For being annoyed at MIL for babies sun burn?

[HannahAD]

Yesterday my MIL took my 21 month old out for the day and specifically asked for him to be wearing “beach appropriate clothes” we live in Scotland and it wasn’t sunny or warm at all when I was getting him ready so I put lightweight leggings and a T-shirt on him and popped a jacket under his pram incase it got any colder. I put sun cream on him and told her the cream was in his bag and would need to be reapplied later if he was getting out of his pram and she agreed. 3 hours later we get him back and he’s very sunburned. I asked about how it was possible when he had factor 50 on and she replied “I don’t believe in suncream as I’ve heard it can cause cancer, so I never put anymore on him ” my partner says I’m being unreasonable for being very annoyed as now my baby is sunburned, uncomfortable and I feel that is very irresponsible.

WTF?! Haven't read the whole thread but what a blooming idiot. I'm a bit dubious about the chemicals in suncream not being good for you and absorbed into your skin but I just buy the more natural brands like Badger. What a numpty.

Your MIL is grossly irresponsible, and she would not be left in charge of my child again if she was my MIL.

Your DH is a twat for defending her. It's especially appalling that he thinks it's ok that he was allowed to sunburn repetitively as a child under her 'care' setting him up for potential cancer issues.

And she lied to you. You told her to reapply the suncream; she indicated she would; then only later when she's hurt your child by not doing so did she admit she 'didn't believe it in'. Absolute cow.

@Nahhh

I said YABU only because you said she brought him back 3 hours later. The sunscreen you applied shouldn’t have needed topping up in that time surely?

The mil took clothing off so the sun was on unprotected skin

YANBU.

And you DH needs to understand that this is not OK. You can keep your children away from bad inlaws, you have far fewer options with a bad fellow parent.

If I was asked to have my children “beach ready” they’d have sunscreen all over them. It’s meant to be on ahead of exposure to give it time to work so I’d want to be prepared.

Sunscreen needs to be reapplied regularly, particularly if it might have rubbed off or you have sweated.

www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/sunscreen-and-sun-safety/

I think there is a limit to how much you can apply ahead of time if you are wearing clothes and plan to get changed.

@cakebythepound1234 my baby got a blister too. I am devastated. How long did it take you to get over it? I am really struggling

I don’t blame you for being furious, it’s incredibly uncaring to let a baby burn, even more so when you have the sunblock with you.

Tbh I wouldn’t trust your dh to have your back either if he took them out for the day either, he sounds very passive about the whole incident and his mum might influence him to ignore the suncream.

Your dh doesn’t know if he’ll get skin cancer or not yet.

I'd be beyond furious and you're dead right to not allow her to take care of your DC again, the woman is a neglectful, incompetent fool. And your DH needs kicking into touch as well if he's unfazed by her behaviour.

I would be furious. If she 'doesn't believe in using suncream' she should have said when you dropped DS off and told her he would need more suncream on. I would be furious with your DH as well, he should be backing you up. Also, if he was allowed to burn as a child he is at risk of skin cancer.

I have had mild sunburn once in my 33 years - at 25 on an overcast day when I didn't think to reapply my cream. My stupid mistake, never happened again. I never got burnt once as a child, my mother was religious about suncream to the point my nickname at school was 'Snow White'.

My mother's father is one who 'doesn't believe in suncream' as he has light olive skin which generally tans. He has been treated for skin cancer on more than one occasion. Refuses to see the connection

@Desperatelytrying123 I was pretty upset for a few days, angry at them for a couple of weeks. Even now I'd be a bit anxious about them having him in a hot day, and that was 4 years ago, but I do genuinely think they've learned their lesson and wouldn't make that mistake again. It didn't seem to bother our son, although he was a much more unsettled sleeper for a couple of nights after it, I'm assuming his ears were rubbing on the bedding and hurting. But during the day he was ok. I was also upset because when we took him to the shops etc in those couple of days where he was red it made us look like bad parents. I know you shouldn't care what people think but i was paranoid that people were looking at his red skin and thinking we were the ones who had caused it. When my DH and I couldn't be any more vigilant than we already are about sun cream, ironically.

@cakebythepound1234 thank you for replying. Mine was 4 weeks ago. There is still a red mark where the blister was. Did your DS’s leave a lasting mark? I can’t bear it.

That's awful I'm not a big fan of suncream do I keep my DD out of the sun and covered as required, why on earth did MIL take her to the beach if she felt this way ... it's like she burned your child on purpose to assert her dominance and that is some fucked up shit.

@Looneytune253

Surely it's pretty impossible to get badly sunburned within 3 hours when little one already had cream on and was covered over for at least part of it? Has it gone down at all OP? Are they not just a bit flushed? If she really has been so nonchalant about applying any suncream I can understand why you might think twice next time though

I got a slightly sunburnt neck last Wednesday in two hours, despite having long-lasting factor 50 on (it must have rubbed off a bit when I got changed out of my swimming costume).

So not, I don’t find it hard to believe that a baby who had suncream applied a while ago, whose grandmother then took her clothes off exposing un-suncreamed skin, got badly sunburnt. Not hard to believe at all.

We took my 9 month out on Saturday 28 degree heat, we were out the house 15 hours. She didn’t get sun burnt. She only had suncream on her legs. We kept the top half in the shade (we did try to keep all of her in the shade, but sometimes the angle of the pram/sun made her legs in the sun).
So even if she doesn’t believe in suncream for 3 hours it’s possible.

@Chewbecca

YABU

He shouldn’t be sunburned after 3 hours whilst wearing factor 50 in not-that-sunny weather.

I wouldn’t reapply within 3 hours in those conditions.

I've been sunburned from a twenty minute break at work in mid January. The sun came out and bounced up from the concrete. People burn from winter snow holidays. Add in the reflective qualities of water and sunburn is even more likely at the beach especially in June.

Just because darker skinned people don't burn, that doesn't mean than babies with light skin won't in three whole hours at the beach. Might as well stick 'em under the grill for ten minutes each side.

YANBU at all. I wouldn't be letting her look after him solo again either. She 100% ignored what you said. That's unforgivable for me personally, I'd worry what the next thing would be that she'd disregard because she disagreed with you.

As an aside I'd recommend looking into the 'once a day' long lasting sun creams. I'm incredibly fair and so is my DS. I recently switched to Boots once a day for kids. Previously I was using Nivea spf50 for kids which is 5 protection. But even reapplying it every 2-3 hours he'd still end up a bit pink if he was out for quite awhile. This wasn't an issue at home but he goes to a childminder 4 days a week and they spend a lot* of time outside. Plus she's got 3-4 kids to keep sun creamed. Long story short she still reapplies his suncream pretty regularly but since switching to the once a day stuff he's not been pink once.

I’m sorry but seriously? You had factor 50 on him? In Scotland? And 3 hours later he was sunburnt?
I find that very, very hard to believe!
I have a very red headed child- live in a similar place (up north) would use factor 30 when it’s over 25 degrees outside (for the full day) and they have NEVER been sunburnt! I find it v hard to believe that your 2 year old is sunburnt after 3 hours (AFTER you applying factor 50 and then wearing clothes) unless this is a drip feed, your sun cream is out of date or you are full of shit!

So? Her child’s skin may be more sensitive than your child. Just because yours doesn’t, doesn’t mean hers can’t.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Of course your husband was burnt a lot as a child, his mother is a moron. I’d go berserk and she wouldn’t watch him again!

This.

OP, people burn more when it’s windy. I would definitely burn on a breezy beach, even with factor 50. My skin just can’t be exposed to the sun. YA soooo not being unreasonable. Have you spoke to your MIL?

@Icouldntgive2fas

I’m sorry but seriously? You had factor 50 on him? In Scotland? And 3 hours later he was sunburnt? I find that very, very hard to believe! I have a very red headed child- live in a similar place (up north) would use factor 30 when it’s over 25 degrees outside (for the full day) and they have NEVER been sunburnt! I find it v hard to believe that your 2 year old is sunburnt after 3 hours (AFTER you applying factor 50 and then wearing clothes) unless this is a drip feed, your sun cream is out of date or you are full of shit!

As I posted two posts above yours, I got slightly sunburned after two hours in the sun last Wednesday, with factor 50 on. Am I also full of shit? Are the other posters saying the same thing also lying? Or are you maybe not a world expert on the topic of other people’s sunburn?

Your partner is almost as much of an idiot as his mother. Does he have no concept of how delicate a baby's skin is, let alone one that is already fair skinned? He needs some serious education.

How long sun cream lasts - EASY RULE OF THUMB

It's all about your own personal skin. (or that of your child)

If your bare skin would start to burn within 1 minute of being in the full sun then a factor 30 will give you 30 mins before you start to burn. Factor 50 should give you 50 mins.

If your bare skin would start to burn within 10 mins with no protection then:
Factor 30 will give you 300 mins (5 hours) of protection. Factor 50 = 500 mins (8 hours).

However these times are maximum and under perfect conditions. ie: 1. not sweating it off at all,

1. not rubbing it off onto clothing
2. putting on a good layer in the first place
3. allowing enough time between the cream going on and going into the sun. (20 mins iirc)

It's rare all 4 conditions are met, so better to err on the side of caution and not leave it to the max before reapplying.

I know all this and still got bloody burned when the sun appeared a couple of weeks ago

I agree you're not being unreasonable on two accounts. First you have the fact she has neglected him and causes him to get badly sunburned the poor thing, and secondly she lied to you, saying she would and then not bothering. If your MiL is hard work your DH is maybe trying to keep the peace but to me this is absolutely something to put your foot down with.

Is your OH not fuming!!? If it was me I would be making it very clear that was the last time they got to enjoy my sons company alone