Iv been shamed online for being a shouty mum

[WaitroseAldi]

I’m so upset.

So I’m a shouty mum, always have been and my children are absolutely fine. They are 13,11 and 5.

I don’t always shout, but it’s when Iv asked numerous times to do something or not.

There is a woman who lives behind me, she has bipolar and switches all the time, one min she’s your friend next she’s horrible.

I put a post on a local group about my cat being attacked and coming home with a cut ear. She started being rude about how cats fight and it’s nature. She then put this.

I’m so embarrassed and upset. We have had to listen to her numerous times fighting with her ex’s, police being called, her having fights with another local woman.

Im so upset and ashamed. 😔 my kids say I don’t shout much, especially since Iv started new medication over a year ago for my BPD.

One time me and dh were having a heated discussion lol and she actually walked in my house to see what was wrong. we Never argue but wtf.

[thedancingbear]

Stop shouting at your kids.

'Trying' is not good enough. Just stop doing it.

If people can hear you in neighbouring properties, then that's pretty bad.

[pollylocketpickedapocket]

@ClarisseMcClellan

I don't quite understand but if you're shouting at your children so loudly that people are posting about it on Facebook I'd say there's an issue

I'd hate to hear you shouting at the poor children all the time, what kind of upbringing is that for them?

Who says it’s all the time??? Only on Mumsnet is shouting this big thing, normal people shout at their kids, kids can be a bloody nightmare at times, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t lose their cool with them!

[CanICelebrate]

I’m fairly shouty although not sweary/ aggressive. My dc don’t listen and I shout to get their attention or to get them to do things that need doing (like leave the house on time!) it’s effective and when we all need to leave the house on time with a herd of teenage boys, being a bit shouty works!
There are different types of shouting and aggressive threatening shouting is obviously not good but MN is a terrible place for shaming any mum who isn’t permanently calm, measured and pretty much perfect.

[Jellybabiesforbreakfast]

Two entirely separate issues.

Of course male cats should be neutered.

Maybe you need to think about how much you shout as a parent.

I'd reply, "Regardless of how much I shout, as a responsible pet owner you need to neuter your cat. As a separate issue, if noise from our house is disturbing you at any point, please let me know and I'll make sure we keep it down".

[WaitroseAldi]

I had a lightbulb moment this morning.

As I said I rarely shout anymore, unless I’m majorly pushed.

But my NDN shouts a lot at their 4 yo. Like a lot. And the child shouts back. I can hear everything through our -thin- walls.

I wonder if she thinks that’s me?!

[pollylocketpickedapocket]

@EmeraldShamrock

It isn't great I know a few shouty parents and it amazes me how it doesn't seem to bother their DC, My 2 are soft they'd be devastated if I start roaring.
However there is one particular family they act all high and mighty snotty he works in a bank, they are disgusting the way they ROAR at the 3 little girls at bedtime, the Dc must be so confused by their day time Disney parenting.
I give her the evil eye.
I have raised my voice when I mean business.

Perhaps you should give them some bedtime advice, you’re obviously marvellous at it????

[pollylocketpickedapocket]

@CanICelebrate

I’m fairly shouty although not sweary/ aggressive. My dc don’t listen and I shout to get their attention or to get them to do things that need doing (like leave the house on time!) it’s effective and when we all need to leave the house on time with a herd of teenage boys, being a bit shouty works!
There are different types of shouting and aggressive threatening shouting is obviously not good but MN is a terrible place for shaming any mum who isn’t permanently calm, measured and pretty much perfect.

In my life experience, the ones who claim to be so wonderful at parenting are very often pretty shit in real life!

[roobicoobi]

How did we get from 'I'm a shouty mum, always have been' to 'I rarely shout anymore'?

[HighlandCowbag]

Fuck sake. I tell my kids me shouting at them prepares them for real life. The OP is gobbing at her kids, not beating them senseless or starving them to death. No wonder the world is full if snowflakes if you can't shout at kids occasionally.

Ignore the PerfectParent brigade OP. Your neighbour is a knobber. You know this. If I didn't shout, ds would be in bed still when he needs to be getting ready for school, dd would like a pigsty of a bedroom and the dog would be climbing in the kitchen table and robbing the fruit bowl. Most families are the same. Except on mn, but am sure that their dcs will survive the real world especially when they get to uni or get part time jobs in the service industry.

[WaitroseAldi]

Because obviously I do shout, like to get their shoes on when needed. But I don’t scream, not anymore anyway! Not for a long time since I started medication for my BPD.

[ForgedInFire]

It was nasty of her to bring up your parenting publicly when that wasn't the issue being discussed.
My mum was very "shouty" I can't say it has caused my any harm... she was also very loving and affectionate.

[Daffodil123456]

@WaitroseAldi

Because obviously I do shout, like to get their shoes on when needed. But I don’t scream, not anymore anyway! Not for a long time since I started medication for my BPD.

I imagine that your version of shouting is different to other people version of shouting

I suggest stop being insulted and offended and have a true reflect on yourself and your behaviour

[roobicoobi]

Fuck sake. I tell my kids me shouting at them prepares them for real life.

Preparing them for real life? Sure, if you want to set their bar so low that being shouted at is the norm

[mikadolado]

When we moved into our house, my husband introduced himself to a man 2 doors down. The man said 'I already know your name, I have heard your wife shouting you often enough... I do have a really loud voice though, I wish I didn't!

[PandasCatsWolves]

@WaitroseAldi

Because obviously I do shout, like to get their shoes on when needed. But I don’t scream, not anymore anyway! Not for a long time since I started medication for my BPD.

BPD as in borderline PD is very complex and very difficult to treat. I can totally see why it makes tempers difficult to manage.

Medication though is unlikely to lead to behaviour changes quickly in the patient eg stopping shouting.

If you said you'd been doing DBT and had a better control over your temper it would be more believable tbh.

This thread is nuts

[AlternativePerspective]

Anyone who claims they have never shouted at their kids is lying. Either that, or they’re raising a generation of spoilt over-entitled brats who will never make it in the real world.

As for (if your neighbours can hear you it’s too loud,) I live in a terraced house, and I can hear my neighbours whispering in their back garden. Contrary to popular belief, not everyone lives far enough away from their neighbours that they can live in blissful harmony oblivious to everything that goes on next door.

And these local Facebook groups are, as a whole, full of awful people who are just out to bitch and moan at everything, each other, the world in general, and play competitive “who can be the most bitchy.” In essence, they’re a bit like aibu but a million times worse. Give it a few more years though and I suspect aibu will have caught up.

[sortingout]

@Catra

I'm the neighbour who lives next door to "shouty mum". I told her face to face it was vile to listen to. I don't want my daughter growing up thinking it's acceptable to shout at people in frustration.

But you do want your daughter to grow up thinking it is ok to shame people and call them vile?

[CanICelebrate]

I’ve just loudly shouted at mine to get out of bed! The first 3 times I asked them I wasn’t shouting at all (the first couple of times were in a jolly Mary Poppins voice) but the lazy sods just wouldn’t get up so I roared like Horrid Henry’s mum. Not ideal but effective!
The window was open and my neighbours may potentially have heard but they are now (reluctantly) up and we may even get out of the house on time.
As I said earlier, shouty doesn’t always mean aggressive and MN is full of Mary Poppins mummies that don’t have multiple teenagers

[CanICelebrate]

@Catra that’s an awful thing to do. I bet you’re really pleased with yourself too

[sortingout]

@thedancingbear

Stop shouting at your kids.

'Trying' is not good enough. Just stop doing it.

If people can hear you in neighbouring properties, then that's pretty bad.

I can hear my next door neighbour snore. I can hear them talk in normal voices. Upstairs it is clear enough that I can make out the actual words.

Many of us live in houses with crap sound insulation.

[HighlandCowbag]

@roobicoobi

Fuck sake. I tell my kids me shouting at them prepares them for real life.

Preparing them for real life? Sure, if you want to set their bar so low that being shouted at is the norm

Yes because unfortunately life is full of shouty people. I can't wrap them in bubble wrap forever. They may get shouted at by their classmates, friends, teachers, bosses, customers, colleagues, even partners. Dd has a part time retail job, she gets chuntered at almost every shift by customers. World is full of them, they walk amongst us.

Giving your dcs resilience is part of our job as parents. It's not setting being shouted at as the norm, it's understanding that people shout and also, if you fuck about playing on your switch when you should be getting ready for school, you are going to get shouted at. If you leave your shoes in the hallway and I fall over them, you are probably gonna get shouted at.

I've stopped beating them though, so that's one thing.

[AnnaBegins]

Why not just post back, "that's interesting you should say that, whilst it's clearly not true I'm surprised you'd have a problem with shouting given what we've had to put up with over the years from you. Turning comments off now as this was to raise awareness of cats fighting."

[roobicoobi]

Anyone who claims they have never shouted at their kids is lying. Either that, or they’re raising a generation of spoilt over-entitled brats who will never make it in the real world.

I have definitely shouted. It isn't the norm though.

None of mine are over entitled. One had already 'made it' in the real world. Another dropped out of high school last year but is going to uni in September so is on the right path. The youngers I'm not too sure about, but hopeful all the same.

It's bizarre to say we are either shouting or easing brats. There is a lot in between both ends of that.

[WaitroseAldi]

Huh? Iv been on medication for over a year so it’s pretty much in my system and seeing a psychiatrist. The waiting list for therapy is 18 months.. I’m on 200mg lamotrigine,

[roobicoobi]

@HighlandCowbag

Resilience has quickly become parenting excuse of the century. Still, if it gives an excuse to those who need it...