Page 13 | caught friends husband with another women..

Lora918 · 2021-06-12T16:23:42+00:00

I feel terrible and just want to share. My friend (actually DH's friend, I met her and her husband through him) has been speaking about problems in her marriage for the past 2 years - she speaks about the lack of attention her husband shows and that he is always away. Today DH and I went out to eat. We saw friends husband with a young girl. He was shocked to see us as shocked as I was. I went and sat away and saw them leave hurriedly. Then DH (he is his friend too) said that they know about this and that its not their place to say anything other than tell him what he is doing is disgusting. I feel terrible. I have the worst headache all day and just feel horrid. Friend called said she wanted to meet up on Monday I had to make an excuse because I just cant bring myself to talk to her.

Mooloolabababy · 14/06/2021 18:49

@Bluntness100 well it's looking like most people think it was the right think to do. I'd rather a friend, with whom I'd previously confided in about the difficulties in my marriage, tell me if she knew about an affair than keep quiet. I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on what constitutes a good friend 🤷‍♀️

Original poster

Lora918 · 14/06/2021 19:49

Hi everyone,

Cheats wife has shared a huge bouquet of flowers with a nice necklace in box and a post which I translated online to 'no matter how bad the waves, the seagull doesn't give up on the ocean he loves'

It seems she knows and believes me but she is going to continue playing happy families 🤷

I still can't see any of her posts. Cheat called my husband I didn't hear the conversation but heard DHs response. Seems cheat told him something about me which DH replied with I wouldn't do that but she did the right thing. You can't expect her to sit quiet after what she saw.

Cheat said something and DH said no friendship would have been ruined already as (me) wouldn't have been comfortable meeting you two and pretending she didn't know.

And cheat said something else with DH replying that everyone needs time for now.

DH has made it clear he will support me and that I did the right thing but that he wouldn't distance himself from group as they are 'family' he said he wouldn't be joining them on groups with partners involved as he isn't going to let me be left out but he will continue keeping in contact with them.

I know what I did was right too and I am glad I told her.

OP posts:

EssentialHummus · 14/06/2021 19:58

Lord, what an update. You did the right thing OP, imo. This is with the wife now. She can find a backbone, start making plans to leave etc, or she can swallow what she's learnt and wear the pretty necklace. Up to her now.

BlueDaises · 14/06/2021 20:02

DH has made it clear he will support me and that I did the right thing but that he wouldn't distance himself from group as they are 'family' he said he wouldn't be joining them on groups with partners involved as he isn't going to let me be left out but he will continue keeping in contact with them.

This is bad.

BlueDaises · 14/06/2021 20:02

Cheats wife has shared a huge bouquet of flowers with a nice necklace in box and a post which I translated online to 'no matter how bad the waves, the seagull doesn't give up on the ocean he loves'

She sounds like a right Knob 🤣

Original poster

Lora918 · 14/06/2021 20:05

@BlueDaises

Cheats wife has shared a huge bouquet of flowers with a nice necklace in box and a post which I translated online to 'no matter how bad the waves, the seagull doesn't give up on the ocean he loves'

She sounds like a right Knob 🤣

I feel very bad for her but this made me giggle 😂😂😂

OP posts:

Mooloolabababy · 14/06/2021 20:05

@BlueDaises

DH has made it clear he will support me and that I did the right thing but that he wouldn't distance himself from group as they are 'family' he said he wouldn't be joining them on groups with partners involved as he isn't going to let me be left out but he will continue keeping in contact with them.

This is bad.

Yeah I have to agree. Not sure how I'd feel if my dh still wanted a friendship with people who were happy to ostracise me for doing the right thing

paniniswapx3 · 14/06/2021 20:09

You did the right thing Op but I also agree that it's not nice that your DH is happy to continue being friends with people who are looking to ostracise and exclude you. He should be nipping that behaviour in the bud - anything less and it doesn't bode well for your own relationship sadly IMHO.

Musntgrumble2021 · 14/06/2021 20:15

Well done OP. So hard to do the right thing here but you showed courage, compassion, integrity and honesty. You should feel really proud. I don’t know how I would have responded but I hope I would do the same. I’m glad your DH is standing by you.

FWIW, I think that the others in the group are feeling shame and so are avoiding that really, not you. They know they behaved with a lack of integrity and can’t face up to it. Cheat’s wife can’t face the humiliation and that’s why she is avoiding you. You represent their failings because you did the right thing. In time it may change.
Well done though. Impressive! We need more people like you in this world.

LouHotel · 14/06/2021 20:31

Ugh I had the connotations of a necklace as a gift, got the mrs a collar so everyone can see she’s kept.

This is poor of your DH op - how exactly will you know if partners are there or not. Even if there not there will he cut off any sniping of you or agree with them because your not in earshot.

Are you not family?

tensmum1964 · 14/06/2021 20:45

Wow so not only is she prepared to ignore his affair she announces on facebook that she is a willing doormat. That is actually quite sad but it sounds like you are well rid of the group. Shame your husband doesn't feel able to remove himself from them. From your posts it obvious that she isn't English, is your husband from the same culture? Just wondered if there was a cultural element to the situation.

MollFlanders2020 · 14/06/2021 20:50

Cheats wife has shared a huge bouquet of flowers with a nice necklace in box and a post which I translated online to 'no matter how bad the waves, the seagull doesn't give up on the ocean he loves'

Did Google translate omit a crucial word?

“... the seagull doesn’t give up shitting on the ocean he loves.”

Were you translating French by any chance? Eric Cantona once said something cryptic about seagulls which must’ve been lost in translation!

You did the right thing OP. Nuts to the lot of them.

SquashMinusIsShit · 14/06/2021 21:04

Cheats wife has shared a huge bouquet of flowers with a nice necklace in box and a post which I translated online to 'no matter how bad the waves, the seagull doesn't give up on the ocean he loves'

Is it American basketball players who buy their wives massive rings when they cheat?! I think it's a classic go-to move when they've been caught dipping their wick elsewhere.

Lollypop701 · 14/06/2021 21:17

I think the wife pretty much knew. She knew you didn’t op so used you to moan to. When you found out she felt like an idiot… she probably expected you to feign ignorance and ignore like everyone else. Cheat has bought her off. This dysfunctional crap will continue for ever… unless his gf gets pregnant so blind eye cannot be turned but like as not she will forgive him. It will of course be OW fault. Overall you are best off out of it, it’s a bloody nightmare friendship group , that sees support of core group and excusing any and all behaviour as mandatory Anyone not one of that core, or who doesn’t completely agree and support it are dispensable. Don’t try to disengage dh… just make new friends for both of you, hopefully with normal friends he will see the truth himself

BlueDaises · 14/06/2021 21:21

I hope you are feeling better tonight OP.. you should be.. the public performance they are both putting on is Textbook Failing Marriage 101 🌸 and everyone online seeing it.. knows it 🌷

theconstantheadache · 14/06/2021 21:25

Been their. Went out for my friends birthday meal and seen my husbands friend with a young scruffy looking girl (I know his wife via my husband and we are good friends )
He actually said to me "don't say anything please"
I can't hold my own piss. Rang and told DH and I told his wife a few days after when I seen her, they worked it out (silly that she is) but they seem in such a good place now. This was about 6 years ago xx

theconstantheadache · 14/06/2021 21:26

Also. Shoe on the other foot. You'd want her to tell you!!!

BlueDaises · 14/06/2021 21:30

@theconstantheadache

Also. Shoe on the other foot. You'd want her to tell you!!!

I know I would want to know 🌷

CrotchetyQuaver · 14/06/2021 21:31

I think as you saw them together you ought to tell her. It's up to her to dig or not as she chooses. Seeing them and their reaction to you turning up puts this on a different footing to gossip.

She might not be happy to hear this news, but I think it will eat away at you if you don't tell her what you saw...

BlueDaises · 14/06/2021 21:32

@CrotchetyQuaver

I think as you saw them together you ought to tell her. It's up to her to dig or not as she chooses. Seeing them and their reaction to you turning up puts this on a different footing to gossip. She might not be happy to hear this news, but I think it will eat away at you if you don't tell her what you saw...

The Thread is Waaaaaaaay beyond that now... 🤣

theconstantheadache · 14/06/2021 21:41

Sorry op just caught up

You husband sounds like he needs give this guy some lessons in how to be a man- glad he's supporting you! Think you need the flowers and necklace lol cx

CrotchetyQuaver · 14/06/2021 21:45

That'll teach me to RTFT. I still think you did the right thing, let them get on with it, all of them. She's a fool if she thinks a bunch of flowers and a stupid FB post means they're happy ever after now... you did your best

grapewine · 14/06/2021 21:46

@BlueDaises

DH has made it clear he will support me and that I did the right thing but that he wouldn't distance himself from group as they are 'family' he said he wouldn't be joining them on groups with partners involved as he isn't going to let me be left out but he will continue keeping in contact with them.

This is bad.

Yeah, it is dressed up nicely. But it's bad.

timeisnotaline · 14/06/2021 22:06

I’m really not sure about your dh. Not all bad but perhaps just too weak to make the distance. Have you said I’m more worried about our marriage than I was now I know affairs are not the deal breaker for you I thought they were? Do you realise they are an absolute deal breaker for me? And I also know that your good friends of years are weak and pathetic people which does worry me too, as people’s friends influence them. Look how you’ve happily gone along with this for how long, and I now know you keep things from me. What else are you hiding? Your friends might be like ‘family’ but I’m your wife.

SugarNyx · 14/06/2021 22:20

My step mother was cheating on my dad for years and everyone know (not me) and no one told him. When it came out, he had to deal with her cheating and the humiliation of all his family and friends knowing and no one having the bottle to tell him. I would tell her! Women should have women’s backs, esp when they’re a friend