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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend says I eat too much..aibu to think I don't?

241 replies

stealmysunshone · 15/06/2021 11:10

He always has something to say about what I eat and bangs on I eat too much.
He eats 1 meal a day (if you can call it that ) and for his lunch 1 slice of small bread with 1 slice of ham and that's it all day till 6pm

Today for lunch I had a 2 egg omelette (medium eggs ) with 1/4 tomato and 1/4 online and 2 mushrooms with a small tin of baked beans (2/3 of the tin)
For breakfast I just had a banana

He said that lunch is too big and it's more like a tea time meal.
If I just had 1 slice of bread with ham I would be shaky

For tea I'm having chicken with veg and potatoes
And a snack I've got a count on us 90 cal choc thing.

Aibu here? Is this too much ?
Is this normal ?
Every time I try and argue my case he says
My lunch is a plate full and too much

OP posts:
LucilleTheVampireBat · 15/06/2021 13:29

Download MyFitnessPal or something similar (it’s free), put your details in and work out how many calories you should both be consuming

So, justify her perfectly normal days intake to him? Fuck that.

Wroxie · 15/06/2021 13:31

If what you describe is accurate you're eating about 600 to 800 calories per day (unless you're covering everything with cheese or something). If your partner is eating less than this... well, I don't believe he is, he wouldn't be able to function. Either you're not accurately describing your intake, you're making this whole story up for some reason, or you BOTH have serious and life-threatening eating disorders and you need help immediately.

Emimummy · 15/06/2021 13:31

It's petty and makes people feel insecure when what they eat is scrutinised. Please don't listen to your boyfriend, what he is saying to you is not OK he needs to mind his own business.

ScrollingLeaves · 15/06/2021 13:32

1forAll74

“But I dare say that he can survive on so little food for some time, if he is used to it..”

He isn’t. That’s why he is drinking so much alcohol (aka sugar) and ogling OP’s food.

Original poster
stealmysunshone · 15/06/2021 13:32

@Wroxie I have my fitness plan and I put everything in and I'm always 1300-1400 so I don't know where your getting 800 from

OP posts:
Notaroadrunner · 15/06/2021 13:34

He wouldn't be my bf. I couldn't continue a relationship with someone who criticises everything I eat. He has issues and unless he is willing to get help to resolve them then you're better off without him.

Nietzschethehiker · 15/06/2021 13:35

The only damn person in the world that has a right to comment on my food intake is me. Not my DP , not my DC or anyone else.

I would seriously place a red line here. It is unacceptable for anyone to comment on what another adult chooses to eat when it doesn't affect them. He needs to stop commenting at all if he wants to continue. Perhaps he does have an ED and need support ...fair enough but not to project that onto you.

This is partly why I get the red mist on here when you see posts about telling someone about their diet because they " caaarrreee " and better it comes from them.

Absolute rubbish, it always comes from a place of judgement and control. Usually in a perverse hidden way that results in the controlling partner crying that they were just trying to help and they meant well. Ergh the worse kind of spineless controlling behaviour that people can't even admit to.

HelpMeh · 15/06/2021 13:35

My ex once berated me for eating too much cheese. It was a sign I should've heeded - he was indeed a complete prick.

Bin.

Nietzschethehiker · 15/06/2021 13:36

@MeowPurrGrr

Download MyFitnessPal or something similar (it’s free), put your details in and work out how many calories you should both be consuming. It’s very unlikely he’s meeting his calories and nutritional needs, he can’t argue with science and facts!
Why on earth would she feed into the belief that he has any right to monitor her food intake ? I understand what you mean here but it's just an affirmation he has any rights or say over how she eats.
Cocomarine · 15/06/2021 13:37

He doesn’t eat one meal a day if he has a small sandwich at lunchtime, at “that’s it until 6pm”.

Presumably he’s not wasting away?

I am a peri menopausal 52yo and I don’t eat breakfast, and that one slice sandwich would be perfectly fine for me all day until evening meal.

However… I sure we fuck wouldn’t be commenting on someone else’s food 🤷🏻‍♀️
But then, I also wouldn’t put up with his commenting 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would tell him politely to shut up, and if he disrespected me in ignoring that, I’d dump him. Curious why you’re putting up with it! This should be “WIBU to dump him for…” 😉

You don’t need to tell us that you had a slice of tomato… it doesn’t matter what you had. It’s not his damn business. You no more need to justify it to us, then you do to him!

shivawn · 15/06/2021 13:37

How long are you with this guy?

Why are you with him??

I couldn't be with someone who rolls their eyes at me when I suggest a takeaway. Do you go out for dinner together? Drinks? Long leisurely lunches out with my husband are among my favourite things.

Wroxie · 15/06/2021 13:38

@stealmysunshone Put this in MyFitnessPal and see what you come up with:

1 large banana

2 large eggs
1 mushroom
.5 Onion
.25 tomato
.75 small tin baked beans
1 tablespoon butter (or whatever you cooked the eggs in)

1 medium chicken breast (or whatever chicken you are having)
1 medium potato
150g broccoli
Whatever oil, butter, etc you cooked this meal with

1 90cal snack bar thingy

And tell me what you get? Unless you're eating two leg quarters of chicken including the skin and absolutely bathing your meals in butter or oil, my maths are right.

Cocomarine · 15/06/2021 13:41

Just re-read your OP.
Honestly, I’m gobsmacked that your AIBU is about your food intake, and not his commenting.

You’re using MFP and calorie counting. You sound like you’re dieting as you’re logging things and refer to a low calorie snack. And frankly, knowing you’ve had a very specific quarter of a tomato… so surely you should have the confidence you know that your food choices are, or are not, healthy / enough?

Why do you feel you need to check your eating here, instead of just telling him to piss off?

Wroxie · 15/06/2021 13:42

Just to be clear - your partner has no business commenting on your food. I'm just pointing out that based on YOUR OWN DESCRIPTION of your food for the day, you are already SERIOUSLY undereating and you may have an eating disorder of your own alongside his. Just something to be aware of.

steff13 · 15/06/2021 13:46

He's controlling. LTB. Or, eat him too.

numberoneson · 15/06/2021 13:55

Oooh - get shot of him double quick! At least 3 Red Flags showing: he's got an eating disorder; he's controlling; he's gaslighting you. He also has zero respect for you. This relationship is a one way trip to disaster.

cateycloggs · 15/06/2021 13:56

Apart from the drinking, he sounds like my brother who has been controlling about food as well as other stuff all his life. We were brought up with basic food too but he would keep an eagle eye on how much cheese/how many potatoes etc others ate. If he were allowed he would be just the same now. But he can only affect himself now and basically lives on other peoples' leftovers. If you saw him in the street you would think he is A) very ill, B) very poor. He is not poor.

You sound like a very nice, thoughtful, responsible woman why are you with such a killjoy? Are you cooking these restricted meals for him?

Fro what it's worth fat people can control their food too. I am very overweight but often choose to eat half a tomato, pepper etc because that's all I want at the time. I have a fridge and know how to use it.

godmum56 · 15/06/2021 13:59

I don't think its right or helpful to be getting into how much the OP eats....that's a red herring...its the BF's food issues that are the problem here and they won't be reversed by science or argument because they are not rational.

Zilla1 · 15/06/2021 14:00

If your weight is stable and you are happy OP then at best, ignore advice from someone who clearly doesn't understand a healthy diet. At worst, you might need to directly tell him to keep his mouth shut. It probably won't be well received if you want to help address where the problems lie in terms of your DP's quality of diet and possible drinking problems.

Good luck.

blacksax · 15/06/2021 14:02

You don't eat too much. You eat a perfectly normal healthy diet.

My advice is to tell him to fuck off and take his opinions out of your life.

PizzaCrust · 15/06/2021 14:03

I had an ex like this. At the time I was a size 6. He guilted me every time I ate and would remove food from me, or prevent me from purchasing food when we were out together. I spent most of our date days ravenous and resorted to binge eating when I got home. I was about 16 at the time.

It’s abusive. After we broke up it took me years to even eat in front of people in public. I was genuinely terrified about being asked on a dinner date.

To this day he is still as thin as a rake.

He needs to stop or the relationship needs to end. It might seem like it’s only food but it is deeply, mentally damaging.

MoreHairyThanScary · 15/06/2021 14:03

He was brought up with food issues... and now he's trying to normalise that to you!

MustardRose · 15/06/2021 14:04

How much does he weigh, because that's exactly the amount you need to lose.

Rubyrecka · 15/06/2021 14:04

Your eating well balance portions of veg, protein and fats. He's got a eating disorder and monitors your food as well as his own. Controlling.

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