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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend says I eat too much..aibu to think I don't?

241 replies

stealmysunshone · 15/06/2021 11:10

He always has something to say about what I eat and bangs on I eat too much.
He eats 1 meal a day (if you can call it that ) and for his lunch 1 slice of small bread with 1 slice of ham and that's it all day till 6pm

Today for lunch I had a 2 egg omelette (medium eggs ) with 1/4 tomato and 1/4 online and 2 mushrooms with a small tin of baked beans (2/3 of the tin)
For breakfast I just had a banana

He said that lunch is too big and it's more like a tea time meal.
If I just had 1 slice of bread with ham I would be shaky

For tea I'm having chicken with veg and potatoes
And a snack I've got a count on us 90 cal choc thing.

Aibu here? Is this too much ?
Is this normal ?
Every time I try and argue my case he says
My lunch is a plate full and too much

OP posts:
VettiyaIruken · 15/06/2021 12:21

You need to tell him that he is not in charge of what you eat and he either shuts the fuck up or he fucks off.

Eviethyme · 15/06/2021 12:22

To be honest in the real world you are techniquelly under eating as breakfast is usually more for most people.

I'm someone who skips breakfast, eats a big lunch and a small sized dinner but I'd say overall I probably eat the same amount as you.

You should be eating around 2000 cals and its doesn't sound like you do so I'd say your fine

ClawedButler · 15/06/2021 12:23

Fuck, and I mean this most sincerely, that shit.

He needs professional, psychological help. For his relationship with food and his need to control everything/everybody in his environment.

You know full well that you are eating fine, but you're looking for validation because he seems so sure. Of course he's sure. He's in the grip of a delusion.

It is not your job to correct this delusion, nor to participate in it.

My advice to you would be to finish with him, and strongly suggest he gets some counselling. Then walk away from this utter shitstorm because if you don't you'll go down with him.

MaMaD1990 · 15/06/2021 12:23

What you are eating is totally normal...I always think omelettes look huge because they're spread out but it's not a massive lunch. He's got some seriously concerning issues around food by the sounds of it - next time he says something suggest he seeks help for his issues and let you crack on with your completely normal and healthy way of life.

Dixiechickonhols · 15/06/2021 12:25

Your food sounds absolutely fine. Hes obviously got disordered eating. He must be getting calories elsewhere eg booze or he'd be underweight.
You are a healthy weight.
One option is to work out your daily calories on a tdee calculator log your food for a week on nutracheck etc and try and have a sensible discussion with him - see I'm fine please do not mention it again.
Or be petty and call him out in same way as you are being picked on - where's your veg that's not healthy, are you enjoying your 250 calories (beer) etc.
Realistically do you want to live like this? He wont change. Do you want to bring children into this - fast forward 7 years and he's criticising your daughter for eating lunch.

partyatthepalace · 15/06/2021 12:26

Your boyfriend has some serious issues with food and he’s passing them onto you. Tell him today, you don’t want to hear one more comment about what you eat, ever. Give him a couple weeks grace to get used to that and pull him up every time. If he carries on in anyway after that - dump him. He’s obviously got a problem himself but he’s also controlling and you don’t need that in a partner.

It sounds like he has restricted so much his metabolism has slowed down and he isn’t burning much.

Both what you eat and your weight sound fine. Have some natural yogurt with your banana, will keep you fuller.

me4real · 15/06/2021 12:27

YANBU, if that's all he's eating he has control issues about food.

And not his business what you eat.

ikeepseeingit · 15/06/2021 12:27

My partner doesn’t eat much but he knows very well that he needs to eat more, some days he eats more than others he just generally has a low appetite. He also would absolutely never judge me for eating a whole dominos pizza for lunch if I wanted to. Why does he think that it’s okay for him to police your perfectly healthy meal choice?? That lunch was very nutritionally balanced and a very good choice for a lunch, protein to keep you full, beans for carbs and protein and veg for vitamins. He on the other hand has a slice of processed bread and a single slice of processed ham that is probably watered down. Don’t let him take his food aversions out on you.

VettiyaIruken · 15/06/2021 12:31

And stop trying to explain yourself.

That's acting like you need his permission or agreement about what you're allowed to eat.

In fact, every time he started that shit, I'd go buy myself a mars bar.

CrazyNeighbour · 15/06/2021 12:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Anxietyforever · 15/06/2021 12:33

Imagine having kids with him and he starts policing their food Sad

Reallyreallyborednow · 15/06/2021 12:36

He has an eating disorder. Whether it’s severely restricting, eating in secret, or making up the calories with alcohol.

How is his weight? Does he exercise?

Eating disorders are absolutely awful to be around. I’d be out of there.

godmum56 · 15/06/2021 12:36

Not his business. If he has food relationship issues, then that's his problem and he can choose to address it. he should NOT be enmeshing you.

OccaChocca · 15/06/2021 12:37

I'm no diet expert but it sounds like you have a much better diet than he does. Is he not bothered about vitamins and minerals?

I couldn't put up with this. How long have you been with him? Does he have any redeeming features?

BlueDaises · 15/06/2021 12:41

Why are you letting Him constantly criticise what you eat and what your weight is ?

you know this is not normal behaviour, despite his upbringing which is a poor excuse to try to control Your eating btw.

I agree with everyone tell you, get rid of this guy. THIS controlling of the food can only get worse, if he does not get help.

🌸

stuntfarter · 15/06/2021 12:42

@ClawedButler

Fuck, and I mean this most sincerely, that shit.

He needs professional, psychological help. For his relationship with food and his need to control everything/everybody in his environment.

You know full well that you are eating fine, but you're looking for validation because he seems so sure. Of course he's sure. He's in the grip of a delusion.

It is not your job to correct this delusion, nor to participate in it.

My advice to you would be to finish with him, and strongly suggest he gets some counselling. Then walk away from this utter shitstorm because if you don't you'll go down with him.

This

Life is too short to have your basic life requirements monitored
Go for the hills and don't look back
And take a giant cream bun with you CakeCakeCakeCakeCakeCake

muddyford · 15/06/2021 12:44

Your diet and intake sound fine to me. I get shaky if I don't eat three square meals a day and eat more than my husband, but I am substantially more active than him.

Lalliella · 15/06/2021 12:44

You shouldn’t be walking 6 miles a day. You should be running. For the hills.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/06/2021 12:44

Ignore…but re: him, sounds like he has an eating disorder (I don’t think it’s about controlling you but rather his twisted views on food).

TwinkleToeMatilda · 15/06/2021 12:46

Don’t listen to him. You eat what you want to eat.

EmeraldShamrock · 15/06/2021 12:46

Tell him to feck. Yabu for only using a 1/4 tomato and 2 mushrooms you should have used more.

justanotherneighinparadise · 15/06/2021 12:48

I wouldn’t be with someone who had any interest at all in what I ate in a day beyond anything I cared to tell him. It’s controlling behaviour and a red flag.

FrenchieFromGrease · 15/06/2021 12:54

Why are you even getting dragged into an argument with him about this ridiculousness? You are bringing up facts and calories counts etc to defend yourself when all you really need to say is "Fuck off, I'll eat what I want." Don't let him drag you into his madness!

ArrrMeHearties · 15/06/2021 12:56

Id tell him where to go... Permanently. Eat what you want and when you want

inappropriateraspberry · 15/06/2021 12:59

So he drinks too much and eats too little. He has some serious problems. Are you up to dealing with this long term? Whether that's getting him help or just living with it. If not, leave now.