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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Iv been shamed online for being a shouty mum

274 replies

WaitroseAldi · 14/06/2021 22:26

I’m so upset.

So I’m a shouty mum, always have been and my children are absolutely fine. They are 13,11 and 5.

I don’t always shout, but it’s when Iv asked numerous times to do something or not.

There is a woman who lives behind me, she has bipolar and switches all the time, one min she’s your friend next she’s horrible.

I put a post on a local group about my cat being attacked and coming home with a cut ear. She started being rude about how cats fight and it’s nature. She then put this.

I’m so embarrassed and upset. We have had to listen to her numerous times fighting with her ex’s, police being called, her having fights with another local woman.

Im so upset and ashamed. 😔 my kids say I don’t shout much, especially since Iv started new medication over a year ago for my BPD.

One time me and dh were having a heated discussion lol and she actually walked in my house to see what was wrong. we Never argue but wtf.

Iv been shamed online for being a shouty mum
OP posts:
Coldwine75 · 14/06/2021 22:38

Also dont say 'stop bloody arguing' as that is encouraging swearing............

CharlotteRose90 · 14/06/2021 22:38

I can hear my next door neighbour shouting at her kids all the time trust me it’s not nice to hear. Clearly she shouldn’t of brought it up the way she did but now you know you fan work on it. There’s other ways to communicate rather then shouting.

UnChatNoir · 14/06/2021 22:40

Ignore her though i'd be tempted to comment back about her gobshite tendencies

Coldwine75 · 14/06/2021 22:40

Yep, talk to your kids, explain , please learn a lesson from this................

U2HasTheEdge · 14/06/2021 22:41

Stop being a 'shouty mum'.

Her behaviour doesn't change the fact that you are shouting at your children loudly. If you are posting there to apologise then you clearly know you have a problem.

bloodyhell19 · 14/06/2021 22:41

Sorry OP but if you're shouting regularly and loudly enough for neighbours to know it's you, then you probably do need to check yourself.

I'm not quite sure what the woman's mental health condition or past relationship has to do with it either; it doesn't really discredit her statement about you being shouty tbh. They're separate issues. If you're complaining about a tom cat that is affecting the wellbeing of your cat/other cats on your estate, I think it's also fair game that others can complain about intrusive shouting.

She also says in her comment that you apologise on the group for screaming at your kids - is that true? Are you inadvertently adding fuel to that fire by making light/highlighting it on a public group?

PasstheBucket89 · 14/06/2021 22:41

I’m so embarrassed and upset. We have had to listen to her numerous times fighting with her ex’s, police being called, her having fights with another local woman,

Id respond with this!!! this is not the time for the high road.

MediocrePenguin · 14/06/2021 22:43

I can't believe so many people don't seem to ever shout at their kids.
Yes it's not great, but it's very difficult at times to keep calm when you've asked them 267 times to get their shoes on and they are still rolling around on the floor fighting.
When it's summer and the doors are open I hear lots of little minor domestic tiffs (arguing about the bins, dinner or the dishwasher etc) and if anything I like them as they remind me we are all normal!

GreyhoundG1rl · 14/06/2021 22:44

@PasstheBucket89

I’m so embarrassed and upset. We have had to listen to her numerous times fighting with her ex’s, police being called, her having fights with another local woman,

Id respond with this!!! this is not the time for the high road.

It's irrelevant, if op is shouting at her kids Confused. She doesn't have the moral high ground.
U2HasTheEdge · 14/06/2021 22:44

@MediocrePenguin

I can't believe so many people don't seem to ever shout at their kids. Yes it's not great, but it's very difficult at times to keep calm when you've asked them 267 times to get their shoes on and they are still rolling around on the floor fighting. When it's summer and the doors are open I hear lots of little minor domestic tiffs (arguing about the bins, dinner or the dishwasher etc) and if anything I like them as they remind me we are all normal!
I don't think anyone has said that they have never shouted.

If it is often enough that someone has complained and you are posting on FB to apologise for it, you might have a problem.

Ellpellwood · 14/06/2021 22:46

If you must shout, don't pepper it with "bloody". It makes it sound like you've completely lost your temper.

MediocrePenguin · 14/06/2021 22:46

@U2HasTheEdge er just one person who sounds clearly quite unhinged!
She hasn't conducted a neighbourhood survey.

LoopTheLoops · 14/06/2021 22:46

I think only on MN do people never shout at their kids and call it abuse if anyone does, I have 4 and if I didn’t shout they would never listen!

LoopTheLoops · 14/06/2021 22:47

Even my kids say their teachers shout but everyone on MN is perfect 🙄

CommanderBurnham · 14/06/2021 22:50

I might be tempted to write something along the lines of 'well if we are going to start shaming on the internet, I've got a few nuggets about you and yours...........'

And then delete and block.

BigPyjamas · 14/06/2021 22:52

@LoopTheLoops

I think only on MN do people never shout at their kids and call it abuse if anyone does, I have 4 and if I didn’t shout they would never listen!
I don't think anyone has called it abuse.

And I don't think anyone has said that they don't shout. Realistically I suspect 90% of us do shout.

But, I think if I

PixieDust28 · 14/06/2021 22:52

DS is 23 months. I was preparing dinner and he was behind me in the kitchen. I turned round and he was climbing up the washing machine to get to the side. I think he is secretly spider baby.

Anyway. I raised my voice and said it stern 'get down off that, now!' My neighbours were in their garden and I was a bit Blush.

I don't like shouty parents though. I get if you've told them x amount of times and it's a one off but I couldn't stand to hear it all the time.

She was out of order for putting it on Facebook though. She could've messaged you.

Carrotinsaladiswrong · 14/06/2021 22:52

If you’re the author of the post you can delete it if you’re that embarassed, but listen, we’ve all lost our tempers and we’ve all shouted now and again, don’t let it eat you alive.

BigPyjamas · 14/06/2021 22:54

I think if you're shouting so loudly neighbours can hear, and feel the need to comment, that might potentially be something worth reconsidering

Original poster
WaitroseAldi · 14/06/2021 22:55

I can say hand on heart that I rarely shout now, it really takes something to lose my temper and have to step away or shout. Which is why I’m so shocked and upset tbh because I have worked hard with my psychiatrist and the medication I’m on to try and be a better person/mum.

OP posts:
shas19 · 14/06/2021 22:57

Apparently nobody shouts on MN? Find ut gsrd to believe. Also, i think my kids have cloth in their ears as how many times is it humanly possible to ask your child to stop doing something etc and get ignored and not want to combust

MediocrePenguin · 14/06/2021 22:57

She sounds like she's trying to pick a fight OP. God knows why. You sound very lovely and normal - don't beat yourself up!
It's the mums who don't even worry or consider that they are shouting who are the ones with the problem Daffodil

daseychain · 14/06/2021 22:57

I'm puzzled by her saying you post about your kids and shouting on Facebook, do you? Why?

BluebellsGreenbells · 14/06/2021 22:58

I’m so upset because for years we listened to her and her ex husband arguing snd fighting,

Doesn’t make you better because they are worse!

That said it’s good that you recognize the issue and are working in it.

*for the record teachers generally shout over the class being noisy - not AT children

GreyhoundG1rl · 14/06/2021 22:58

Well, that's confusing. You've admitted to shouting, but now claim you haven't actually shouted for over a year?