Colleague altering his parts

[changingnameforthis1234]

I have a fairly new work colleague. It's a small office and we are allowed a maximum of two at a time in there due to Covid and also wear masks as we can't really keep 2 metres apart. There are often three on duty for an hour in the middle of the day and then one of us takes a break outside.
My AIBU is that every single time I'm alone with this male colleague which isn't that often, he spreads his legs and sort of alters his bits. It's hard not to be aware and im finding it uncomfortable.
The organisation is very tough on any sort of behaviour that could cause offence. Problem is I really really don't know if this is just a habit he has or if he does it in front of any male colleague.
If I mention it to another colleague and ask it's very likely they would report it to the manager.
I'm really not sure if this is being done to intimidate, is habit, or he's just a skank. He's a male in his 40's. I'm older and female. He seems ok in other ways , certainly not objectionable in any other way
So AIBU to just continue to ignore?
Btw I've name changed and do promise I'm not trolling

Wtf do men do this

I know why some men do - because it can be painful not to. Crotches can sometimes put pressure on testicles and it feels urgently uncomfortable. Adjusting sometimes involves trying to lift the scrotum clear of seams, through clothing. It isn't a sexual behaviour, it's to alleviate pain and discomfort. A similar discomfort can be caused if the head of the penis is caught between the trouser and an edge seam of underwear. Happens more often than you might imagine! And some men won't be aware that they're causing offence, because it's got nothing to do with arousal.

Make of my explanation what you will, but women may not realise that men can need to adjust that region for health reasons, not because they're trying to intimidate someone.

OP if you had a twenty something dd who told you this was happening you would encourage her to complain.
It’s inappropriate. Tell him once directly.
If it doesn’t stop take it further.

Even if he has done this all his life it doesn't mean it is okay.

@baroqueandblue

Wtf do men do this

I know why some men do - because it can be painful not to. Crotches can sometimes put pressure on testicles and it feels urgently uncomfortable. Adjusting sometimes involves trying to lift the scrotum clear of seams, through clothing. It isn't a sexual behaviour, it's to alleviate pain and discomfort. A similar discomfort can be caused if the head of the penis is caught between the trouser and an edge seam of underwear. Happens more often than you might imagine! And some men won't be aware that they're causing offence, because it's got nothing to do with arousal.

Make of my explanation what you will, but women may not realise that men can need to adjust that region for health reasons, not because they're trying to intimidate someone.

Well then this man needs to buy some better pants. I’ve worked with many men over the years and I’ve never seen them fiddling with their crotch. Therefore it can be done discreetly when necessary.

@Melitza, a GP may well tell you there are medical exceptions. I'm not blindly defending the OP's colleague, just pointing out that it can happen.

Crabs?

Yes I would be blunt, can you leave adjustment till you are not in my presence please, it could be misconstrued if you are not careful
This is good wording. Blunt but gives him an ‘out’.

The title made me think this was another trans thread.

I can see baroque's point and actually, I used to work with a woman who must have been wearing uncomfortable thongs as she was always 'freeing them'. That was annoying as well. I think some people just get into the habit of adjusting themselves because nobody ever tells them to stop it.

I think it should be a universal expectation that if you have to adjust yourself, do it in private. Not difficult.

@baroqueandblue

Wtf do men do this

I know why some men do - because it can be painful not to. Crotches can sometimes put pressure on testicles and it feels urgently uncomfortable. Adjusting sometimes involves trying to lift the scrotum clear of seams, through clothing. It isn't a sexual behaviour, it's to alleviate pain and discomfort. A similar discomfort can be caused if the head of the penis is caught between the trouser and an edge seam of underwear. Happens more often than you might imagine! And some men won't be aware that they're causing offence, because it's got nothing to do with arousal.

Make of my explanation what you will, but women may not realise that men can need to adjust that region for health reasons, not because they're trying to intimidate someone.

True, but I am large of norc and my bra can be uncomfortable or painful at times, but I don't adjust the girls in the middle of the office.

Yes he might need to adjust his hits but he can go to the loo for that. I don't pull my tights up or readjust my knickers in the office.

I'm afraid I would be sarcastic and say something like "do you need some time alone, just you and your bits?". But this is not very constructive, the "blunt" approach up thread is probably better.

If he doesn't even turn away from you, it's gross, at best.

I'd go with the direct, factual approach suggested above.

Tom, would you mind not adjusting yourself in public, thanks.

Very weird to be doing this so regularly!

Perhaps he has a medical problem, maybe he is wearing his wife's knickers

If you are confident enough then make a light hearted comment, if not then report it to your manager and ask to kept anonymous.

You definitely shouldn't have to put up with this behaviour

As a PP said a quick 'Do you mind?' with a disapproving eye brow raise will suffice and his reaction will tell you if you need to take it further.

*Wtf do men do this

I know why some men do - because it can be painful not to. Crotches can sometimes put pressure on testicles and it feels urgently uncomfortable. Adjusting sometimes involves trying to lift the scrotum clear of seams, through clothing. It isn't a sexual behaviour, it's to alleviate pain and discomfort. A similar discomfort can be caused if the head of the penis is caught between the trouser and an edge seam of underwear. Happens more often than you might imagine! And some men won't be aware that they're causing offence, because it's got nothing to do with arousal.

Make of my explanation what you will, but women may not realise that men can need to adjust that region for health reasons, not because they're trying to intimidate someone.*

This is a pathetic excuse. We all have a responsibility to buy appropriate clothing. If he's that uncomfortable he needs to be touching his genitals when alone with a female colleague, he should get some new clothes.
It's not on to be making excuses for this kind of behaviour.

This is a pathetic excuse. We all have a responsibility to buy appropriate clothing. If he's that uncomfortable he needs to be touching his genitals when alone with a female colleague, he should get some new clothes.It's not on to be making excuses for this kind of behaviour.

I wasn't excusing anybody, I was offering insight. Stop projecting.

Yes he might need to adjust his hits but he can go to the loo for that.

I think this won't work, if he needs to adjust, it'll probably be necessary each time he sits down. Standing up to move from one place to another will cause his bits to lose the position they were adjusted to.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

I can see baroque's point and actually, I used to work with a woman who must have been wearing uncomfortable thongs as she was always 'freeing them'. That was annoying as well. I think some people just get into the habit of adjusting themselves because nobody ever tells them to stop it.

I think it should be a universal expectation that if you have to adjust yourself, do it in private. Not difficult.

I think it is different when it is a woman adjusting her pants than a man adjusting his genitals.

Sounds like an ex colleague of mine, always adjusting himself. Grim.

One in an old office of mine too - we used to call him Scratch n' Sniff (boke)

If your workplace is as professional as you suggest, I’d not be making any sort of jokey comment about this. It could be misconstrued and co side red inappropriate. A direct “Please stop adjusting yourself in the office, it makes me very uncomfortable” would be less awkward than anything too clever.

SunshineCake, No. It really isn't different, it's a bit grimy. I don't want to see either and there's no excuse for either to be done in front of other people. If you (general) find that you're having to keep adjusting yourself then leave so that you can do it in private or perhaps 'road test' your clothes at home so that you can be sure they fit?

I think it is different when it is a woman adjusting her pants than a man adjusting his genitals.
I don't think so.

Anyway. Not everything men do, is some kind of attack. There is no need to go to hr unless he does it deliberately. He may seriously not click it. Opening the mouth and telling someone "do you mind doing that elsewhere or in a different manner?" is the best way to communicate like normal adults should. If he says no, or continues, then it is a problem.

i would go for a 2-line approach.

Email your LM stating that colleague's actions make you feel uncomfortable but you will have a direct word. If things dont change/improve/stop you will come back to them.

Then speak to colleague directly - from your description of the environment perhaps low key factual. Then do yourself a file note - date and save.

If behaviour improves - great
If it doesnt then you have a decent audit trail.