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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For being annoyed at MIL for babies sun burn?

280 replies

HannahAD · 14/06/2021 10:59

Yesterday my MIL took my 21 month old out for the day and specifically asked for him to be wearing “beach appropriate clothes” we live in Scotland and it wasn’t sunny or warm at all when I was getting him ready so I put lightweight leggings and a T-shirt on him and popped a jacket under his pram incase it got any colder. I put sun cream on him and told her the cream was in his bag and would need to be reapplied later if he was getting out of his pram and she agreed. 3 hours later we get him back and he’s very sunburned. I asked about how it was possible when he had factor 50 on and she replied “I don’t believe in suncream as I’ve heard it can cause cancer, so I never put anymore on him ” my partner says I’m being unreasonable for being very annoyed as now my baby is sunburned, uncomfortable and I feel that is very irresponsible.

OP posts:
KM38 · 14/06/2021 13:57

@HannahAD

It wasn’t that sunny when we left the house in the morning but in Scotland the weather changes a lot during the day especially the past few weeks it’s been on and off. I always put cream on him if we are going out because there’s always a chance the sun will come out
@HannahAD I’m also in Scotland. We end up with all 4 seasons in one day most days 😅 My sons pram basket everyday has suncream, a parasol, a heavy blanket, a large Muslim blanket and a rain cover 🤣 My son is fair skinned and red headed like his dad so I’m the exact same - apply suncream when I get him dressed in the morning - then it goes in his nappy bag and I reapply during the day as needed. I’d be absolutely furious with her! She certainly wouldn’t have unsupervised access to him again. Hope he’s doing ok Flowers
SunshineCake · 14/06/2021 13:58

Your partner is a dick and is listening to his mummy before caring his child is now suffering. She'd not be having him for a while alone.

Ellpellwood · 14/06/2021 13:59

I'd be absolutely raging. MiL and FiL looked after toddler DS yesterday, and the first thing she did was ask if I'd left sunscreen in his bag.

Zilla1 · 14/06/2021 13:59

If your MIL is thick skinned and not a worrier, I'd also be tempted with a throwaway comment after visiting the GP 'Let's hope she doesn't follow through with her threat to refer me to social services'.

Sylvan92 · 14/06/2021 13:59

I accidentally voted YABU! Blush This is the most obvious YANBU I think I’ve seen on MN.

LolaSmiles · 14/06/2021 14:01

I thought this was going to be a YABU because baby had accidentally caught the sun a little next to clothing that rubbed the suncream off, but this is something else!
YANBU at all. Is she on another planet?

PlanDeRaccordement · 14/06/2021 14:01

YANBU about her outdated attitude towards suncream. I also would not trust her in future.

However, the suncream you applied should have lasted the 3hrs. So I think this particular sunburn is more due to the suncream being no good than MIL.

Babynames2 · 14/06/2021 14:05

All those pp’s saying ‘I wouldn’t reapply after 3 hours if it wasn’t that sunny’ the sunscreen wears off after 2-3 hours, regardless of the amount of sun or heat. So would still need reapplying, it’s the uv index you should go by, a uv index of 3 is usual on an cloudy day so many people wouldn’t think it requires sunscreen, but it means moderate risk of sunburn, so for a child they would definitely need sunscreen reapplying if they’re outside. Especially if they’re fair skinned.

BorderlineHappy · 14/06/2021 14:06

Is there any chance she rubbed the suncream off him,thats why he burned.

chesterelly · 14/06/2021 14:16

I hope your DS's skin calms down quickly and he is not too unwell with it. This was the straw that broke the camel's back with my MIL. She always knew best, we were going out one day and she was babysitting. I realised after we'd left that I hadn't reminded her to use suncream on DD although it had been left out. I wanted to phone but DH assured me she would use it. Of course we came back to a sunburnt DD. When she saw I was upset she went on the "nothing I do is good enough" defensive, causing a big row with her storming out and me saying to DH "let her go, no one speaks to me like that in my own house". I'd already turned a blind eye too many times when she disregarded me.
Even if she didn't want to use sun cream there are still many options to avoid sunburn, keep covered with clothes and a hat, stay in the shade, keep him in his pram with sun shade, go indoors. She clearly didn't do any of those things. If I was you (& I guess I have been!) she wouldn't be in charge of my DC again.

PlanDeRaccordement · 14/06/2021 14:18

@Babynames2
The suncream I use lasts 6-8hrs. It only needs to be reapplied after 3hrs if you’re swimming or sweating heavily. It is definitely not very good suncream if it can’t last 3hrs.

@BorderlineHappy
I am a bit suspicious she might have taken a wipe and rubbed the suncream off too. It’s just strange to me that a child with spf50 suncream in Scotland would burn after only 3hrs. The sun isn’t as strong there as here in France....

DragonDoor · 14/06/2021 14:20

So sorry to hear that your son is badly burned.

To be honest, I think a lot of it is probably due to attitudes to sun screen are different between generations. Parents today use it routinely and would be horrified if someone caring for their child didn’t use it, but I doubt your MIL used it back in the day so is sceptical.

It’s also possible your MIL just didn’t realise how fair your son is.

She intentionally didn’t apply it, but unless there is a back story of neglect, I would imagine the reason she didn’t use it was because she didn’t believe in it, not because she wanted to harm her grandson.

So long as she has learned her lesson and would be willing to put it on in the future, I wouldn’t make any drastic declarations about not being allowed to take him out.

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 14/06/2021 14:22

She deliberately ignored your specific instructions and hurt your baby.

QuirkyUsername · 14/06/2021 14:23

Jesus Christ, if you don't believe in sun cream then you don't let them go in the sun.
My mum never believed in sun cream because she grew up in East Africa, her ethos was you either cover up or don't go in the sun. You don't not apply cream and then take them in the sodding sun. Lord.

Beautiful3 · 14/06/2021 14:25

I buy the ones that last all day, it's worth it.

Babynames2 · 14/06/2021 14:27

PlanDeRaccordement

I also use one which lasts that long (the soltan once range) but the OP has stated that the nivea one she uses lasts 2-3. That doesn’t mean it’s a bad sunscreen, it still has a good UVA and UVB rating, but it is just one which needs reapplying more often. Most sunscreens actually say to reapply frequently, unless they are designed to be a long lasting one.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 14/06/2021 14:28

My mum never wore suncream as a child (lived by the sea) and even now only wears it if it is really hot but she would never, ever not put it on my daughter!!
That is awful OP and yanbu.

TimeTravellingBrain · 14/06/2021 14:28

Very odd. Surely if she doesn’t believe in using sun cream she at least would believe that the sun itself is dangerous and therefore keep the baby covered up? My dd is allergic to sun cream, so always wears a hat and long sleeves in the sun, except for 10 minutes or so to get a bit of vit d.

Dollywilde · 14/06/2021 14:32

Also those saying MIL might have darker skin, it’s no excuse. I’m olive toned and can get away with the lightest touch of sun cream most days, but DD is like her dad, all peaches and cream. I know that she needs far more cream than me on account of her being a baby, on account of her skin tone, and on account of me not being a complete fucking moron.

contrary13 · 14/06/2021 14:33

@Rangoon - I think you mean me...? "By the way for the poster with the sunblock allergy, we had similar trouble with my youngest. He came out in hives. I had a huge stock of sunblock as I kept trying different ones. He reacted to the carrier in the mineral sunscreens too. The only thing that we found that worked was the Cetaphil sunblock. Just in case it's helpful."

It is helpful. Thank you. My youngest is now a nocturnal 16 year old, but at some point he and his itchy skin will want to be out in the sun (especially as he's going into an outdoors trade!). Cetaphil sunblock is definitely worth a try, because despite his olive skin... I do worry. My father also has olive skin and, as I said in my post, has worrisome blemishes on his face right now (following a throat cancer scare two years ago).

My ex and I both have the same olive/don't burn easily skin of our son, both spent years working in the outdoors (I'm an archaeologist, he's a tree surgeon), but both used sun screen, wore hats, long sleeves, baggy clothing, and so forth. My oldest (who is very fair skinned) was slathered in sun screen as a child and has only started to burn since she turned 20 and I stopped nagging her to apply and reapply. My youngest would have been similarly slathered, if he didn't have this reaction. And hives - as you'll know - are not pleasant. Especially not when you're a year old and don't know what's happening to you!

So thank you, and I will certainly be discussing this with both my son and his father in an attempt to discover if, finally, there's something that might work on him. Because he's too old now for us to wrangle him into a long-sleeved shirt and hat whenever it happens to be hot/sunny. We do have years of practice between us, however, but... he's almost 17, taller than both of us, and surly during sunlit hours [grins]

Very sincerely though: thank you. Flowers

PlanDeRaccordement · 14/06/2021 14:33

@Babynames2
Fair enough, I do think that a suncream that results in bad sunburn only 3hrs after application on a baby....is a bad suncream. But I am biased by living in a sunnier, hotter country than Scotland. So what is useless to me as actual suncream, I can see would be acceptable to you as someone up north where it would have some use ;)

cupsofcoffee · 14/06/2021 14:36

@Rosebel

It wasn't hot or sunny and you put cream on him so I don't understand how he got burned in less than 3 hours. Of course she should have respected your wishes but it doesn't make sense as to how he got burned with no sun or warmth
It doesn't need to be sunny to get burnt.

It's the UV rays that cause the burning. I've been caught out at work a few times as it's been cloudy and I've not thought to use cream.

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/06/2021 14:38

Obv she should have put cream on him

Tho I can’t see how if you put a good brand of 50 On and 3hrs later burnt

Where is he burnt ?

You Prob need to invest in a uv swim suit so arms legs chest are all
Covered

deathbypostitnote · 14/06/2021 14:38

You really can't let her have him on her own again.

That is awful.

Your poor baby.

It was selfish of her to stay out so long if she wasn't going to put sun cream on. She had other options. Also very underhand to say that she would apply it. What a terrible grandmother.

NotSoLongGoodbye · 14/06/2021 14:39

I would be furious. Your MiL showed no sun sense at all - why she removed his clothes and didn't apply sunscreen is beyond me. You also need to educate your DH.

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