I don't want drugs at my wedding

[Bridezillamaybe]

I'm getting married next year. It's been an utterly rubbish year for many many reasons and I am really looking forward to it, having people together and celebrating the future.

We are having 100 guests, approx 70 of which are mine. Ten of them are very old friends of mine, good friends that I've known as part of a larger group for twenty years. We all used to party a lot with drugs (E, amphetamines). I stopped and personally despise drugs but each to their own. They all take coke, not regularly but when there is a big gathering or occasion. The last three weddings we have been at as a group, the hen parties, the big birthdays have seen everyone spending the night doing come and me finding it all quite boring. Generally I make my own fun with whoever else is there and head off to bed when I feel like it. I haven't enjoyed the druggie weddings, nobody dances, everyone just sits shouting self obsessed drivel at each other.

The friendships are real, the meetings are not always dominated by drugs and I've plenty of other friends. No matter how much I say "I don't take drugs" they always seem to forget and keep offering. Occasionally someone takes a swipe about how i used to be fun but generally they don't pay any attention.

So this brings me to my wedding. They are 10% of the guestlist and I want them there. I was talking to a friend about the venue and she said totally serious that there would need to be a private spot for getting away and doing lines. I said I hoped that wouldn't be happening and she got very shirty with me.

I'm not sure if it's relevant but the wedding is costing us 20k, we have been saving / planning for ages. My partner would be disgusted by this behaviour. I feel as the hosts, people should respect our wishes. My friend obviously feels I am being very controlling. She says they are adults and they are also out of pocket to come to the wedding and are entitled to spend their free time as they desire.

Yabu - mind your own business and let people enjoy a party anyway they like
Yanbu - it's your wedding day, they should respect your wishes.

[CassandrasCastle]

Around what though? I doubt they'd force you and your kids to watch them doing lines

[Quaggars]

Around drug taking, I thought that was pretty self explanatory.

[Morgan12]

@Quaggars

Around drug taking, I thought that was pretty self explanatory.

Can you please explain why?
What do you think would happen?

[DdraigGoch]

Frankly I just do not wish to associate with such people.

[BeachSunsets]

Drugs at a wedding is a big no. It’s your wedding and they should respect your wishes.

[CassandrasCastle]

@DdraigGoch

Frankly I just do not wish to associate with such people.

I am reading this aloud in my head in a brilliant voice 🙊

[billy1966]

OP,
I don't think you have to be apologetic here at all.

The truth is that a LOT of guests would be appalled if they were to get the impression that because of the vibe from some people, drugs were being taken.

This is a family occasion, with people of all ages.

I am open minded, live and let live ....away from me and my life.

I would be appalled if I was at a wedding and drugs were being taken.

This is about respect for your husband to be and both familys, relatives and friends.

I mean it kindly, but you need to grow up and find a better class of friend.

Only the absolute dregs would behave as your friend has.

[MrsDThomas]

If you despise drugs that much, why are you bothering with these tramps?

I wouldn’t associate myself with them.

Uninvite and ditch them.

[MrsDThomas]

@DifferentHair

I don't do drugs but I have friends who dabble in cocaine. They did some at our wedding and everyone had a good time.

We had a very expensive wedding in a fancy venue, no one noticed the cocaine, I think they found a quiet spot

So they had to have drugs to have a great time at your very expensive wedding in a fancy place? Wow, they must be a tough crowd to please if the expensive fancy place wasn’t enough.

[whynotwhatknot]

So these wonderful friends took drugs to another country and you think theyre a good bunch?

its bloody insane they wold do this let alone doing it at weddings-you could have been in so much trouble do you think they wouldnt have thrown you in jail aswell

[frg124]

I think you sound a lovely friend and I can understand that this group are good mates so you want them there.

But it's your wedding and it's absolutely your prerogative to say you don't want drug taking at your wedding. The private room request is utterly outrageous. I'm sure there will be enough entertainment and nice food laid on over the two days (plus alcohol) to ensure they have a good time without the drugs. You are right to put your foot down and good friends would not make you feel bad for this.

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

They were all laughing at me and my shocked reaction to them smuggling internally though the airport

What a shame it wasn't Thailand - and that they didn't get caught

[Bridezillamaybe]

@whynotwhatknot

So these wonderful friends took drugs to another country and you think theyre a good bunch?

its bloody insane they wold do this let alone doing it at weddings-you could have been in so much trouble do you think they wouldnt have thrown you in jail aswell

I thought this was completely insane myself but I don't know why I would have gotten in any trouble - I booked my ticket independently, was oblivious to me and had nothing on me.

[Pl242]

OP it sounds like your main issues on this are how other guests may react to it (if they notice) and more crucially for you, that you don’t want your wedding to be dominated by a coke vibe. I completely get that. I’ve been around people on coke and it’s so bloody boring. Given that you say you’ve had lots of good times with these friends which haven’t featured drugs, can’t you lean on that and just say that’s the vibe you want them to be a part of? I think that, plus calling out the fact that a number of your guests would not be at all comfortable with any drugs taking should hopefully be enough to make the point and get them on board. If they can’t get behind that then obviously then can stay away. Of course you’d still have the risk that they’d do it anyway. Only you can make a judgment of whether you’d prefer to take that risk or take the possibly less appealing friendship limiting approach of not inviting them.

Either way I hope you get the wedding you want!

[Quaggars]

Completely missed the drugs to another country - WTAF, just why, why would you be around them lol?!
I\d be absolutely FUMING if my so called mates did that on a trip I was away with them!!
Yes, you booked your ticket independently, fair enough, but if you're in a group with them, sorry, but are you naive in thinking you wouldn't be pulled up too?!
You're just beyond lucky!
Just no.
Jeez.

[Quaggars]

They were all laughing at me and my shocked reaction to them smuggling internally though the airport


They're absolute dickheads.
Not mates.
Ditch.

[DifferentHair]

@MrsDThomas so by your logic weddings aren't any good if people have consumed champagne during them? Surely if the wedding itself was fun they wouldn't need alcohol to enjoy themselves.

Nonsense.

Being a bride doesn't mean you get to dictate to hundreds of grown adults how to behave. Take people as they are, or don't.

[Quaggars]

@DifferentHair There's a world of difference between illegal drug taking and drinking alcohol.
Surely you know that

[DdraigGoch]

[quote DifferentHair]@MrsDThomas so by your logic weddings aren't any good if people have consumed champagne during them? Surely if the wedding itself was fun they wouldn't need alcohol to enjoy themselves.

Nonsense.

Being a bride doesn't mean you get to dictate to hundreds of grown adults how to behave. Take people as they are, or don't.
[/quote]
It's hardly unreasonable to expect one's guests to obey the law.

[DifferentHair]

@Quaggars @DdraigGoch

If she accepts them as they are the rest of the time, why is she hopping on her high horse for her wedding?

If she hates the fact they're doing something illegal so much, she shouldn't be friends with them.

Being a bride doesn't suddenly put you in charge of everyone's behaviour.

[me4real]

To give you my feelings, which could be the same as some of your guests; If I was at a wedding and saw people doing lines then I'd probably leave.

Jeezo why? It literally would not affect you in the slightest.

@Morgan12 Cos it's repulsive. IDK if I would leave, but I'd be a bit turned off the event; and the organizers unless I found out that sort of thing definitely isn't their cup of tea.

If she accepts them as they are the rest of the time, why is she hopping on her high horse for her wedding?

It's about an appropriate context. With relatives etc around it's really not ok.

Being a bride doesn't suddenly put you in charge of everyone's behaviour.

It's the Bride and Groom's day. And they have the other loved ones and guests to think of, too.

[Quaggars]

If she accepts them as they are the rest of the time, why is she hopping on her high horse for her wedding?

It's her wedding.
She has every right to say no, hang on, I don't want that at my wedding.
Especially as there's probably a massive shift in dynamics if she's been doing it socially with them years ago, but now, getting married, DH not on board, and also lots of family on whatever side to contend with probably thinking fuck that if they see it.

[Quaggars]

It's about an appropriate context. With relatives etc around it's really not ok.

exactly

[MrsDThomas]

There’s a huge fucking difference between something that is legal snd illegal.

I certainly wouldn’t turn a blind eye to a “friend” stuffing shit up their nose at my wedding. I have more moral than a few people who think its ok.

[Drunkenmonkey]

I agree that being a bride doesn't put you in charge of everyone's behaviour. Any normal adult would be discreet if they were to take drugs at a wedding so the other guests wouldn't notice and it would have no effect on your day. If you have friends that wouldn't be discreet then don't invite them. If you have a really big problem with their drug taking, which is perfectly understandable then don't be friends with them. I don't think you can say to grown adults 'this is my day so you must do this' it isn't your day, it's everyone's day, but it is your wedding which gives you the choice about who attends, not how they behave.