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AIBU?

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Original poster

For being annoyed at MIL for babies sun burn?

280 replies

HannahAD · 14/06/2021 10:59

Yesterday my MIL took my 21 month old out for the day and specifically asked for him to be wearing “beach appropriate clothes” we live in Scotland and it wasn’t sunny or warm at all when I was getting him ready so I put lightweight leggings and a T-shirt on him and popped a jacket under his pram incase it got any colder. I put sun cream on him and told her the cream was in his bag and would need to be reapplied later if he was getting out of his pram and she agreed. 3 hours later we get him back and he’s very sunburned. I asked about how it was possible when he had factor 50 on and she replied “I don’t believe in suncream as I’ve heard it can cause cancer, so I never put anymore on him ” my partner says I’m being unreasonable for being very annoyed as now my baby is sunburned, uncomfortable and I feel that is very irresponsible.

OP posts:
HopingForOurRainbowBaby · 15/06/2021 00:25

I'm pretty fair skinned. Even I burn after a few hours of wearing a factor 50 I remember years ago when we'd gone to the Aqua park in Tenerife. It was warm but very over cast in the afternoon. I spent hours just laid on a rubber ring going round and round the lazy river, didn't even think to apply anymore suncream cos there was no sun. (Aside from my stupidity of using carrot oil when I 19 and got second degree burns from it) I suffered one of the worst sunburns I have ever had. I couldn't even have the bed sheets over my legs on a night time because they were that painful.

Sceptre86 · 15/06/2021 03:45

She should have reapplied it because you asked her to. Her personal beliefs don't matter when she has care of your child. I would be livid and not allow her to have your baby again. I would also be annoyed at your oh and explain why it is so important. His lax attitude to parenting is likely to cause you issues.

Onesnowynight · 15/06/2021 04:47

I’d be livid if it was my ds!

Original poster
HannahAD · 15/06/2021 09:39

I was seen by the nurse and told to keep giving him calpol and make sure he is moisturised regularly and kept cool (which I was already doing) he seems more comfortable today :)

OP posts:
PrimulaPrimrose · 15/06/2021 09:43

So the poor baby had no cream on where she took his clothes off?! No wonder he burned.
What a foolish, reckless person.

PrimulaPrimrose · 15/06/2021 09:43

Glad he's improving op.

Waspie · 15/06/2021 10:01

Your poor baby HannahAD. I'm glad he's a little more comfortable today.

I'd recommend "Banana Boat baby" sun cream for your son. My son is a red head and burns easily and this was the cream his nursery recommended. We used it for years and he never burnt (we did obviously reapply it every 3 hours!) Also, get some beach clothes (and hat) with built in UPF filters that he can wear outside. Really useful, particularly if he's at the beach or in a paddling pool.

twinguilt · 15/06/2021 10:03

I'm shocked by how many people are saying 'if he had factor 50 on he shouldn't have burnt' - that's just not true if you have fair skin. Sadly I have v fair skin and 3 hours in blazing sunshine would be way too long for me and I'm an adult, not a delicate skinned baby! On really hot days I stay out the sun completely between 11&3 & generally I wear lightweight long sleeved tops etc despite the fact I'd love to just wear a vest top. I have young babies and I have had them in sun hats & loose long clothes with sun cream on too recently.
I think if you are the kind of person who burns, then suncream can only do so much. YDNBU - I'd not leave my child with her again & have a word with my DH.

KM38 · 15/06/2021 10:05

@HannahAD

I was seen by the nurse and told to keep giving him calpol and make sure he is moisturised regularly and kept cool (which I was already doing) he seems more comfortable today :)
@HannahAD So glad he’s feeling a bit more comfortable now! Have you had the chance to speak to your MIL about it yet?
Original poster
HannahAD · 15/06/2021 10:11

I told spoke to her yesterday and told her I was very pissed off at her and that she won’t be having my child again by her self. I also explained how important sun cream is for children especially. In the winter we protect our children from the cold with hats, scarfs and big jackets so why would we not protect our children in the summer suncream and hats. She’s been moaning at DH but I don’t really care.

OP posts:
paniniswapx3 · 15/06/2021 10:15

I don't blame you for taking that stance Op - it's totally irresponsible of her to have done that and in your shoes I would be absolutely raging!

Wavypurple · 15/06/2021 10:18

I would be close to tears. She would never be looking after him again.
Borderline child neglect on her part to be honest.

ScottishNewbie · 15/06/2021 10:22

Good on you OP. Stand firm and don't let her whinging wear you down. you've done the right thing.

PrimulaPrimrose · 15/06/2021 11:08

Taking a pale toddler's protective layers off for more than a few short minutes on a beach in middle of the day in mid June is neglect in my book.

PrimulaPrimrose · 15/06/2021 11:09

We are all very sun sensitive in our family so I feel it.ShockAngry

JewelGarden · 15/06/2021 11:35

@HannahAD

I was seen by the nurse and told to keep giving him calpol and make sure he is moisturised regularly and kept cool (which I was already doing) he seems more comfortable today :)
It does heal quickly. Savlon advanced healing gel is good for sunburn.
Original poster
HannahAD · 15/06/2021 12:10

I actually have that, good shout!

OP posts:
Babydust13 · 15/06/2021 18:56

@Babynames2

YANBU. She’s an absolute idiot. Sunburn causes cancer and now you have a child who is in pain. She wouldn’t be babysitting my child again.

my partner says I’m being unreasonable for being very annoyed

Your partner is also an idiot.

100% this

Your MIL was seriously irresponsible and I'm shocked your husband isn't more annoyed he should be having some serious words with her

GoodHairDay86 · 16/06/2021 08:38

This has ended up on daily mail i came back to find your thread to tell you!

www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/family/mum-bans-mother-law-seeing-24324824

I hope your bubba is ok OP very irresponsible of your Mil id be fuming

LemonFantaGin · 16/06/2021 09:06

I came back to do the same @GoodHairDay86

ExD1938 · 16/06/2021 10:11

I'm beginning to feel quite sorry for your MIL.
I agree you are NBU over it, but she must be feeling dreadful by now. You've made yourself clear, its even reached the Daily Mail, but although she made a dreadful mistake, no harm's been done and she'll never, ever do it again. She loves her little grandson to bits, so please drop it now, before it causes a family rift that will last for ever and deprive the lad of a loving grandparent's input into his life.
Surely she's been punished enough.
If you had looked after a friend's child and carelessly left him in the sun without protection - you'd be mortified. She will be too.

She hasn't found a way to apologise yet, but at least give her the chance.
Don't forget, but please forgive.

PurpleyBlue · 16/06/2021 10:14

@HannahAD tagging you OP so you know its made the daily mail

Throckmorton · 16/06/2021 10:44

@ExD1938

I'm beginning to feel quite sorry for your MIL. I agree you are NBU over it, but she must be feeling dreadful by now. You've made yourself clear, its even reached the Daily Mail, but although she made a dreadful mistake, no harm's been done and she'll never, ever do it again. She loves her little grandson to bits, so please drop it now, before it causes a family rift that will last for ever and deprive the lad of a loving grandparent's input into his life. Surely she's been punished enough. If you had looked after a friend's child and carelessly left him in the sun without protection - you'd be mortified. She will be too. She hasn't found a way to apologise yet, but at least give her the chance. Don't forget, but please forgive.
Have you actually read the thread? MIL didn't make a mistake - she chose not to reapply sunscreen. She also had the opportunity to tell OP she wouldn't use sunscreen but didn't. MIL is not the one deserving of sympathy here
Whyhello · 16/06/2021 10:46

The sun can cause cancer, not the cream that blocks it from harming you. She sounds a bit dim and quite dangerous, I wouldn’t let her look after him again.

ExD1938 · 16/06/2021 11:42

Read all the threads about Estrangement on here which are truly heart breaking, something like this causes permanent rifts in a family that can continue for decades - sometimes even after the death of the perpetrator. I can see this happening here if a little forgiveness isn't brought in.
Yes I know, the woman was ignorant in thinking sun cream causes cancer and deliberately didn't apply cream when she'd listened to OP's instructions, I know sun causes cancer etc. I did read the first post. I do agree this gran shouldn't be allowed to take care of the child again.
But what's done is done, all the righteous fury in the world can't undo it. Even the mighty Daily Mail doesn't have a magic wand to undo what's done. Estrangement won't help.
Please don't let it escalate. When the boy is 16 and says 'why don't we speak to Dad's Mum any more?' - what's your answer? 'She let you get sunburnt when you were a baby'?

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