I don't want drugs at my wedding

[Bridezillamaybe]

I'm getting married next year. It's been an utterly rubbish year for many many reasons and I am really looking forward to it, having people together and celebrating the future.

We are having 100 guests, approx 70 of which are mine. Ten of them are very old friends of mine, good friends that I've known as part of a larger group for twenty years. We all used to party a lot with drugs (E, amphetamines). I stopped and personally despise drugs but each to their own. They all take coke, not regularly but when there is a big gathering or occasion. The last three weddings we have been at as a group, the hen parties, the big birthdays have seen everyone spending the night doing come and me finding it all quite boring. Generally I make my own fun with whoever else is there and head off to bed when I feel like it. I haven't enjoyed the druggie weddings, nobody dances, everyone just sits shouting self obsessed drivel at each other.

The friendships are real, the meetings are not always dominated by drugs and I've plenty of other friends. No matter how much I say "I don't take drugs" they always seem to forget and keep offering. Occasionally someone takes a swipe about how i used to be fun but generally they don't pay any attention.

So this brings me to my wedding. They are 10% of the guestlist and I want them there. I was talking to a friend about the venue and she said totally serious that there would need to be a private spot for getting away and doing lines. I said I hoped that wouldn't be happening and she got very shirty with me.

I'm not sure if it's relevant but the wedding is costing us 20k, we have been saving / planning for ages. My partner would be disgusted by this behaviour. I feel as the hosts, people should respect our wishes. My friend obviously feels I am being very controlling. She says they are adults and they are also out of pocket to come to the wedding and are entitled to spend their free time as they desire.

Yabu - mind your own business and let people enjoy a party anyway they like
Yanbu - it's your wedding day, they should respect your wishes.

[MsTSwift]

Totally disagree. If you are paying for the party you can invite who you like and within reason dictate how guests behave. If the guests don’t like it they are free to decline or leave.

[Bridezillamaybe]

@Drunkenmonkey

I agree that being a bride doesn't put you in charge of everyone's behaviour. Any normal adult would be discreet if they were to take drugs at a wedding so the other guests wouldn't notice and it would have no effect on your day. If you have friends that wouldn't be discreet then don't invite them. If you have a really big problem with their drug taking, which is perfectly understandable then don't be friends with them. I don't think you can say to grown adults 'this is my day so you must do this' it isn't your day, it's everyone's day, but it is your wedding which gives you the choice about who attends, not how they behave.

I do see your point here, they are adults, I've been ok with it in the past but actually it will have an effect on my day. It will change the dynamic between me and them. I know if they came to my house for a party they wouldn't so the only reason I think they would at my wedding would be a misunderstanding that I was happy with this. So I am going to let them know it's not what I want happening. I think it will be fine.

[MsTSwift]

Plus it’s criminal behaviour at an event you are responsible for 😮😮. So there is possible liability there.

[londonscalling]

@Morgan12

I would probably leave because I don't want to be in a room with my kids/parents whilst people are sitting doing lines of coke in front of us all.

It's completely disrespectful and does affect me if my kids think it's OK to do this.

[Morgan12]

Obviously they wouldn't be doing it in front of you though. They would do it in the toilets probably. Or in a room if one of them has one.

[londonscalling]

@Morgan12

Obviously they wouldn't be doing it in front of you though. They would do it in the toilets probably. Or in a room if one of them has one.

My original comment, which you questioned me on, was that I'd leave if I saw people doing it.

Now you're saying that I wouldn't see people doing it!

[MurielSpriggs]

@MsTSwift

Plus it’s criminal behaviour at an event you are responsible for 😮😮. So there is possible liability there.

This is incorrect.

[MsTSwift]

Maybe but if you have a pillar of the community type job and it gets out there we’re drugs at your wedding it’s not great is it?

[MsTSwift]

Were

[redheadonascooter]

I think you can dictate behaviour, to a
reasonable extent at your own wedding. I trust my friends and family not to show me up in public! Drugs being one of those things where you can absolutely say 'no thank you'.

If your friends choose to snort coke at a gathering in a bar, or at someone's party where you are not the host you are free to not like it and leave (which is what I'd do).

If your friends choose to snort coke at an event where you're hosting, paying for it and you are responsible for the environment that you're asking the people - including children - that you've invited to be in then I think you can absolutely say it's a firm no. None of my friends take drugs, but I'd also be pretty disappointed if they chose to use a family event to get so blind drink that they behaved horribly, or were sick everywhere etc. Drugs are way worse than that.

[MsTSwift]

Absolutely agree. And think it’s pretty unfair and ridiculous to try to paint op as some sort of bridezilla for laying down boundaries and not allowing criminal behaviour at her own wedding 🙄🙄.

[Lovenahla]

Absolutely would not be okay with this and if they didn’t respect it they wouldn’t get invited.
People who don’t do drugs know when others are on it especially coke

[CassandrasCastle]

@londonscalling I think it's quite obvious that people wouldn't be doing lines in front of you and your kids/parents! Surely you know that's not really normal

[DdraigGoch]

[quote CassandrasCastle]@londonscalling I think it's quite obvious that people wouldn't be doing lines in front of you and your kids/parents! Surely you know that's not really normal[/quote]
People at weddings don't have sex in front of you either. That hasn't stopped posters on another thread accidentally walking in on the bride getting screwed by the best man or the groom getting intimate with another bloke in the toilets.

So if I was at a wedding where a kid accidentally walked in on a bunch of the bride's friends taking illegal drugs, I would be pretty unimpressed with the hosts and avoiding them in future. The OP is trying to avoid such a situation happening at her own wedding because she knows that such behaviour from her guests may reflect badly upon herself - particularly in the eyes of her fiancé.

[Macncheeseballs]

Is valium OK?

[Miraloma]

OP I totally get it. Even to have the cheek to ask for a special room - as if they're a bloody rock band - is diminishing your special day.

Cheeky and rude and a bit cringe really

[CassandrasCastle]

@Macncheeseballs

Is valium OK?

I took it as a bride...

[Skysblue]

Send them a message saying ‘someone has asked if there will be a private space at the wedding to take drugs, so I wanted to explain that this is a drug free wedding, this is very important to both me and DP. I do hope you’ll choose to come and enjoy the day with us anyway, but if anyone doesn’t feel able to enjoy the event without drugs then I’d be grateful if they could just decline the invitation, to avoid us having arguments at the party on my wedding day which would obviously suck.’

People manage alcohol free weddings meat free weddings child free weddings YABVVVR to want a wedding free of illegal substance abuse.

[TolkiensFallow]

@Skysblue I honestly think you’ve hit the nail on the head with this one. OP this is exactly how you should phrase it!