Bringing wine to a dinner party etiquette

[WellLarDeDar]

I was brought up being told that if you go to someone's house for dinner you take something nice like wine or flowers etc because it's good manners. If I took wine to someone else's house I would expect them to either store it and have it when they felt like it, or pop it open and we drink it together.

DH and I were trying to make friends in a new area and invited a couple over for dinner - I met the husband through work, we got along really well so I invited them both over. The wife came in and handed me a bottle of wine and I was like oh thank you would you like a glass (yes obviously), went to the kitchen and poured four glasses of it and handed them out and great. Throughout dinner we were opening more bottles (provided by us) and then afterwards we settled in the lounge and the wife went 'oh I'd like some of our wine now.' and made a comment about our wine being sweet. Admittedly I do love Riesling and it is sweet but I had this sinking feeling... because we'd already drunk it together and she obviously didnt realize and I suddenly felt like a naughty child that had eaten all of someone else's Halloween candy and had that dreaded stomach pit feeling when you've just been caught out and have to own up. It was super awkward and I said 'i think that's all gone, we drank it all' and she went '...oh' and the look on her face...I could be wrong but we got the impression that she brought the wine for her and my colleague to drink...but not for me and DH and we shouldn't have drunk it :S she spent the rest of the evening furiously texting and not talking and I felt so embarrassed

Was I really rude to have poured DH and I a glass? I get at a big group bbq or house party people sometimes bring their own stuff but I didnt think that would be the case for a small four person dinner party. If you're over for dinner and hand me some wine I'm gona say let's all have a glass :S Crap. I'm 30 and feel like I have no idea how to adult!

@ConstantCrayfish

You didn't mention the Pinot, OP! Although assuming you mean Pinot Noir, then it leaves the dry white wine lovers hanging still.

i know i didnt mention it but have some faith i wouldnt just serve reisling! there was some red odds and sodds in the cupboard that didnt get touched, Rioja because I know that was what my colleague liked but red didnt really go with the food so didnt get touched. i dont particularly like rioja though, but my colleague likes it a lot, shame we didnt open that really.

(but yes a white pinot was served at dinner and then a reisling with dessert) next time i will stay away from the resiling!

She was probably embarrassed and buried herself in texts as she felt awkward. Rude and immature

You did nothing wrong, your guest was very rude.

Expecting to drink your own wine only and not share it is acceptable only as a student. Anyone who continues to behave like that past the age of about 22 is utterly unreasonable.

Some people will bring something to drink themselves

As chips says - this is only acceptable if you're off the booze for whatever reason and have brought something so your hosts don't feel awkward. You definitely can't bring nice booze and expect to drink it all yourself!

Some people are so weird. We have a friend who sometimes brings a paperback to read in his lap during dinner parties and can
somehow competently eat and conduct a conversation at the same time. Luckily we are old enough friends that we now just reach over and confiscate his book when there are other guests that he doesn't know. At a dinner party my parents had when I was young, a guest set his own hair on fire because he was bored!

And I was told off by a very grand Belgian countess once for bringing a bottle of wine to dinner - she said this was OUTRAGEOUSLY rude as any competent host would have chosen the wines to match each course so I was insulting her competence as a host, and what on earth was she to do with just one bottle of wine? All her dinner parties were 10+ people. According to her, the only acceptable gifts were chocolate or white flowers, anything else might not match the decor. White flowers are very unlucky where I grew up so this was very confusing for me

you poor thing op! you don't need to feel that way, I expect she was mortified too when she reviewed her behaviour the morning after!

@Bellyups

She was unreasonable. Who does that?

I’ve heard of some people wanting to take their drink home too

I've heard even worse. Someone we know is very particular about his wine. We were at a dinner party there and at the end of the evening he returned a bottle a fellow guest had bought to the guest saying 'you might as well take this home with you. No one here would drink that'

You did the right thing OP.

But Reisling is a very particular taste. Our oenophile host above loves it and often serves it but he always offers a choice of something drier for those of us who prefer that.

We have a friend who sometimes brings a paperback to read in his lap during dinner parties

Does this come across as charmingly eccentric, or just a bit odd?

If it makes you feel any better, I'm 41 and I have no idea on dinner party etiquette either! But then Ive only attended / hosted very informal dinner parties with very close friends so it's never been an issue.

FWIW I would have done what you did. This woman sounds incredibly rude and a total nightmare to make a drama out of absolutely fuck all.

So what were you planning to offer on arrival? Given the weather this week I'd have been expecting a white wine option before dinner, rather than only red or beer or gin, especially if the main course didn't suit a red.

YABU to think you were rude OP. Your guest was the rude one and I’m not sure why you should feel bad as it sounds like you shared their wine with them and they just didn’t recognise it. How odd for them to suggest to have ‘their wine’ unless they had it in mind for a particular course but even then!!

I think she was embarrassed that she didn't recognise her own wine. You never ask for your own wine to be served. That's extremely rude
Is it possible she felt out of her depth? Very rude of her but perhaps she is unaware of the etiquette

The only error on your part was the serving of Riesling as your only white wine and the alternative being “bits of reds” that you have in the cupboard, gin, soft drinks or beer. How about getting in some decent white wine for guests! I do think that was pretty poor hosting.

I also thought it was a bit odd to crack open her bottle immediately, didn’t it need to be chilled? Also I would have considered that to be a gift, not the first wine to be served.

But that is all trumped by her rudeness, you do not bring your own wine to a dinner party! Hmm I am wondering though, was she so fed up with the Reisling (as most people would be) that in despair she asked for you to open the wine she brought (for all of you)?

@Confusedandshaken yes Im getting the impression that Reisling was not a good decision. FWIW there were a few bottles of pino but we drank it all and Reisling was all that was left at this point. unless she wanted to switch to soft drinks or beer or gin at the time. Turns out they're quite heavy drinkers, and DH drinks a lot but mostly sticks to beer unless he's having dinner. I drink wine quite slowly. I should have had some extra bottles of pinot. Of course I could be misinterpreting everything and maybe something else upset her leading to her texting all evening but I was really trying to make friends and just something about the way she said it and her expression didnt put me at ease.

And for what it’s worth Riesling is an excellent white wine!

@Aprilx as ive said there was pinot but it got drank so fast all that was left was reisling. i think we drank 3 bottles between four of us before even opening the reisling. and DH only had a few glasses and was mainly drinking beer. and Im not big so drink quite slowly. It was cold when she handed it to me so either it had been in their fridge or they had bought it from the refrigerated section on their way over. i feel a bit stupid now serving reisling! I've never known anyone to not like it before but definitely learnt my lesson.

@DarlingCoffee I can only compliment you on your excellent taste! :)

Staggeringly rude!

However, for those saying Riesling is sweet - there are multiple 'grades', from Trocken (dry) to Auslese (sweet) or even Trockenbeerenauslese, which is like a dessert wine, although very difficult to find in the UK.

I personally highly recommend a Kabinett (dry to off-dry) with East / South East Asian food, especially Thai.

I guess if you only like a certain kind of wine it is annoying if you take that and everyone drinks it.

In that case though you take two bottles. One for the host, and one for you and you say "so sorry to come across as a bit odd but I am VERY picky with my wine and really only like this one. I hope its ok if I just drink this one tonight?" and the host is like "oh, yeah, sure, that's fine"

One of my friends only likes one kind of white so she always brings that and keeps it next to her :-)

OP I love Reisling!!!

She’s extremely rude

But she did get to drink her own wine, at the beginning, until you'd finished her bottle and moved on to yours, right? So if she couldn't tell the difference, what was her point?

FWIW I wouldn't serve Riesling but I also wouldn't complain about wine that a host was serving. Even if I thought it was corked I wouldn't say anything! Hey, at least it's wine

She is not only BU but also weird.

It's not you OP.

@YellowFish12 welcome to the Resiling club!