NotSorry · 17/06/2021 16:14

I voted YABU as YABU for caring what these twats think when you've entertained them

Sisisimone · 17/06/2021 16:14

Shedbuilder the OP explained they had brought their own wine chilled and they had already drunk that and 2 bottles of the OPs Pinot Grigio before they opened the Reisling

CookieClub · 17/06/2021 16:15

Yes to AIBU...for serving reisling Grin

Just kidding. She was rude!

lastcall · 17/06/2021 16:17

your guest was very rude