Is it me or DH?

[Icantstopeatinglol]

DS13 loves his computer games but always finds it hard to turn off if he’s in the middle of the game. DH does most the cooking and has started saying if DS doesn’t come straight down for food then he’s throwing it in the bin. I try ink it’s harsh and if DS food is cold then that’s his problem. DS is a good kid and has struggled with friends for ages and now has a good group of friends which he’s happy about. I understand both sides but thinking throwing it in the bin is too far.

Tell your dh that mumsnet think he should turn off the router rather than throw the food away.

I'm coming at this from another angle. Give DS a 'heads up' that DH is starting dinner and it will be ready in X mins. Tell him not to start a new game once current one is over. That will teach both of them some 'respect the individual' skills and also your DS will learn self control (not beginning a new game while dinner in progress).

15 mins! If your son isn't down in 15 mins then that's piss taking anyway! 15 mins his dinner would be cold. I see where your DH is coming from. Your son needs to learn to come down for dinner when asked. It's rude to not come down straight away. I thought you were going to say he wanted to bin it if he wasn't down in 30 secs or something. 15 mins is too long. I'd say within 5 max, but really should be down within 1 mins anyway.

@RedHelenB

Tell your dh that mumsnet think he should turn off the router rather than throw the food away.

Which is godawful advice

I really disagree with your Dh...a hungry teen is a really bad idea...and have been /am going through the same phase ..we are trying a 10min warning...so don't start a new game ..a 5 min warning so get ready to finish your game and a dinners on the table.....often we are pre-empting the time...

These games are often played in pairs/teams and it is not possible to just pause..and he will become very unpopular if he keeps letting his team down..

We have agreed with our young people that if they want to start a game after 5:30 they check in first to make sure it won’t clash with dinner. That repeats with each subsequent game until dinner that day.

The onus is on them to check before committing to a group game. That is respectful of the family, of whoever is making the food and of their peers online.

So how come your DD can manage to come down on time but not your DS?

I think if you're not even eating together it really doesn't matter when he collects his food.
I also think he should be told that dinner is being prepared and it'll be ready in 45minutes.

I don't really agree with the idea that teenagers should eat what they're told, when they're told. Why should he be hungry when his dad is.

I can't believe the replies on here. So what if he doesn't drop his game straight away Give him some slack for gods sake. Have you ever heard of a microwave ? Why can't you just leave it for him and he can warm it up later. Pick your battles. Believe me there's loads more of them to come !

@squiglet111

15 mins! If your son isn't down in 15 mins then that's piss taking anyway! 15 mins his dinner would be cold. I see where your DH is coming from. Your son needs to learn to come down for dinner when asked. It's rude to not come down straight away. I thought you were going to say he wanted to bin it if he wasn't down in 30 secs or something. 15 mins is too long. I'd say within 5 max, but really should be down within 1 mins anyway.

Ridiculous !

Evil mother alert:

I switch off the electricity if mine take too long. 15 mins is way too long.

Sorry but I'm with your DH all the way. I'm absolutely fed up of having a meal ready and DSS taking so long to come down that his is cold (despite me telling him how long it would take to cook when I start, giving a 10 minute warning, AND shouting him a few minutes before it's actually ready to give him a bit of leeway).

They need to learn that their game is not the most important thing in their lives.

I try not to get worked up about it anymore, but it can be annoying when I've spent such a long time cooking a meal for him to a) let it go cold and then b) absolutely bolt it down in record time, not even say thank you, and then rush back up to his game again.

Ridiculous.

I went on a parenting course once which did a video of a boss speaking to his staff member in the way parents speak to kids. One of the key things was the boss interrupting the staff member when they were half way through something and telling them to stop and how the staff member felt about it. It was very powerful.
Your husband needs to consider if he was asked to stop half way through something that he then could not go back to finish how would he feel. Like almost finishing a jigsaw puzzle and then something destroying it. Or watching a great movie and just before the ending you get a power black out.
Your son’s games might seem insignificant to your husband but to your son his relationship with his friends are likely to be a big part of his world. The game makers are clever - you can lose benefits leaving without finishing a game - his friends in a game could be disadvantaged by him leaving suddenly - it might affect their decision to play with him again if he regularly ditches when they need him as they will see him as unreliable.
But the solution is very simple. Find out from your so what is the longest game time he might be in. It’s usually around 15mins. So 15mins before dinner is ready your husband tells your son dinners in 15mins and he can’t start any new games. It really is that simple and works well with me son.

@NeedNewKnees

We have agreed with our young people that if they want to start a game after 5:30 they check in first to make sure it won’t clash with dinner. That repeats with each subsequent game until dinner that day.

The onus is on them to check before committing to a group game. That is respectful of the family, of whoever is making the food and of their peers online.

Perfect.

Respect goes both ways. We are all gamers. If you know nothing that's fine but the following statements are all true

Not all games can be paused.
Jumping out of an online game that's in progress can screw over your friends.
Match times of things like Fortnite vary hugely.

Because of this we tell the kids when we start cooking and give them a rough time frame. They are then expected to choose what they play accordingly so they can come when called and we eat together.

It's worked so far with very few issues. If they drag things out then the next day they can't game after we've started making food.