Is it me or DH?

[Icantstopeatinglol]

DS13 loves his computer games but always finds it hard to turn off if he’s in the middle of the game. DH does most the cooking and has started saying if DS doesn’t come straight down for food then he’s throwing it in the bin. I try ink it’s harsh and if DS food is cold then that’s his problem. DS is a good kid and has struggled with friends for ages and now has a good group of friends which he’s happy about. I understand both sides but thinking throwing it in the bin is too far.

I'm with your DH! We've never threatened to throw food in the bin though as our DS knows better than to continue playing once he's been told to stop. He stops or it gets turned off for him.

My last in game event took 90 minutes. My whole alliance was involved and I wouldn't have left them for dinner. We needed all hands on deck

15 minutes notice is not enough.

I don't think it's unreasonable for DH to tell Ds that today dinner will be at 7 with more than 15 minutes notice. Cuts drama down for everyone

Sorry I am with your DH on this one. 15 mins is way more than enough time for your DS to wrap up or pause his game. It’s about DS respecting the fact that someone has made his dinner so he needs to make the effort to come down within a reasonable time frame.

15 minutes is not enough time

Sorry I am with your DH on this one. 15 mins is way more than enough time for your DS to wrap up or pause his game. It’s about DS respecting the fact that someone has made his dinner so he needs to make the effort to come down within a reasonable time frame.
It completely depends on the game. My preferred game takes 20 mins and is played in small teams, so one person quitting ruins it for everyone.

And it could be very easily avoided by DH telling DS "I'm about to start to cooking, food will be ready at about X o'clock", then everyone's happy.

Unfortunately, it sounds like DH would rather give zero notice, throw a daily hissy fit and waste food.

At first I was thinking your DH was right. But actually 15 minutes warning at any point between 6 and 9 is pretty disruptive if you like doing things that need a long span of uninterrupted time. Your DS is put in a position where he can't effectively manage his time because he isn't given enough information.

And if he's just taking the food up to his room rather than eating with the rest of you then your DH's desire for him to come straightaway seems to be controlling and pointless.

Can your DS cook for himself instead? Then he can develop life skills, fit it into his gaming and your DH has no need to be annoyed.

Even if there was nothing resembling at set start time for dinner, you didn't bother to tell your children when dinner would be, and they were in the middle of something else?

Where did you get the idea that I wouldn't give the kids a rough idea of when dinner would be?

You don't sound that lenient...

Anyone who knew me would laugh at that

15 mins is hugely generous and presumably DS can hear DH clanking around in the kitchen beforehand so it surely can't be a surprise?

I'm with DH. I cannot stand cooking a meal that then goes cold as I wait for family members to bother to turn up, it's the height of disrespect. It also leads your DS into bad habits in terms of family expectations which he'll take into any relationships he has in future. Don't make him into the arsehole partner who sits on games all day rather than contributing to the household dynamic

Thanks for the replies. I think communication is the key thing here and the lack of routine. With the whole lockdown situation and the issues DS has had with friends it’s been lovely to hear him laughing online with friends. Last thing I want to do is cause problems there by making him turn off mid game and annoying his mates and ruining his game. I think we need to start giving him some warning foods being made so he knows not to start a new game. If he does do that then he will need to turn off and that’s on him. DH has a tendency to lay down the law quite harshly and I feel like he goes from chilled to pissed off in a click of a finger which stresses everyone out.

With warnings DS should be able to turn up on time.
But if he has earphones on can he hear someone shouting up to him.
Can you arrange a way of giving him 10 minute warning - not DH running upstairs, maybe baby alarm or something - then he has to come down.

Where did you get the idea that I wouldn't give the kids a rough idea of when dinner would be?
Because you strongly sided with DH, and the OP says that DH doesnt give a rough idea- he just announces when food is ready, some time between 6pm ans 9pm, and gets angry if DS isnt there promptly.

That’s another problem. He has noise cancelling headphones but we do tell DD to let him know when she’s coming down to tell him.

That’s another problem. He has noise cancelling headphones but we do tell DD to let him know when she’s coming down to tell him.
If he isnt even able to hear when food is ready, you could either send a text or just ask him not to wear noise cancelling headphones until after food.

I'd be more concerned you don't eat together.

Give him warning of dinners ETA and expect him at the table ready to eat.

I'm on the side of your son. Let him have his food later, it is not the end of the world.
You can't pause live or online games anyway, and it is very inconvenient to break off games with friends.

He needs to come down when asked. Give him a warning though.

You should sit together.

He should be getting involved with dinner at his age - laying the table or helping clear up afterwards.

You're not helping him by just letting him play endless games.

Where did you get the idea that I wouldn't give the kids a rough idea of when dinner would be?

Because you strongly sided with DH, and the OP says that DH doesnt give a rough idea- he just announces when food is ready, some time between 6pm ans 9pm, and gets angry if DS isnt there promptly.

Ah. I didn't notice that. Yeah, agree that some indication should be given. We always gave kids a rough idea (say round about 6 but might end up.being quarter past 6)

Who cleans up after dinner? At 13 he should be involved.

No wonder we have a generation of lazy teens if they pick up their dinner, eat in front of a game, then get tidied up after.

@Nothingyet

I'm on the side of your son. Let him have his food later, it is not the end of the world. You can't pause live or online games anyway, and it is very inconvenient to break off games with friends.

Surely all of those friends will be eating dinner as well at some point in the evening?

@Icantstopeatinglol

DH is saying if he’s not down in 15 mins then it’s going in the bin. He doesn’t always do this but it is quite often.

😲😲😲

How have you got to the stage where he thinks 15mins is ok?

I expect people to be at the table when food is served, bar a couple of minutes for handwashing if no 5min warning given.

@HercwasanEnemyofEducation

Who cleans up after dinner? At 13 he should be involved.

No wonder we have a generation of lazy teens if they pick up their dinner, eat in front of a game, then get tidied up after.

The partners of this generation of teenaged boys are at least going to keep mumsnet (or at least AIBU) busy in future years. Both with complaints about how their partners do nothing around the house and prioritise their hobbies, and how their MILs have spoiled them.

@CrazyNeighbour

"I'm on the side of your son. Let him have his food later , it is not the end of the world."...

You think the father should pipe down and have his dinner ready at the teenager’s preferred time? Are you on glue?

I think some reading skills are in order before you start insulting pps. It's just embarrassing for you.

Surely all of those friends will be eating dinner as well at some point in the evening?
Yes, but the friends probably have sensible parents who tell their children 'food will be ready in 15 mins', or have something vaguely resembling a set meal time.