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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleague altering his parts

184 replies

changingnameforthis1234 · 14/06/2021 12:45

I have a fairly new work colleague. It's a small office and we are allowed a maximum of two at a time in there due to Covid and also wear masks as we can't really keep 2 metres apart. There are often three on duty for an hour in the middle of the day and then one of us takes a break outside.
My AIBU is that every single time I'm alone with this male colleague which isn't that often, he spreads his legs and sort of alters his bits. It's hard not to be aware and im finding it uncomfortable.
The organisation is very tough on any sort of behaviour that could cause offence. Problem is I really really don't know if this is just a habit he has or if he does it in front of any male colleague.
If I mention it to another colleague and ask it's very likely they would report it to the manager.
I'm really not sure if this is being done to intimidate, is habit, or he's just a skank. He's a male in his 40's. I'm older and female. He seems ok in other ways , certainly not objectionable in any other way
So AIBU to just continue to ignore?
Btw I've name changed and do promise I'm not trolling

OP posts:
Jayinthetub · 14/06/2021 18:07

@denverRegina

"Stop wobbling your dick about Dave. It makes you look ridiculous and a bit of a creepy fucker. Thanks very much"
Have only just jumped on this thread but this almost made me wet myself Grin Love it!!
DameFanny · 14/06/2021 18:09

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe if that were the case, surely he'd be adjusting himself when there was the third person there - which OP has said he never does. That's not coincidental.

Egeegogxmv · 14/06/2021 18:15

📣'OI DAVE'
'GOT THAT ITCHING POWDER IN YOUR Y-FRONTS AGAIN MATE'
🤣🤣🤣

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 14/06/2021 18:19

@baroqueandblue

Wtf do men do this

I know why some men do - because it can be painful not to. Crotches can sometimes put pressure on testicles and it feels urgently uncomfortable. Adjusting sometimes involves trying to lift the scrotum clear of seams, through clothing. It isn't a sexual behaviour, it's to alleviate pain and discomfort. A similar discomfort can be caused if the head of the penis is caught between the trouser and an edge seam of underwear. Happens more often than you might imagine! And some men won't be aware that they're causing offence, because it's got nothing to do with arousal.

Make of my explanation what you will, but women may not realise that men can need to adjust that region for health reasons, not because they're trying to intimidate someone.

Do the men you know not go to the toilet to do this like a normal man? Do their mothers and teachers not tell them to stop doing it when they are boys?

Women manage to go and adjust their tights, knickers, pads, tampons and clothing rather than scratching their fannies in the office. Being stabbed by a broken underwire is generally rectified in the ladies' as well. All of these cause discomfort and pain, but aren't done in front of male colleagues (or anybody else for that matter).

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 14/06/2021 18:21

[quote DameFanny]@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe if that were the case, surely he'd be adjusting himself when there was the third person there - which OP has said he never does. That's not coincidental.[/quote]
I missed the third person, I thought it was just OP and 'Dave'?

CharityDingle · 14/06/2021 18:24

I would find it difficult to say something and I'm a long time around various workplaces, and consider myself assertive.
If he is doing it deliberately, OP, that would be especially horrible, and completely unacceptable.
I find it difficult to believe that it is something he does unconsciously.

I think I would be having a word with the line manager. And if he won't deal with the matter, onto Har.

CharityDingle · 14/06/2021 18:24

...onto HR.

JennieLee · 14/06/2021 18:25

In the words of the immortal Joyce Grenfell, 'George, don't do that.'

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 14/06/2021 18:25

NeverDropYourMoonCup, I think you have it there actually; women are condition to not make people uncomfortable with their behaviour. Men are generally not.

I have three brothers and their bodily behaviour growing up was not to be desired. I know that if I'd been as lax, I'd have been reprimanded and reminded that I was a girl... It's only just come to me reading your post.

Women 'be nice' might be a trite meme now but it's imprinted very early on indeed.

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 14/06/2021 18:26

The fact he does it as soon as the 3rd person leaves the room means either

A) he's a perv getting off on doing it in front of you and knowing you'll be too embarrassed to complain

Or b) he really needs to adjust himself for some reason and figures one person in the room is less likely to notice than two. Does he think he's being subtle?

Either way he's totally aware he's doing it, it's not absent minded. I'd just go with pp suggestions -say "oy! Can you do that in private!" Once you've acknowledged it, he can't pretend to think you haven't seen it.

Nicolastuffedone · 14/06/2021 18:28

Maybe he’s reassuring himself nothing has fallen off in the night. Either way, either give him a good hard stare or tell him it’s inappropriate.

blettedmedlar · 14/06/2021 18:30

I'd stare pointedly then ask him if he's got crabs, as he always seems to be scratching. But then I'm old and crabbit and once did loudly ask a customer if he'd got crabs because he fiddled with his dick so much...

LilMidge01 · 14/06/2021 18:30

@changingnameforthis1234

An email is actually a really good idea For the poster who asked about what sort of job it is It's not a high flying job at all. It's just that the organisation is highly professional and 'proper'. We don't do banter as I've done in previous jobs. I think because it's quite male orientated it's to prevent anything being misconstrued. It's actually a really comfortable although boring place to work usually and, unlike previous jobs, I rarely come home and think I've had such a good laugh today
You think it's a good idea to have an email on record in which you bring up the topic of his penis/ballack? If I received that, any unsolicited comments about my private areas, even if a complaint at my (potentially unintentional conducy) such as "your breasts are always on show", I would be the one going to HR!!!!
Majorfluff · 14/06/2021 18:36

A woman in my office has this nasty habit of pulling her pants out of her crack, very off putting.

LilMidge01 · 14/06/2021 18:36

Just on that last point, hisnis clearly a situation that has some nuance of tone to it, as you unsure if he is doing it on purpose or if he is genuinely just uncomfortable. An email does not convey nuance. You could very easily become the workplace sexual harasser if you get that tone wrong. This is the worst advice ever, please dont do it. Do not email someone unsolicited comments about their private parts, no matter how reasonable you believe yourself to be!!!! Just talk to them!!

1forAll74 · 14/06/2021 18:37

Do you know any other men in your life, as in family or friends, who might enlighten you,as to why a man in the office might be doing this rearranging of bits all the time, and in front of you.

It could be anything I suppose.ie. tight trousers, no underpants, crotch rash, or getting aroused !!

junipertree2 · 14/06/2021 18:38

Could you rub the juice of some Scotch Bonnet peppers along his desk or on his keyboard or whatever he touches before he 'touches'?

I have a hunch that this may stop it.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 14/06/2021 18:55

@Majorfluff

A woman in my office has this nasty habit of pulling her pants out of her crack, very off putting.
She is obviously doing that on purpose to intimidate you all somehow
SchrodingersImmigrant · 14/06/2021 18:56

@junipertree2

Could you rub the juice of some Scotch Bonnet peppers along his desk or on his keyboard or whatever he touches before he 'touches'?

I have a hunch that this may stop it.

It may also cause a reaction needing medical assistance...
AuntyMabelandPippin · 14/06/2021 18:59

I've just asked my DH if he's ever felt the need to do this in the workplace. He said no. I asked him if he's ever seen another man do it, he said no. He's been working in a male orientated workplace for over forty years. I've been working with men for the same length of time and never have I seen this.

Tell him to stop it. There's absolutely no reason to do it publically.

1stWorldProblems · 14/06/2021 19:07

I had a boss who used to this & I found it annoying. So one day I started doing my best Les Dawson impression - hiking up one boob & then the other. He immediately asked me what I was doing & I said I'd stop rearranging my dangly bits in public if he did too. Never happened again.

1stWorldProblems · 14/06/2021 19:07

Should say, he seemed genuinely surprised that anyone had noticed.

Original poster
changingnameforthis1234 · 14/06/2021 19:12

You think it's a good idea to have an email on record in which you bring up the topic of his penis/ballack?
If I received that, any unsolicited comments about my private areas, even if a complaint at my (potentially unintentional conducy) such as "your breasts are always on show", I would be the one going to HR!!!!
Fuck you're right. I guess everyone has such different ideas and approaches. I don't want to let this go but I don't want to end up accused of harrassing the man. I think I probably really need to speak to my LM and tell him what is happening and suggest I can discuss with fumbler on my own. But just so it's documented beforehand. Just wish it wasnt happening tbh

OP posts:
Moelwynbach · 14/06/2021 19:16

Dave is your Penis about to fall off?
I was concerned as you keep searching for it😀

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 14/06/2021 19:32

[quote JennieLee]In the words of the immortal Joyce Grenfell, 'George, don't do that.'

[/quote] Perfect! I love her so much.