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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU that neighbour is a cheeky F !

258 replies

Karmabites2591 · 14/06/2021 00:21

Named changed because completely outing If she is on here.

So we live in a terraced house with decent size gardens.
Our garden has a pool, climbing frame and tree house thing for kids.
We have fences but they are lower enough to look over etc.
We have been out every day the last week.
My kids have noticed that things haven’t been where they left them in the garden but I just assumed they just forgot etc

Anyway, I got home from work early today and the kids were still at the park and one with my sister.
When I arrived home.
The neighbours child was in our garden using the climbing frame whilst his mum was in her garden watching.

Seriously ??? Neighbour was apologetic when she realised I was annoyed but said she didn’t really see the problem as he was supervised and wasn’t doing any harm ?

OP posts:
PracticingPerson · 14/06/2021 09:58

I'd be concerned that if the child injured themselves that you would be blamed You could be if you know they are accessing and do not seek to stop it.

HerMammy · 14/06/2021 10:01

Singlenotsingle
Did the child do any damage? No
Poor child, looking sadly over the fence while your children play
There’s always one ^^
Maybe his parents could buy him some garden toys instead of expensive garden seats??

fashionablefennel · 14/06/2021 10:03

If you don't want to be forced to spend too much money, something like this camera is enough to record and have a proof.

Just leave it on the windowsill or something. It's a good temporary or cheap measure.

BiBabbles · 14/06/2021 10:06

That's a weird CF. Like yeah, not the worst, but I'd be concerned about other boundary crossing if the adult doesn't get how it could be an issue - even if you had a chain-link fence, there would be areas they can't see, and the time it would take to get over if an issue happened.

When I was little, it was where going over the back fence was pretty common and expected - most were chain-link fences, some even put little step ladders over to make it easier for kids with friends over the back or even just didn't have a back fence at all, but it was still the rules that you only went over the fence/line when the other people were out and said okay. Going over with no one to play would be odd, using them as cut throughs was frowned upon by adults even if not always well enforced. I'd find it really odd.

anon12345678901 · 14/06/2021 10:06

@Singlenotsingle

Did the child do any damage? No Poor child, looking sadly over the fence while your children play. Yes, the woman should have asked but it's not the worst crime in the world.
Then the poor childs parents need to pay for their own garden toys/equipment themselves. Not climb over a fence when the neighbour goes out. OP I'd make it crystal clear it's trespassing, a no from now on and send a recorded letter stating it. As others have said, if one of the children was to hurt themselves in your garden, it could come down to you.
MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 14/06/2021 10:09

@headintheproverbial

Interesting that she was surprised that you were annoyed yet she waited until the house was apparently empty before she put her child over!! Complete cheeky fuckery!
Indeed.

Nip over and have a picnic on their nice garden furniture, OP. I suspect you'll find the NDN is not as relaxed about boundaries as she is making out..

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 14/06/2021 10:11

I have never in my life heard of CF'ery the like of which is reported on Mumsnet.

Who are these people! Is this for real?

BrownEyedGirl80 · 14/06/2021 10:13

@Singlenotsingle are you the ndn mum? Grin

stackemhigh · 14/06/2021 10:18

Very CF behaviour. Have you told they have to stop?

TheMoreThisReachesTheMainstrea · 14/06/2021 10:22

Can you afford to get a ring doorbell for the back door?

Or a Blink camera, cheaper, faster (to view) and two year battery life

Original poster
Karmabites2591 · 14/06/2021 10:27

Hi, yesterday I didn’t really have time to process on what to do 🤣
Luckily we are moving soon so my DP is in there now dismantling everyone earlier that we anticipated and also sorting the fencing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Karmabites2591 · 14/06/2021 10:28

Oh and yes I did reply to her that she was out of order and that I didn’t accept the apology.
It was clearly thought out process not a mistake.

OP posts:
ElsieMc · 14/06/2021 10:28

I had this with nearby home owners' son kicking footballs into our garden. He had his own garden well away from ours but for some reason used the communal courtyard, smashing windows in the process.

We have a high hedge in front of a high dry stone wall. First I knew how they were accessing our garden was when I saw her putting a ladder down into our garden. Didn't bother asking politely. When I asked what the hell she was doing, she went on the defensive and said my hedge was a pain in the arse. I responded it was there because she was. She then demanded I push my way into the hedging to get the ball. I said it was a health and safety risk, as was what she was doing and I was sick of trespass. I also said that given how litigious she was, she could not enter my garden under any circumstances.

What if her child had an accident in the pool? It doesn't bear thinking about.

pinkmagnolias · 14/06/2021 10:30

It's the sneaking in when they think no one is home which is weird. And obviously neighbour felt it was wrong or they'd have openly done it without waiting for everyone to be out

This.

I’d type out a letter telling them they trespassed, asking them not to do it again, date and sign it and keep a copy of it so if it re occurs then you have some sort of proof that that they didn’t have permission. Heaven forbid anything happens to that child.

bloodyhell19 · 14/06/2021 10:30

@Singlenotsingle

Did the child do any damage? No Poor child, looking sadly over the fence while your children play. Yes, the woman should have asked but it's not the worst crime in the world.
Do bugger off @singlenotsingle - it's not about damage, it's about trespass and liability but a certain brigade on MN don't understand this (largely because it suits them not to).

Also, it's not the OP's role to provide outdoor play facilities for another person's child; if the "poor child (is) looking sadly over the fence" maybe its CF parents can take the hint and fork out for their own toys instead of waiting for OP and her family to leave their home and sneaking their kid over the fence.

CarnationCat · 14/06/2021 10:32

Wtf. That isn't on.

I was going to say don't invite the children round because the mum or children might see this as encouragement.

Looks like you won't have this issue though because you're moving. Hope your new neighbors have some respect!

Dirtyduck · 14/06/2021 10:33

In my previous property I saw a child climbing over my wall, run across the garden and climb over into next doors house to play. She was from 2 doors away so had to climb over another neighbours garden as well. I asked her not to do this (I had a dog who was startled and started barking when a strange child jumped into the garden). Child continued to do this constantly refusing to stop, even when the coping stone on the top of the wall came loose from being climbed on. The parents involved thought I was mad for being annoyed about it.

You have my sympathy OP.

YellowFish12 · 14/06/2021 10:33

What is the saying? Tall fences make for good neighbour relations?!

Gothichouse40 · 14/06/2021 10:36

Unfortunately, you have a neighbour who not only is very entitled, but definitely not to be trusted. If you can afford it, get your fencing raised. You know the posts about neighbours in Mumsnet never cease to amaze me. I would never dream about doing anything like this. The other thing that struck me is, is she not worried about her child touching strange surfaces during a Pandemic? Im not for one moment suggesting you are not clean, but surfaces can be a risk. I would not be sending my child to anyone's home I did not know well. Liberty takers and well worth the watching.

fashionablefennel · 14/06/2021 10:41

@YellowFish12

What is the saying? Tall fences make for good neighbour relations?!
very true, but with CF like this, you need closer to barbed wire and spikes than a mere fence!
Singlenotsingle · 14/06/2021 10:49

Luckily OP is moving, so end of problem.

theemmadilemma · 14/06/2021 10:58

Yes, the swing set thread.

Wasn't there a thread where someones neighbours were using their pool as well?

Absolutely cheeky fuckers. If they wouldn't hop over the fence and use it when you're home, then they clearly understand it's not fucking on!!

Original poster
Karmabites2591 · 14/06/2021 11:00

@Singlenotsingle don’t know when yet though we are still looking.

So in the mean time we are removing the stuff from garden.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/06/2021 11:01

Wow! Just the cheek of it! So glad you took her to task on it.

justanotherneighinparadise · 14/06/2021 11:03

You need to explain to her that if her child damaged themselves on your property without your knowledge or agreement it could have legal consequences. She needs to bu her child some play equipment of their own and get out of your garden.

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