Is it me or DH?

[Icantstopeatinglol]

DS13 loves his computer games but always finds it hard to turn off if he’s in the middle of the game. DH does most the cooking and has started saying if DS doesn’t come straight down for food then he’s throwing it in the bin. I try ink it’s harsh and if DS food is cold then that’s his problem. DS is a good kid and has struggled with friends for ages and now has a good group of friends which he’s happy about. I understand both sides but thinking throwing it in the bin is too far.

@Queenoftheashes

Never would have happened in my house - mum would ring the bell and we’d all stampede to the table. I’d prob eat his rather than waste it but certainly wouldn’t be letting it go.

I had three older brothers - I'd starve if I weren't there fighting for my share.

I agree with your DH.

I would think you'd want to teach your child to be respectful and appreciative. Tell him to get off his arse and get to the table, FFS. Why are you allowing a child to behave this way? I'd be getting rid of his tech sharpish if he doesn't shape up.

How about agreeing that you or DH will tell DS when you start cooking and give an ETA on dinner so that he can judge whether to start a new game or not? Also make it clear you expect him to be down immediately.

It's really frustrating when you cook and people don't come to eat when it's ready, so I'm with your DH

I’m sorry but your son needs to come down, it’s incredibly rude to have someone cook for you and you sit playing your game. 15 mins is too long, he should have five

You need to teach your son some manners on this,

Yanbu your dh is right,don't undermine him.
Unless this is a reverse.

Threatening to bin dinner sets it up as a conflict, which isn't helpful. I would sit down with DS and have a chat about the fact that it is respectful to come straight away when someone has made the effort to prepare a meal. Get him to suggest some ways that he could be ready to come down straight away, and pick one that he will try. And agree together what the consequence will be if he doesn't stick to it (eg extra chores, or temporary loss of console).

15 mins! I thought you were going to say 3 min. YABU, DS is being totally disrespectful

That's just a waste of good food

15 minutes is more than generous! I’d give ds a warning call first to say dinner ready at 6pm so he’s had fair warning. I expect dc to come when called unless there’s a bloody good excuse.

15 mins leeway is too generous. Warn DS 10 minutes before serving up and then expect him down more or less immediately.

I mostly cook in our house.
When it’s ready I shout to tell everybody.
When they eat it is entirely up to them.
They either come down straight away and eat it while it’s hot or they come down later and eat it when it’s cold.
No skin off my nose which they do.

I’m stunned you think coming straight down is fifteen mins later.

You need to back your husband up here. Your son is behaving really rudely.

I dont think it is an appropriate punishment at all. If he is gaming and gaming stops him following reasonable instructions, he should lose the game for a specific amount of time. Not his food. Feeding children is basic parenting.

I think they're both wrong and I can't understand how this could happen more than once. I wouldn't tolerate your son's behaviour from my DD but I wouldn't let DH bin her dinner either. I think that's unacceptable as a punishment.

Quite frankly, while I also want my son to have dinner with everyone else, I struggle to understand the reason to bin his or any food.
He just eats later, cold food or that he may have to reheat.

My advice is to tell him to finish all gaming at about the time you start cooking, so that he has time to finish.

And, by the way, my teen is a good one who gives me very few complaints. He hasn't been spoiled, and we have a good relationship.

15 minutes is v reasonable. We used to give in to 'just got to finish this game'- until we realised the game NEVER ends. Ds is 12 and knows that '5 minutes until tea' means a resigned:"bye guys, got to go afk".

Going to the toilet JUST as tea is served is another matter though....

I do actually think it's a petty power struggle between the two of them. And DH has gone and got himself sucked into it.

Let me guess, does DS actually come down any earlier after his dinner started getting launched in the bin? I'm thinking not if it's still happening.

Make him cook a meal once a week.

If my kid didnt come for their meal as soon as they were called because they were too busy on their console, then the console would be gone.

I’m with DH too. Basic good manners to come and eat food cooked for you.

I think throwing the food in the bin because your DS hasn’t come down is utter nonsense. What does that actually do? Your DH cooked the foods, gets upset, and then throws it in the bin? Your DS is still playing the game regardless so what is the consequence really? Your DH is being unreasonable for throwing good food in the bin when it can likely be saved for the next day. Get that he’s frustrated but he definitely going about it the wrong way.

Try involving your DS into making dinner and having him play afterwards. He’s at a great age to learn how to cook and be involved in the process in some way. By doing so, he could see why his dad gets upset when he doesn’t come down for dinner and he could eventually be able to cook for himself and/or even the family.

15 minutes?! I’m inclined to agree with your DH. Do you wait for your son? Do you start without him? Newsflash: computer games aren’t that important