Iv been shamed online for being a shouty mum

[WaitroseAldi]

I’m so upset.

So I’m a shouty mum, always have been and my children are absolutely fine. They are 13,11 and 5.

I don’t always shout, but it’s when Iv asked numerous times to do something or not.

There is a woman who lives behind me, she has bipolar and switches all the time, one min she’s your friend next she’s horrible.

I put a post on a local group about my cat being attacked and coming home with a cut ear. She started being rude about how cats fight and it’s nature. She then put this.

I’m so embarrassed and upset. We have had to listen to her numerous times fighting with her ex’s, police being called, her having fights with another local woman.

Im so upset and ashamed. 😔 my kids say I don’t shout much, especially since Iv started new medication over a year ago for my BPD.

One time me and dh were having a heated discussion lol and she actually walked in my house to see what was wrong. we Never argue but wtf.

[ChangePart1]

@UnChatNoir

Don't be disheartened if you have problems to deal with down the line as a result of the verbal abuse, you might need some professional support for the kids as well as for you

Good grief ...

Look at the ages of OP's kids and how recently she says she has reduced the amount she shouts.

Being shouted at regularly makes children more aggressive, it can make their behaviour in general worse. It can change the way their brain develops. It can lead to depression and anxiety disorders and even leaves them more susceptible to some physical health issues as adults.

It's an abuse of the power dynamic, you wouldn't yell at a friend your own size because they were doing something you didn't want them to do or not listening to you, because you'd be scared of the response or being walloped. People yell at their kids because they're smaller, more vulnerable, and can't fight back. And it absolutely can leave significant emotional scars. OP is receiving professional help for her problems, her children may well need the same.

Please, think about why you are trying to minimise this.

[Blancheduboiss]

@Lotusmonster

I know someone with BPD. They are not ‘shouty’ at all. Short periods of happiness followed by long patches of deep depression and dissociation. I guess everyone’s different but this does sound odd???

Irrelevant. BPD is different in everyone, and is most certainly can cause anger and outbursts.

Not excusing OP, but it's a very difficult condition (I have it) and the kicking she's getting here is a little much.

[ChangePart1]

@UnChatNoir

It's just ridiculously overdramatic and suggests that any parent on this thread, who has lost their temper before, has somehow scarred their child for life.

But of course, some people are just perfect parents on here aren't they

Who said that? Certainly not me. I'm not referring to anyone here but OP, who has openly stated she has a long history of shouting and screaming at her children, over a period of years.

[GreyhoundG1rl]

@UnChatNoir

It's just ridiculously overdramatic and suggests that any parent on this thread, who has lost their temper before, has somehow scarred their child for life.

But of course, some people are just perfect parents on here aren't they

You're being ridiculous with the "perfect parent" trope.
Op has admitted screaming at her kids until a year ago; being aghast at the sheer relentlessness of what the kids must have endured doesn't make anyone perfect or saintly. Just normal, really.

[ChangePart1]

@GreyhoundG1rl

It's a common tactic when someone feels uncomfortable and like defensive about their behaviours, to turn it onto the other person with an attack. In this case the meaning is clear 'you're not a perfect parent either!'

Well, I haven't seen anyone claim to be a perfect parent. There's no such thing really. So the intention behind that comment is pretty clear.

[GreyhoundG1rl]

Indeed.

[UnChatNoir]

[quote ChangePart1]@GreyhoundG1rl

It's a common tactic when someone feels uncomfortable and like defensive about their behaviours, to turn it onto the other person with an attack. In this case the meaning is clear 'you're not a perfect parent either!'

Well, I haven't seen anyone claim to be a perfect parent. There's no such thing really. So the intention behind that comment is pretty clear.[/quote]
If that's aimed at me, then I don't even have kids lmao, so no, not uncomfortable about anything 😂

[GreyhoundG1rl]

If that's aimed at me, then I don't even have kids lmao, so no, not uncomfortable about anything 😂
Well stop ballsing on about perfect parents then, if you've no idea what being a parent even entails! Ffs! 😂

[UnChatNoir]

Nice try though

[UnChatNoir]

@GreyhoundG1rl

If that's aimed at me, then I don't even have kids lmao, so no, not uncomfortable about anything 😂
Well stop ballsing on about perfect parents then, if you've no idea what being a parent even entails! Ffs! 😂

You don't need to be a parent to think someone is being piled on a tad too much. 😘.

[UnChatNoir]

Personally, I think think it's slightly overboard to tell someone with BPD, who is trying to stabilise themselves, that they could well be reported to SS, and that their children may need professional support, is a bit much and could easily lead to a negative spiral.

She knows she's messed up, and is embarrassed, but is trying to amend this.

[WhatMattersMost]

@WaitroseAldi

Thank you to those decent PP.

It’s well known that this woman as well suffers with Mh issues. She drinks abit too much, which results in her staying in bed all day and her DC looking after her.

This is the reason I’m upset i think. I saw her as a friend when she messaged me over the years asking for help, or when Iv took her kids in while the police arrive after the fights.

Maybe she should walk her dogs that are constantly bloody barking in the garden instead.

Your neighbour is almost certainly projecting her own unresolved issues on to you, @WaitroseAldi, because she is accusing you of the very things she did and continues to do. You don't have to get sucked in. This is her drama, not yours. The more you react, the more she'll be reinforced. Projections fail when the recipient is no longer an effective screen.

[DrSbaitso]

I've been told my whole life that I'm fine with spending my childhood and adolescence being screamed and shouted at. I'm really not.

[TurquoiseLemur]

@UnChatNoir

Don't be disheartened if you have problems to deal with down the line as a result of the verbal abuse, you might need some professional support for the kids as well as for you

Good grief ...

Being subjected to frequent shouting damages people's mental health. Esp the mental health of children and anyone else who for whatever reason can't get away from it. It's upsetting, frightening, and it erodes basic confidence. (How many people commenting here would be okay with being frequently shouted at in their workplace? Especially if the shouter is in a superior position to the shoutee?)

As the adult child of someone who had a personality disorder, I can say that I have met NO-ONE who ticks that box who has not had mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. Parents with personality disorders do a lot of damage. That's probably not PC but it's the truth.

[TurquoiseLemur]

@UnChatNoir

Personally, I think think it's slightly overboard to tell someone with BPD, who is trying to stabilise themselves, that they could well be reported to SS, and that their children may need professional support, is a bit much and could easily lead to a negative spiral.

She knows she's messed up, and is embarrassed, but is trying to amend this.

I imagine the kids who are being shouted at habitually would be delighted to get some professional support. Negative spiral for whom?

This isn't just about the OP.

[DrSbaitso]

As the adult child of someone who had a personality disorder, I can say that I have met NO-ONE who ticks that box who has not had mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. Parents with personality disorders do a lot of damage. That's probably not PC but it's the truth.

That's my experience too.

[TurquoiseLemur]

@DrSbaitso

As the adult child of someone who had a personality disorder, I can say that I have met NO-ONE who ticks that box who has not had mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. Parents with personality disorders do a lot of damage. That's probably not PC but it's the truth.

That's my experience too.

A lot of people on this thread really don't know what a personality disorder is. It's way more than a bit of occasional shouting or someone having a difficult patch due to redundancy/bereavement, etc. As you and I and no doubt some others here know. It's a deep-rooted and highly damaged (as well as damaging) mental health problem that wreaks havoc.

Take care.

[DrSbaitso]

Thank you, @TurquoiseLemur, and you too.

[Lotusmonster]

OP I hope you can continue to seek support for your anger outbursts and shouting. It’s a bit ignorant to say my kids are “fine”. BPD has a biological / genetic disposition as well as environmental influences ....these are often not apparent in kids until late teens and early adulthood. I think you’ve been given a hard time on this thread. A lot of people don’t understand this disorder and it has a huge stigma attached to it. Few people know that for many it’s transitional and that with the right therapy people can be reassessed and no longer meet the BPD criteria. There’s also strong evidence that the impulsivity certainly wanes with age. Good luck! Try not to be disheartened and keep trying for yourself and your kids.

[WaitroseAldi]

I am FUMING.

My youngest daughter (4) suffers with nose bleeds. They freak her out and they are mostly when she’s asleep.

She just had the biggest one she’s had, like it was literally pouring out. She was crying and panicking while I was holding her nose trying to get it to stop, covering us both in blood.

NDN turned up while I was upstairs and my husband answered. She said she could hear dd screaming and came running over. My husband said she absolutely stank of Booze and normally he doesn’t smell very well. Iv had to take pictures so I’m not accused of abusing my child!

[GreyhoundG1rl]

Oh, ffs, op! Get a hold of yourself

[GreyhoundG1rl]

Please don't post that on any WhatsApp group...

[WalkersAreNotTheOnlyCrisps]

Please don't post that on any WhatsApp group...

This. Really don’t.

[ChangePart1]

OP, pull yourself together. Unbelievable.

[SecondCityShark]

She sounds infuriating. She needs to be told firmly to stay out of your business OP. Don't threaten or shout, just tell her that she is not to approach your property or to walk into your house from this moment on.