Iv been shamed online for being a shouty mum

[WaitroseAldi]

I’m so upset.

So I’m a shouty mum, always have been and my children are absolutely fine. They are 13,11 and 5.

I don’t always shout, but it’s when Iv asked numerous times to do something or not.

There is a woman who lives behind me, she has bipolar and switches all the time, one min she’s your friend next she’s horrible.

I put a post on a local group about my cat being attacked and coming home with a cut ear. She started being rude about how cats fight and it’s nature. She then put this.

I’m so embarrassed and upset. We have had to listen to her numerous times fighting with her ex’s, police being called, her having fights with another local woman.

Im so upset and ashamed. 😔 my kids say I don’t shout much, especially since Iv started new medication over a year ago for my BPD.

One time me and dh were having a heated discussion lol and she actually walked in my house to see what was wrong. we Never argue but wtf.

Just put a comment on calling her out on her own behaviour. It's not right that she should sit in judgement like that when she's just as bad if not worse. And you might want to mention that you're only raising your voice to tell off your children though you have heard others shouting too. Don't take the full blame here

*every

Thank you to those decent PP.

It’s well known that this woman as well suffers with Mh issues. She drinks abit too much, which results in her staying in bed all day and her DC looking after her.

This is the reason I’m upset i think. I saw her as a friend when she messaged me over the years asking for help, or when Iv took her kids in while the police arrive after the fights.

Maybe she should walk her dogs that are constantly bloody barking in the garden instead.

I’m sorry but that’s appalling! Your kids says you only shout a little bit, of course they will say that, there not going to say “well actually mum it’s embarrassing and you just don’t bloody stop” are they.

We grew up with a shouty mum, it’s shit. In the end we totally tuned her out, that’s how bad it was. When we got older we never wanted to go out in public with her too as she would do it out at shops. So embarrassing!

I can see into her kitchen, she’s not exactly miles away.

You’ve only posted to get people to say poor you and back you up but you’re ignoring everyone else, what’s the point?

I’m here for the epic drip feed

You’re a shouty mum so sort it out.

@LoopTheLoops - their teachers shout at them? I would be really unhappy if that happened at my DD"s school. I have shouted on the odd occasion but I always apologise for it afterwards.

OP, when you say you have BPD, do you mean you are diagnosed as bipolar?

No, I have borderline personality disorder.

@LoopTheLoops

Even my kids say their teachers shout but everyone on MN is perfect 🙄

Depends on their school and age, the one time DS came home complaining of a teaching shouting that teacher was gone within the month. The teacher had completely lost control and the shouting was the start of the capabilities process for them. My child was just KS2 at that point and definitely did not report that teachers were shouty prior to that.

As a teacher in secondary level, there are some ‘shouty’ teachers.

@WeIcomeToGilead

I’m here for the epic drip feed

You’re a shouty mum so sort it out.

She is x10 of the mum from Malcolm in the Middle

@WaitroseAldi

I’m so upset because for years we listened to her and her ex husband arguing snd fighting, her kids used to run out the house screaming and come and ask for help from neighbours. Then when they broke up she got a new fella and the same happened again. Yet I shout to tell my kids to stop arguing lol and I’m a shit mum?!

Why didn’t you just reply (even inside your own head) “ha! Well you’d know all about that of course, with all your carry on” or whatever.

@WaitroseAldi

Because obviously I do shout, like to get their shoes on when needed. But I don’t scream, not anymore anyway! Not for a long time since I started medication for my BPD.

Shouting is appropriate for things like “stop climbing on x” if they’re about to injure themselves. It’s not appropriate for everyday things like asking them to get their shoes on. If you’re resorting to shouting for something like that, you need to look into parenting classes and/or parenting help books. It’s not a nice environment for a child to grow up in.

Get them to take the posts down and forget about it (other than maybe making a mental note to keep an eye on your shouting).

Glad you have meds that are working, and hope the therapy comes up for you soon. It sounds like quite a difficult neighbourhood to live in so I imagine the most important thing is to keep the peace and keep your distance with this woman. (Also - is it worth you checking in on your shouty neighbour with the 4 year old to see if she is ok/needs any support).

Thank you to those decent PP.
You're very good OP.
If you mean decent for their agreement.
Like a pp said what goes in the ears comes out their mouth with DC.
You're making excuses instead be honest with yourself, you're DC are living it.
Raising your voice and roaring are very different.
My Dad is a shouty dick we still don't like him from childhood.

[quote GingerScallop]@NumberTheory what helped you change?[/quote]
There was no one thing. Once I realised I needed to change I just kept reminding myself. Apologising, going over what had happened and taking a different tack in my head so I could imagine a different way of handling things. I tried copying a few things other parents did. I stopped caring about some things. I tried to recognise when I was particularly tired and have a slow day. And I made my DH help more with some of the things where it just seemed impossible to get the two of them on the same page at the same time (like clothes shopping), which was definitely a trigger for me. But it took a fair amount of time.

I wouldn't respond - you'll end up with a tit for tat.
Just completely avoid/ignore her.
If all doors are open no wonder people hear you shout.
Have a talk with DCs and tell them you are definitely going to stop shouting now because whatever reason. They might behave better if they know you are trying. Do they realise you are on medication.
I would explain the situation to them - so they are on your side and understand how some things are hard for you. Better that than just having a mum that shouts.

By Christ you took a screenshot immediately 👍🏻 Good work, shouty.

OP read your own posts on your neighbours lifestyle, her cat, her dog, her mh, her drinking, her fighting with ex, her staying in bed late, excuses and blame.
Maybe you shouting is a problem too.