Colleague altering his parts

[changingnameforthis1234]

I have a fairly new work colleague. It's a small office and we are allowed a maximum of two at a time in there due to Covid and also wear masks as we can't really keep 2 metres apart. There are often three on duty for an hour in the middle of the day and then one of us takes a break outside.
My AIBU is that every single time I'm alone with this male colleague which isn't that often, he spreads his legs and sort of alters his bits. It's hard not to be aware and im finding it uncomfortable.
The organisation is very tough on any sort of behaviour that could cause offence. Problem is I really really don't know if this is just a habit he has or if he does it in front of any male colleague.
If I mention it to another colleague and ask it's very likely they would report it to the manager.
I'm really not sure if this is being done to intimidate, is habit, or he's just a skank. He's a male in his 40's. I'm older and female. He seems ok in other ways , certainly not objectionable in any other way
So AIBU to just continue to ignore?
Btw I've name changed and do promise I'm not trolling

It's bothering you so yes YABU to ignore
If you want to be totally professional I'd just tell him you've noticed and you don't like it, could he do it in private? Make a note then escalate if he continues

"Stop wobbling your dick about Dave. It makes you look ridiculous and a bit of a creepy fucker. Thanks very much"

"Leave your bits alone will you, you're not working from home"

I'd feel that if it's repeated that often I could be free to be very blunt - "Have you got scrotal rot or something Dave? Either leave the plums alone or book a GP appt!"

‘Can you do that somewhere else please?’

That body habit of yours isn't appropriate for this office / company.

“Oh, jeez - could you wait til you’re alone for adjustments please?!” Said with a smile. If he continues after that, report report report.

If you feel able to speak to him about it and that's the way you'd prefer to deal with it, then do so, if not I'd report it.

If he's not 'aware' he's doing it, which I doubt, then it needs to be drawn to his attention that he needs to stop.

If on the other hand he's doing to make you uncomfortable and intimidate you then it needs to be dealt with and he needs to be out of the company.

I find it really hard to imagine that anyone doing something like that doesn't realise he's doing it, and that it's completely inappropriate.

Firstly, I'd make a note of how many times a day he did it in my presence, obviously any more than zero isn't acceptable, but there's a difference between twice a day and 50 always at it times. If you have to escalate it to HR, they are going to want to know if it's occasional or constant.

Then I'd tell him it wasn't acceptable, with a Paddington Stare and 'Do you MIND?' now go and wash your hands comment to see if it had any effect.

If not, then I'd take it to HR.

Is it because his trousers are to tight/too small?

Could you report it anonymously for someone else to tell him to stop. You can be clear that you don't know whether it's deliberate, but that you find it uncomfortable anyway. Then you don't have the embarrassment of having to tell him, and he will only know it was you if he's doing it deliberately (and not in front of others).

I only meet up with him for an hour or so maybe one a week or once every two weeks
So it's not too often. However his behaviour is consistent ( in front of me anyway) and I know the minute I see him he will do this re arranging. I usually then make an excuse to go and find something to do to get out of the office.
I just so wish I could ask another colleague if he does it in their presence too.
I really don't know him well at all and the environment is usually very anti harassment , anti sexism etc.
I would love to feel confident to tell him to stop groping his bits but I really don't. I just don't feel I know him well enough to remark about his penis / scrotum. It's a very professional environment.
I also know this is a married man with kids and would bloody hate to cause his reputation to be tainted if his trousers are just too tight
I really appreciate people responding. I'm usually assertive enough but this has me flummoxed. I've got brothers and a son and father and know they would be devastated to be called out on this sort of thing.
However they wouldn't mess around in their general crotch area in public

You are entirely justified in stopping this firmly and immediately. If you don’t feel comfortable speaking to him, then report it or ask that you’re not left alone with him and why.

Would he do this in front of a customer or a manager? I’m sure he wouldn’t.

I also know this is a married man with kids and would bloody hate to cause his reputation to be tainted if his trousers are just too tight

He’s a grown up and he should be able to take responsibility for himself. If his trousers are too tight, he can go and buy some more. If he knows he’s got a lot to lose - being a “married man” is not a protected characteristic, either way - then he should leave his tackle alone while he’s in polite company.

Yes I would be blunt, can you leave adjustment till you are not in my presence please, it could be misconstrued if you are not careful

"I just so wish I could ask another colleague if he does it in their presence too."

So it is acceptable if he does it to more than one person?

What job are you doing that's so professional yet you can't bring yourself to tell him "please stop that".

Give him one chance . .

By email, send him a message that says

" Please stop your habit of handling your private parts in public in our office. It's embarrassing and intimidatiing. I hope that's all that needs to be said."

     That draws a line in the sand;  he's been given fair warning  he needs to stop. . If he carries on, then its deliberate and you make it a formal complaint to management.

      Do it by email  A) because  it's less embarrassing than talking to him about it; and  

B ) if he doesn't stop the email is evidence you can show to HR that he knows the groin groping makes you very uncomfortable.

An email is actually a really good idea
For the poster who asked about what sort of job it is
It's not a high flying job at all. It's just that the organisation is highly professional and 'proper'. We don't do banter as I've done in previous jobs. I think because it's quite male orientated it's to prevent anything being misconstrued. It's actually a really comfortable although boring place to work usually and, unlike previous jobs, I rarely come home and think I've had such a good laugh today

Probably not helpful, but I used to be friends with someone who did this. He was a manager at a TKMax, the second or third time I saw him do it (he was at work on this occasion and I'd popped in to say hi) i pointed it out.

I said something like, why do you keep adjusting your crotch?

He said nobody had ever pointed to this out to him which seems odd to me, so he had been doing this presumably at work as well and no one has ever said anything

Maybe your colleague is just a bit gross and doesn't quite realise he's doing it

I find it very odd and very telling that you already KNOW that he’s going to do this in front of you, each time you meet with him.
I don’t want to put any ideas in your head but the way you describe it makes me think that you subconsciously know/feel he’s doing it on purpose and you’re afraid to make a fuss about it because as you mentioned a few times, your workplace is tough on any kind of sexual harassment and what if you’re wrong.

In that case, I would tell him ONCE that this kind of behavior in your presence makes you feel very uncomfortable and you wish him to stop doing this. Any half decent man that wasn’t doing it on purpose will feel utterly embarrassed and definitely won’t be doing it again. If he doesn’t change his behavior after your warning, report it including all the previous times and mention that you have asked him to stop.

If you are uncomfortable saying anything to him, could you try this?

'Dave' starts his adjustments
You: Do you need a bit of privacy Dave ? While looking pointedly at what he is doing

Dave will either be mortified and stop it or he is a dick who doesn't care about how uncomfortable his actions make you and therefore, you should have no issue reporting him formally when he continues.

We had someone like this in our office, we used to say he was stocktaking !

Maybe your colleague is just a bit gross and doesn't quite realise he's doing it
Exactly.
If it was a male friend I'd have no problem addressing it. If it was my son or GS I'd just tell them to leave it alone
If it was my DF I'd have rather more of a problem as I would if it was my line manager
Sounds pathetic but sadly true

• I find it very odd and very telling that you already KNOW that he’s going to do this in front of you, each time you meet with him. I don’t want to put any ideas in your head but the way you describe it makes me think that you subconsciously know/feel he’s doing it on purpose and you’re afraid to make a fuss about it because as you mentioned a few times, your workplace is tough on any kind of sexual harassment and what if you’re wrong.*

Yes it's true. I know that the minute I'm with him in th eoffice he will do this altering.
In some ways I wish he could make it more obvious, it's not like he shoves his hands down his trousers or anything.
I'm left felling uncomfortable and doubting myself.

Sorry name change fail below