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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To use ‘Rose’ as middle name for my rainbow baby?

229 replies

Qu33nSt3ph13 · 16/06/2021 10:05

I lost my precious first born Ella-Rose October last year, now 22 weeks with our rainbow baby boy!

Would Rose work as his middle name? Please be nice, but don’t feel obliged to say yes just because of the situation :-)

Thanks

OP posts:
2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 16/06/2021 10:07

I wouldn’t, too much baggage for the child and it’s a girls name. Sorry for your loss and congratulations on the new baby coming.

IndigoHexagon · 16/06/2021 10:07

I wouldn’t personally, even as a middle name give a boy such an obvious girl name. I’d use a variation though - maybe Rosen / Rowan / Roe.

Congratulations on your rainbow x 🌈

Whinge · 16/06/2021 10:07

Sorry to hear of your loss.

I know many people will say middle names don't matter, are never used etc. But no, I wouldn't give a boy the middle name Rose.

Alonelonelyloner · 16/06/2021 10:08

Just no.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

GiantToadstool · 16/06/2021 10:08

So sorry for your loss.

I think no for 2 reasons.

  1. No boy wants a girls name as a middle name.
  1. While right now he is "your baby" and you see him in light of your previous baby, when he is born he needs to be himself in his own right. It is not fair to him to literally label him with links to your previous baby.
Newmum29 · 16/06/2021 10:08

Sorry another vote for no

SquareTo · 16/06/2021 10:08

I’m so sorry for your loss. Congratulations on your rainbow baby boy.

I totally understand the significance of Rose but I’m afraid I don’t think it works as a boy’s name, even as a middle name. What about something like Roscoe? It has all the letters of Rose in it but is definitely a boy’s name.

GreyhoundG1rl · 16/06/2021 10:10

No.

YellowFish12 · 16/06/2021 10:12

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TheIncredibleBookEatingManchot · 16/06/2021 10:12

I'm very sorry for your loss Flowers

Unfortunately I think your son would find having a girl's name- especially a pretty flower name- as a middle name embarrassing. Even knowing the reason for it.

As a pp said, maybe a boy's name that sounds similar to either Ella or Rose would work better. Then he could tell people his middle name and the reason for it without any embarrassment.

DeathByWalkies · 16/06/2021 10:12

YABU - but only because he's a boy.

Other kids will find out, and other kids will be deeply unpleasant about it.

JaffaRaf · 16/06/2021 10:12

My stillborn daughters middle name was Rose, and my rainbows middle name is Rose too (it’s sort of a family tradition for girls anyway though) but I would not do the same for a boy, it’s a girls name. As a pp suggested though something like Roe or Rowan could be lovely. Sorry about your DD and congratulations on your pregnancy Smile

AnUnoriginalUsername · 16/06/2021 10:12

I like it! 🤷‍♀️ you couldn't use a traditional boys name though, it would have to be something a bit strong and unique.

Rainbowqueeen · 16/06/2021 10:15

Sorry no I don’t think it does work

Both your DC are wonderful and special. There is a wonderful special name out there for your little man.

Oly4 · 16/06/2021 10:15

No
Please don’t mark your son with a name belonging to his dead sibling. It’s not fair

Mummytomylittlegirl · 16/06/2021 10:15

Sorry I don’t think I would. Congratulations on your pregnancy. Flowers How about Elliot?

funnyoldonion · 16/06/2021 10:16

Bit of sensitivity in what you're saying wouldn't go a miss @YellowFish12

How about Ross or Ellis? Or perhaps you could save Rose if you had a little girl in the future

Cocomarine · 16/06/2021 10:16

Congratulations on your pregnancy, and I’m sorry for your loss.

I wouldn’t though. Not the gendered name issue, but my belief that a name should belong to you and you alone - and no child should be expected to hear the commemoration of another child after their death.

You could consider deed poll to add your daughter’s name to your own?

But I wouldn’t personally do that. Ella-Rose still carries her own name, you don’t “need” it anywhere else Flowers

bigbluebus · 16/06/2021 10:16

Definitely not. Whilst I can understand your reason for wanting to do this,it is YOUR reason not your sons reason. He won't want to go through life being ridiculed and trying to explain why he has a girl's name. I'm sorry for your loss but please don't do this to your son.

Jengnr · 16/06/2021 10:16

I wouldn’t. What about Elliot? Nice connection to his sister but a boy’s name and one he could make his own.

Toomanyradishes · 16/06/2021 10:17

What about Briar, as in rose briars, so a connection but still unique to him and a bit more appropriate for a boy?

REP22 · 16/06/2021 10:17

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. But I agree with others that it's not ideal for your son. How about Ross, or a similar-sounding male equivalent? On a personal note, I would not have liked to have been given the name of my deceased sibling, regardless of gender specifics.

I sincerely wish you and your boy all the very best.

littleredberries · 16/06/2021 10:18

I'm feeling the opposite as some of the other posters. I think this is a really lovely idea.
My mother had a pregnancy before me (I'm first born) which I knew nothing about until I was twenty. I wish I had known because I came to realise it had impacted my life a lot. The silence made it worse.
I would have loved sharing a middle name with this sister that never was. Bringing into the light and being more positive about it, rather than calling it "baggage", I think is a great idea. But it's up to you OP. DaffodilBiscuit

BarbarianMum · 16/06/2021 10:18

Please dont do anything that might in future make your son feel like he's a replacement or a consolation prize for your precious daughter (I know he's not but young people can pick up these negative feelings as they grow up).
Being a rainbow baby can be quite difficult emotionally. Give him his own name.

Wakeupsunshinex · 16/06/2021 10:19

A friend of mine has a little boy called Ambrose, which I think is lovely! Or maybe go for something like Rosario or Ross. I don't think Rose works on its own though and as pp's have said, your son needs his own identity.

Congratulations on your rainbow baby Flowers

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