For being annoyed at MIL for babies sun burn?

[HannahAD]

Yesterday my MIL took my 21 month old out for the day and specifically asked for him to be wearing “beach appropriate clothes” we live in Scotland and it wasn’t sunny or warm at all when I was getting him ready so I put lightweight leggings and a T-shirt on him and popped a jacket under his pram incase it got any colder. I put sun cream on him and told her the cream was in his bag and would need to be reapplied later if he was getting out of his pram and she agreed. 3 hours later we get him back and he’s very sunburned. I asked about how it was possible when he had factor 50 on and she replied “I don’t believe in suncream as I’ve heard it can cause cancer, so I never put anymore on him ” my partner says I’m being unreasonable for being very annoyed as now my baby is sunburned, uncomfortable and I feel that is very irresponsible.

Your mil is a cow and I wouldn't let her have your ds again. Your oh is a tit for agreeing that it's ok for his son to be burned 🤦‍♀️ sounds like he's a mummy's boy

You clearly have a MIL (and DH) problem rather than a sun cream problem, but I can highly recommend the once a day suncreams. They've been a lifesaver for us. Ultrasun is the one I use at the moment and it's bloody brilliant. They do an Extreme one, factor 50+, specifically for very fair skin.

What did she say when you told her how you felt?

She should have kept him in the shade then or stayed in

Now that I've calmed down from being livid on your behalf, I spoke to DH who is a medical professional (and very fair skinned) and this is his response:

To ignore the huge amounts of scientific data showing that exposure to UV causes cancer, also taking in to account cancer risks are highest in the young due to the rapidly dividing cells, and then to claim the opposite based on information probably off of the back of a cheap cereal box amounts to idiocy, neglect and abuse. If it happened again I would genuinely consider it a safeguarding issue. So you are absolutely in the right and DH is being incredibly casual with his child's health.

Oh god I’m so annoyed on your behalf! I wouldn’t trust her again stupid woman.

OMG!! I am so angry on your behalf OP!! I’m sorry your DH isn’t backing you up! Maybe you need to show him some articles about the dangers of sunburn in infant skin!

I don't think you should let her take him alone again, but I do know a lot of Mums who've had this problem when leaving a baby or child with a grandparent, so you're not alone. I think that caring for a child or baby is a hard and complex job, and just because the grandparents raised us, doesn't mean they are primed and ready to take on a baby or small child without quite a lot of handover training.

@phoenixrosehere

*I’m sorry but seriously? You had factor 50 on him? In Scotland? And 3 hours later he was sunburnt? I find that very, very hard to believe! I have a very red headed child- live in a similar place (up north) would use factor 30 when it’s over 25 degrees outside (for the full day) and they have NEVER been sunburnt! I find it v hard to believe that your 2 year old is sunburnt after 3 hours (AFTER you applying factor 50 and then wearing clothes) unless this is a drip feed, your sun cream is out of date or you are full of shit!*

So? Her child’s skin may be more sensitive than your child. Just because yours doesn’t, doesn’t mean hers can’t.

Doubt it!

@Icouldntgive2fas

I’m sorry but seriously? You had factor 50 on him? In Scotland? And 3 hours later he was sunburnt? I find that very, very hard to believe! I have a very red headed child- live in a similar place (up north) would use factor 30 when it’s over 25 degrees outside (for the full day) and they have NEVER been sunburnt! I find it v hard to believe that your 2 year old is sunburnt after 3 hours (AFTER you applying factor 50 and then wearing clothes) unless this is a drip feed, your sun cream is out of date or you are full of shit!

@Icouldntgive2fas My very fair skinned and red headed child and I live in Scotland and he 100% would have burnt yesterday afternoon if he’d been out of the shade for long - even with factor 50 on! It doesn’t take much for a child to burn! And suncream rubs off very quickly under clothing!

I dont understand the people saying you can't burn 3 hours after apply factor 50. Laiste's post is spot on.

I always put factor 50 on and if I don't reapply it religiously, I am nut brown, so presumably on someone with pale white skin, they would be burnt rather than brown.

@Icouldntgive2fas

Why? What makes your child the standard to say who can and can’t burn? Just because you’ve not seen it happen, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.

@TheWernethWife

However I am amazed that you were able to get a GP’s appointment. I would have expect one of the practice nurses to check it out

OP may find that she's seen by a practice nurse when she gets to the surgery, why try to pick holes n her statement. I always say I've got an appointment at the doctors even if I'm having blood tests with the nurse.

I was not ‘trying to pick holes in her statement’. Considering the amount of posts on Mumsnet describing the difficulty of getting an appointment with a GP, and my own experience, I was surprised.

So keep your own nitpicking to yourself, TheWernethWife.

Honestly, at that age it is wise to keep them out of direct sun rather than depend on sun block. Cover up with light weight clothes and hat, and play in the shade. Their skin is so tender.

I would be so angry is this was my child, might as well have let him play on the stove 😔

Also, there seems to be a lot of ignorance about what spf means.

The number indicates how much time than usual your skin will be protected from sunburn. So if your skin is very fair you will need to reapply much more frequently than a person with olive skin.

But babies just need to be out of hit sun for any longer than 10min.

@TheTuesdayPringle

Also, there seems to be a lot of ignorance about what spf means.

The number indicates how much time than usual your skin will be protected from sunburn. So if your skin is very fair you will need to reapply much more frequently than a person with olive skin.

But babies just need to be out of hit sun for any longer than 10min.

Yes. I burn easily. If I was in midday sun**, I wouldn't dream of attempting three hours without reapplying. Probably twice.

** I would never go into midday sun for more than a few minutes, SPF or not.

UV levels aren't related to how warm it is. I burn on cloudy days, even with Factor 50 on. My skin type is very fair. I was burnt horrifically as a child, just by being outside for not very long.

I'd not trust her again, particularly as she happy to have your DH burn on a regular basis.

I can't believe there are people arguing that a baby should be able to sit on a beach in what could have been direct sunlight, beside water, without having a reapplication of sun cream that had been put on hours before and probably been rubbed off on his clothes. I'm nearly 40 and I burn really red after ten minutes in the sun even late afternoons on a cloudy day - depending on the UV index. My family all let their kids run around without sun cream and they never burn, just go a bit red. If I didn't apply factor 50 every hour on a sunny day my DS would burn til his skin blistered but no one believes me, they all think I'm just precious. It's bizarre that some people refuse to believe that we are all different and some of us burn really quickly.

@Wombats12 under what circumstances did you burn as a child? Sorry to hear that x

@Wombats12

UV levels aren't related to how warm it is. I burn on cloudy days, even with Factor 50 on. My skin type is very fair. I was burnt horrifically as a child, just by being outside for not very long.

I'd not trust her again, particularly as she happy to have your DH burn on a regular basis.

No it depends where in the world you are, UV rays are harshest in NZ and Australia bc of hole in ozone layer but UV rays are strongest between 10 and 4, and during summer.

I've been badly burnt on cloudy days. A lot of people I know wear burn protection during winter too.

I’d take the kid to the GP on my own and report back to both DP & MIL that they were very shocked, and that I was questioned intensely about who let it happen, etc. I’d likely add that clinic nurse had been clear that it was on the edge of a reportable (to social services) situation, and absolutely unacceptable caregiving in this day and age.

I’d make sure I was given a complicated care routine for the child, that partner was forced to be involved in for several days (baths, ointments, special soft clothes, etc).

By the end of that week, you can be sure that your DP’s attitude would have changed, and he’d likely have something to say to his mum.

Tell everyone you know what happened- including that it was done on purpose and hidden behind lies. It’ll get back to her somehow. Public shame can do a lot to change attitudes and arrogance.

Poor baby, and poor you. My MIL would be lucky to get an invitation to the kid’s first communion after those shenanigans.

@JewelGarden

I can't believe there are people arguing that a baby should be able to sit on a beach in what could have been direct sunlight, beside water, without having a reapplication of sun cream that had been put on hours before and probably been rubbed off on his clothes. I'm nearly 40 and I burn really red after ten minutes in the sun even late afternoons on a cloudy day - depending on the UV index. My family all let their kids run around without sun cream and they never burn, just go a bit red. If I didn't apply factor 50 every hour on a sunny day my DS would burn til his skin blistered but no one believes me, they all think I'm just precious. It's bizarre that some people refuse to believe that we are all different and some of us burn really quickly.

@JewelGarden My mind is completely blown by some of the comments too 😳 I worry about how long some of their children would be left with no suncream on or being topped up! And ignore the idiots that think you’re being precious! Far rather “precious” with a safe child than being sorry with a burnt child!

It’s scary how ignorant some of the comments are. And people making blanket statements like “it wasn’t sunny yesterday” - yes because your experience is what everyone experiences 😂

YANBU and someone who can't respect your parenting boundaries shouldn't be allowed to care for your baby.
I was extremely badly sunburnt as a child and I am terrified of getting skin cancer. My mum has been through it several times.
You are your child's advocate and your DH needs to step up

Btw, I am in Scotland. Extremely fair skin and I went pink this week simply sweeping up rose petals from my courtyard. Maybe 25 mins max outside and I had factor 30 on.