Is it me or DH?

[Icantstopeatinglol]

DS13 loves his computer games but always finds it hard to turn off if he’s in the middle of the game. DH does most the cooking and has started saying if DS doesn’t come straight down for food then he’s throwing it in the bin. I try ink it’s harsh and if DS food is cold then that’s his problem. DS is a good kid and has struggled with friends for ages and now has a good group of friends which he’s happy about. I understand both sides but thinking throwing it in the bin is too far.

DS needs to be coming down immediately when he's asked to. DH is probably sick to the back teeth of him not coming down when asked and his hard work going to waste because the dinner is cold and gross by the time DS eats it - it's basic decency and respect. I agree with you that throwing it away regularly is wasteful or if DS had a good reason to be late to dinner (stuck in traffic or something?!) but perhaps going hungry once might teach him to be more respectful in future.
What have you tried so far to get DS to be more respectful on this issue?

I hate food waste, but agree with DH as long as he/both of you has/ve spoken to DS already about your expectations.

Why doesn't DS get involved with cooking/laying the table?

Can you give DS a set time each evening when he knows he has to be downstairs?

Turning off the WiFi would have the same effect without the food waste.

DH is saying if he’s not down in 15 mins then it’s going in the bin. He doesn’t always do this but it is quite often.

I’m inclined to agree with your DH.

Can you try giving him a time limit, for example I would stay, I’m starting tea now, it takes x time to cook, bare that in mind when starting a new game, then I shout a 10 minute warning.

My husband is the same about them not coming straight to the table (even when I’ve cooked and not him!).

I agree with your DH too 😳

I also agree with your dh

15 minutes ?! I'd give him 15 seconds! (5 mins. max.)

Is it normal in your family to keep each other waiting/ignore each other, or is this an isolated issue? I am wondering how it's got to the point where DS is more than a quarter of an hour late to meals, often, because of gaming. I'm with your DH despite loathing food waste.

#teamDH

@Icantstopeatinglol

DH is saying if he’s not down in 15 mins then it’s going in the bin. He doesn’t always do this but it is quite often.

That's completely and totally reasonable. I'm not waiting for more than 15 minutes for a child to grace me with their presence and eat the meal I've cooked for them. You don't have a DH problem, you have a DS problem - and it sounds like DH might start having a you problem if you don't start supporting him.

Your DS is being completely disrespectful.
Pause the game and eat!

Actually does your ds not need respect also? He has found something that is important to him. Vital for his friendships and 'fitting in' at his age... Mid game is hardly fair. Ds pauses his but some games can't be paused...

I'm afraid I agree with your dh, your dc should come down for his tea. If he finds his tea in the bin he's more likely t o come down at the right time, it's just plain rude not to come down when asked if someone else has cooked tea

Throwing it in the bin is ridiculous and petty. You're obviously not going to let a teenage boy go hungry (and nor should you)so he'll just eat something less healthy. It sets a really bad example to DS too. That said DS should be warned when dinner is almost ready then he really should be coming down within a minute or two. 15 minutes is too long. If he doesn't come down then he can't go on his computer tomorrow.

Food waste is awful but DS is in the wrong. I would give him plenty of warning then say every minute he's late for dinner is a day hes banned from gaming. Bet that would make him come down on time

@30degreesandmeltinghere

Actually does your ds not need respect also? He has found something that is important to him. Vital for his friendships and 'fitting in' at his age... Mid game is hardly fair. Ds pauses his but some games can't be paused...

Are you DS?! It is not "vital for his friendships" to not stop playing when he's asked to and given more than sufficient warning to leave. Teens have parents - they all understand that you need to step out of a game when you told to - that's why "AFK" exists. If his friends will stop being his friends because he's behaving how any teen is expected to behave then they aren't actually friends with him at all.

@Keepingitreal14

Can you try giving him a time limit, for example I would stay, I’m starting tea now, it takes x time to cook, bare that in mind when starting a new game, then I shout a 10 minute warning.

My husband is the same about them not coming straight to the table (even when I’ve cooked and not him!).

I think this is good advice. Maybe a good consequence instead of wasting dinner would be the next day that he was not allowed to play until after dinner if he can't come down? It is very rude of your DS, I can understand your DHs frustration

I am with your h that's incredibly rude.

I dont know how game timings work but I expect my family at the table straightaway when I cook.

In our house if someone is cooking for you they give you a time and you be there, so we may say dinner will be 30 minutes (or longer) that gives everyone time to finish what they are doing or not start something they can’t leave. Exceptions are ok but not regular lateness.

Could your DS not do this if he knows when dinner will be?. I’m not a gamer but still remember not liking going for for my tea when I was playing out having fun when I was little.

Can you try having a set meal time. Then he knows not to start anything that could run into this.

Never would have happened in my house - mum would ring the bell and we’d all stampede to the table. I’d prob eat his rather than waste it but certainly wouldn’t be letting it go.

During lockdown and the past year my ds 17 has been stuck home. Contact with friends via gaming.. Play together in competitions and with others.. Hardly able to drop his controller and come down for tea. I respect him
..
He isn't in a detention centre with a bell for meal times. We hang on and eat together. A few mins won't harm.
And I am well versed in teens.
Better than a stroppy dc at the table. Your dh is making a battle out of mealtimes and risking a decent relationship with your dc...
Imo.

I expect mine to come down got dinner when called.
They can start a new bloody game when they've finished. It's not as though they only have 1 match a night

As a gamer, I'm with your DH on this one. Don't know if I agree with throwing it in the bin, but I can absolutely understand him wanting DS to join you. Games can be paused.

15 mins! I think your DH is being more than reasonable. Not sure why you’re pandering to your son in this way.