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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For being annoyed at MIL for babies sun burn?

280 replies

HannahAD · 14/06/2021 10:59

Yesterday my MIL took my 21 month old out for the day and specifically asked for him to be wearing “beach appropriate clothes” we live in Scotland and it wasn’t sunny or warm at all when I was getting him ready so I put lightweight leggings and a T-shirt on him and popped a jacket under his pram incase it got any colder. I put sun cream on him and told her the cream was in his bag and would need to be reapplied later if he was getting out of his pram and she agreed. 3 hours later we get him back and he’s very sunburned. I asked about how it was possible when he had factor 50 on and she replied “I don’t believe in suncream as I’ve heard it can cause cancer, so I never put anymore on him ” my partner says I’m being unreasonable for being very annoyed as now my baby is sunburned, uncomfortable and I feel that is very irresponsible.

OP posts:
deathbypostitnote · 14/06/2021 14:41

As a rule of thumb going forward, I always leave children with suncream newly applied.

Looneytune253 · 14/06/2021 14:43

Surely it's pretty impossible to get badly sunburned within 3 hours when little one already had cream on and was covered over for at least part of it? Has it gone down at all OP? Are they not just a bit flushed? If she really has been so nonchalant about applying any suncream I can understand why you might think twice next time though

NellieEllie · 14/06/2021 14:43

If she doesn’t believe in using Sun cream then she should have kept him out the sun. Whatever your views on sun cream are (there was some evidence I think that the higher factor sun block can increase risk of certain conditions)- you DON’T let a child burn. Utterly unforgivable. Especially in such a young child with such delicate skin. I would be furious and very distressed.
Unless she is prepared to promise to respect your instructions for the safety of your child I would honestly find it very hard to let her look after him again for any length of time unsupervised.
Protecting children from sunburn is a fundamental part of day to day childcare. Your partner is being utterly unreasonable in not supporting you on this.

Desperatelytrying123 · 14/06/2021 14:49

YANBU Unfortunately this happened with my partner’s step mum. My baby got a blister from the sunburn and I have been in pieces ever since and can’t stop worrying about my baby’s future.

User574664 · 14/06/2021 14:50

Oh my god I would be fuming !!!!!! Silly cow. Never let her have your child alone again, and make it clear why. Stand up for yourself on this one x 🤬

KM38 · 14/06/2021 14:53

[quote PlanDeRaccordement]@Babynames2
The suncream I use lasts 6-8hrs. It only needs to be reapplied after 3hrs if you’re swimming or sweating heavily. It is definitely not very good suncream if it can’t last 3hrs.

@BorderlineHappy
I am a bit suspicious she might have taken a wipe and rubbed the suncream off too. It’s just strange to me that a child with spf50 suncream in Scotland would burn after only 3hrs. The sun isn’t as strong there as here in France....[/quote]
@PlanDeRaccordement I’m also in Scotland and have a fair skinned child. Mine definitely would have burned in less than 3 hours yesterday even with SPF 50 on. Yesterday morning started warm but overcast and cloudy and by the afternoon it was very sunny.

viques · 14/06/2021 15:07

@YukoandHiro

OP can you get a letter from the dr to give to your MIL?
Yes, do ask for this as your GP will have nothing better to do than write and print a letter telling off your MIL Biscuit
viques · 14/06/2021 15:07

Sorry, above not aimed at OP.

MintyMabel · 14/06/2021 15:11

I am very fair and burn very quickly even sometimes with cream on

Are you sure you are applying sunscreen properly?

I am also very fair skinned and will burin within minutes without protection. I've never burned with the correct cream properly applied.

starfishmummy · 14/06/2021 15:12

@HannahAD

I don’t think people are understanding that I said it wasn’t that sunny before we left. Obviously it got sunnier or he wouldn’t have burned!
It doesnt even need to be that sunny. Back in my younger days I got badly burned on a warm but overcast day
cakebythepound1234 · 14/06/2021 15:27

I'd be absolutely livid. My DD and stepmum babysat my son for a weekend when he was 2 and took him to the beach for the day. I'd packed sun cream for them, a hat etc - like me my DS is very fair. When we picked him up the Sunday afternoon he had burnt, blistered ears and his face and arms were bright red. I was so upset and angry at them. I asked what had happened, they said they'd gotten to the beach early and had pushed him around in his buggy for a couple of hours, then when they returned to the car to get the sun cream (why they didn't just bloody bring it with them straight away is beyond me) he had already burnt. And they hadn't brought with them the factor 50 nivea kids cream that I'd packed, they'd brought along an old, faded bottle dug out from the back of the bathroom cupboard. I was so angry, especially as my dad made me as a child wear t shirts at the beach and wouldn't let me out of the shade during the hotter parts of the day because I was so fair and he worried about my burning. And I was always smothered in sun cream. So it's not as if he is stupid or under estimates the sun on light skin, so I don't know how they fucked up so badly. What really annoyed me too was that we had been living in a hot , sunny country for a year at that point and not once had he gotten burnt because we'd been so vigilant. Yet one morning at the British seaside with his grandparents and he's burnt. It was a stupid mistake on their part and not intentional but it took me a while to forgive them. So I totally don't blame you for being so angry, and I wouldn't trust her with babysitting again.

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 14/06/2021 15:27

I am really hyper on sunscreen, but tbh, this isn't an issue about sunscreen.

It's about your MIL ignoring your instructions with your DC, but being extremely passive aggressive about it - rather than have a discussion, she ignores your wishes which has caused harm to your DC.

I'd definitely limit the time your DC spends with her alone for sure.

MangoBiscuit · 14/06/2021 15:33

OP, YANBU. I would be livid if MIL had done this to one of my DDs. DD2 is also very fair, like I am. We both burn to a crisp if we don't use suncream, and have to top up regularly. Even on not-that-sunny days. I've managed to get sunburnt one year, outside for 1 hour, around 8am, in April.

I would not be letting her look after my child again.

BungleandGeorge · 14/06/2021 15:33

@MintyMabel

I am very fair and burn very quickly even sometimes with cream on

Are you sure you are applying sunscreen properly?

I am also very fair skinned and will burin within minutes without protection. I've never burned with the correct cream properly applied.

If applied properly factor 50 should give you x 50 protection. So if you burn within 5 minutes that’s 4 hours for the entire day, not for each time you apply the cream. So on a day out it’s very possible to get burnt despite suncream, not to mention that it comes off when you perspire, rub your skin or clothing rubs your skin etc
Soontobe60 · 14/06/2021 15:35

What an odd thing for her to say. However, I’m surprised your baby got sunburned if you half already put factor 50 on them and they were only out of the house for 3 hours. I’d also switch brands! (was it last year’s cream?)

smellyjellycopter · 14/06/2021 15:36

I'd also be livid OP. Hope your little one is ok.

Carbara · 14/06/2021 15:38

How is it goin to work, raising a person with a boyfriend who’s thick as fuck? Will you bring doing double the work, to pick up for his gormlessness? How will he keep the child safe in future if he takes him round to his shit mother’s house? Yikes.

purplecorkheart · 14/06/2021 15:39

I would be furious and she would never be alone with my child again. I also would bet if you child had a dairy allergy etc she would still give them dairy.

dementedpixie · 14/06/2021 15:43

@ExD1938

I am thinking along the same lines as Havelock Vet - is the cream you're using left-over from last year. It should have still protected after 3hrs, even on the fairest of children.
She said it was new. She also said mil removed clothing so there would be skin with no protection at all
StevenYerTeasReady · 14/06/2021 15:45

As ever, the way to treat GPs who trample your boundaries is the three do's.

Do you love your grandchild(ren)?
Do you want a relationship with them?
Do what you're fucking told.

You're the parent, OP. Your job is to advocate for your child, not facilitate him being abused by a stupid old trout with ideas way above her station.

TrickyD · 14/06/2021 15:47

Of course the MIL was very much in the wrong.

However I am amazed that you were able to get a GP’s appointment. I would have expect one of the practice nurses to check it out.

ButItRingsAndIRise · 14/06/2021 15:58

@HannahAD Dr Sarah Jarvis was on BBC radio 2 today saying how important sun protection is and that being burnt as a child could result in skin cancer when older. Maybe get MIL to listen to it.

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000x0m3

TheWernethWife · 14/06/2021 16:03

However I am amazed that you were able to get a GP’s appointment. I would have expect one of the practice nurses to check it out

OP may find that she's seen by a practice nurse when she gets to the surgery, why try to pick holes n her statement. I always say I've got an appointment at the doctors even if I'm having blood tests with the nurse.

Nahhh · 14/06/2021 16:04

I said YABU only because you said she brought him back 3 hours later. The sunscreen you applied shouldn’t have needed topping up in that time surely?

JamieLeeBee · 14/06/2021 16:10

Glad you aren't letting her have him alone again, that's pure neglect!