Colleague altering his parts

[changingnameforthis1234]

I have a fairly new work colleague. It's a small office and we are allowed a maximum of two at a time in there due to Covid and also wear masks as we can't really keep 2 metres apart. There are often three on duty for an hour in the middle of the day and then one of us takes a break outside.
My AIBU is that every single time I'm alone with this male colleague which isn't that often, he spreads his legs and sort of alters his bits. It's hard not to be aware and im finding it uncomfortable.
The organisation is very tough on any sort of behaviour that could cause offence. Problem is I really really don't know if this is just a habit he has or if he does it in front of any male colleague.
If I mention it to another colleague and ask it's very likely they would report it to the manager.
I'm really not sure if this is being done to intimidate, is habit, or he's just a skank. He's a male in his 40's. I'm older and female. He seems ok in other ways , certainly not objectionable in any other way
So AIBU to just continue to ignore?
Btw I've name changed and do promise I'm not trolling

What about a ''polite'' anonymous note. Perhaps he has a skin condition?

That’s why you give him a warning OP.
As I said, any half decent man would be mortified if his female colleague told him how uncomfortable this kind of behavior makes her feel. He’s lucky that he’s even getting one from you because lots of women would have reported this to HR directly.

Maybe your colleague is just a bit gross and doesn't quite realise he's doing it

And I'm pretty sure that's exactly what he'd respond with if I challenged it.
I do believe your friend but it's actually hard to imagine a woman altering her knickers in public on a regular basis and not being aware that it could be offensive

Hey Dave, you know how I don’t scratch my genitals while meeting with you? Could you do me the same favour please, it’s just more professional.

Agree he might not have realised, but then again he might.

Meant to add you can challenge it without implying it’s deliberate or harassment. take a matter of fact approach.

I used to work with a guy who did this. He used to put his hands down his pants to adjust himself. Frequently. He then did not wash his hands. I was young and naive at the time so said nothing. Tried to persuade other men I worked with to speak to him but no one would.

I still don't know if he was doing it on purpose or was just fucking gross and oblivious.

I used to work with someone who did this. Even though I wanted to, I never said anything as he was my boss. He also used to pick his nose and it eat it at his desk . Awful.

This is grim

CANT you find out from a colleague if they’ve noticed the same thing?

Appreciate that you may not want to to avoid it appearing like gossiping.

A man at my former workplace had terrible body odour. And because he was hot he would sit with a fan on him, which just blasted the smell around 🤢 he was a nice chap otherwise. In that case I spoke in confidence with his line manager who was perfectly professional about it. And the chap did indeed smell fresher in future!

Do you know who his line manager is?

I'd go with 'What the hell are you doing?'

Do you know who his line manager is?
We have the same line manager. LM is very good on the whole but a bit wet and I'm cringing even thinking of discussing it with him. What if I'm wrong ? Well I'm not actually wrong as I know what I can see. But what if this colleague has just done this altering thing all his life. LM is actually rather timid and I think it would almost kill him to bring this up with colleague!
Then I'm second guessing and imagining colleague getting terribly upset and me getting accused of bullying or something
Wtf do men do this

You all sound a bit wet tbh.

It's a penis, half the population have one.

It's not appropriate to fiddle with that particular body part at work, hardly "bursting into tears", "die of embarrassment" territory is it?

Just tell him.

@changingnameforthis1234

Do you know who his line manager is? We have the same line manager. LM is very good on the whole but a bit wet and I'm cringing even thinking of discussing it with him. What if I'm wrong ? Well I'm not actually wrong as I know what I can see. But what if this colleague has just done this altering thing all his life. LM is actually rather timid and I think it would almost kill him to bring this up with colleague! Then I'm second guessing and imagining colleague getting terribly upset and me getting accused of bullying or something Wtf do men do this

It's really not your problem that your LM is timid and would die rather than having to bring this up. If that's actually true, they shouldn't be a LM at all.

It's your LM's responsibility to deal with this appropriately if you bring it to them. Let them worry about how they do it.

I would embroider this. Frame it. Hang it in office.

When your bits are in a tangle,
And you need to get in there and have a wrangle,
Please go out and have a ramble,
If not I'll stick them in a mangle.

I can't be the only one who clicked on this thread just to find out if it was a) sex change b) am-dram or c) leg-spreader (with interference).

@SummerHouse

You all sound a bit wet tbh.
You're right we do don't we?
I think we all tip toe around trying to cause as little distress as possible that anything out of the ordinary really makes waves
I actually feel quite ashamed of myself for not just getting on with it
This thread has been an eye opener into how Un assertive I've become since working at this job
Thanks to everyone

@denverRegina

You all sound a bit wet tbh.

It's a penis, half the population have one.

It's not appropriate to fiddle with that particular body part at work, hardly "bursting into tears", "die of embarrassment" territory is it?

Just tell him.

This.

Please tell him.

Be blunt if needs be. He's probably got a small penis and is sexually inadequate, or is wearing underwear for several days in a row.

If he does not change, then it becomes an HR matter.

@Summerhouse love it 😂

Tbh I would have just looked directly at him doing it and said are you alright over there?

I don't understand all this "offence" about how men behave!
He only wants attention- why waste your time getting het up about it?
Ignore, laugh at him - all this behaviour has always been there - it's up to others to ignore and laugh!

I think I'd use obvious facial expressions and a long pause to indicate my surprise / disgust at his apparent readiness to do this obviously in front of me.

If that didn't seem to register I would definitely say something.., probably something like a fairly contemptuous 'Is everything OK down there?'

If still no joy I would be very clear that I expected him to make any adjustments in private.

Oh for goodness sake no need for a discussion or anything. When he does it just say "do you mind?" and raise your eyebrows in a disapproving manner.

If you're that embarrassed pretend he's a schoolboy picking his nose.

If he says anything other than sorry just say "adjust yourself in private it isn't appropriate in the workplace".

If he isn't horribly embarrassed/apologetic and does it again then straight to HR.

Another who thinks you just need to tell him it's not appropriate - as soon as he starts say very clearly and matter of factly that he needs to make his adjustments in the bathroom as doing it in the office is not appropriate.

Just be direct without being rude. "Could you not do that in this office please?"
You have to address this.

@denverRegina

"I just so wish I could ask another colleague if he does it in their presence too."

So it is acceptable if he does it to more than one person?

What job are you doing that's so professional yet you can't bring yourself to tell him "please stop that".

Clearly not but then the OP might feel better than he isn't doing it to intimidate her.