To tell neighbours children to leave me alone

[Pleaseleavemealone]

Live in terraced housing. Next door is a 2 bed hmo with about 4 adults, recently a mum dad and 3 kids have moved in (5, 7 and 9). As the weather is warmer understandably everyone is in their gardens.
Next doors kids just don’t understand privacy. Every single time we go in our garden - whether I am popping out to hang laundry or if my own children (3 and 1) are playing in our paddling pool - next doors kids heads pop over the fence and they just stand there the whole time staring and answering to everything I say to my own kids. For example :
Me to my daughter - “do you want an ice lolly?”
And before my daughter can answer next doors kids say “can I have one?”
Or if I am smoking (no judgment please I am trying to stop!) next doors kids will say “ew are you smoking?” And everything I do they ask me if I’m doing that.
It is getting so annoying and feel that I don’t even want to be in the garden anymore because these kids are just watching and butting into everything I say/do.
Their parents are sat in the garden the whole time and don’t say anything! But I feel it’s not my place to tell someone else’s kids off really and they aren’t being naughty.
The fences aren’t shorter than average, they have dragged something over to stand on just so they can look over my fence.
I will be on the phone (I go in my garden to take calls sometimes as my tv is on/kids are chatting away) and next doors kids will be calling me over the fence to ask me questions or ask where my children are.
Right now I’m sat in my garden after a long day of paddling pool fun, my children are inside having a drink and cool down and the kids are telling me to bring my kids outside ffs

My Mum used to deal with this by saying kindly but firmly,

"We are having private time together as a family now. We won't be chatting and the children can't play with you yet."

Only once did a child (whose parents took the piss and expected fulltime free childcare as they couldn't be arsed to care for their own kids) push back and was told, "Jessica, I've explained we want private family time together. It's rude to keep knocking on the foor. You are making a nuisance of yourself now. We'll tell your parents when we want to arrange a playdate."

You could say something like that "Neighbour Kid, we'd like some private time as a family now. Please stop peeking over the fence, that's not something well behaved children do."

"Neighbour Kid, I'm having some child free time right now and want to relax in peace so I won't be chatting or bringing the children out."

and if it persists

"Stop pestering now. You are making a nuisance of yourself. We can talk when we see each other on the street or if we arrange some playtime but I want private time now and don't like it when you peek over the fence whenever we are in the garden, that's not polite behaviour."

Barbed wire?

I'd be tempted to hot glue some broken glass over the fence tbh...... Just kidding but bloody hell. That would really wind me up.

Glad you said that !

@murakamilove

Barbed wire?

Beat me to it

@seashells11

When I was a kid there was no way I was interested in adults in gardens. Seems odd to me that kids can't find ways to amuse themselves without pestering neighbours with inane questions. Glad the dad sorted it out though, at least one parent with common sense.

Me too, except our next-door neighbour when we were kids in Brighton, but she was my piano teacher and she was really nice. And even then we didn't annoy her all the time. There was this girl whose garden backed onto ours, and because our area was quite hilly, her garden was higher up and she'd lean over and go on and on and on at me, my parents, my gran when she was visiting etc. and she did my fucking head in. I wasn't the most sociable of kids and sometimes I'd talk but other times I just wanted her to GO AWAY. She also kept chucking her toys into our garden and we threw them back, but I think she stopped after one hit her a bit too hard (by accident).

I do think you’ve let it get to you more than you should. I would build an area where they couldn’t see me, put up some sort of screen and get a load of tall plants. And I’d make it a priority to go outside either at night or early in the morning when they aren’t around and just soak up a bit of peace and quiet.

We have 6ft high fences in our area, they are wonderful, you can hear other people in their gardens but we all have total privacy, would recommend to everyone.

@godmum56 What? Only on another planet would you invite a child to play? How sad!

As others have said just put up trellis and honeysuckle . We did that as our neighbours garden was at a different level .

End of problem.

YANBU. Talk to the parents, politely. If it doesn’t work then buy much higher fences or plant some leylandii. It sounds incredibly annoying, but not much you can do if the children’s parents don’t chide them.

Barbed wire and broken glass 😂 Maybe try that anti climb paint

This would piss me right off. Some good suggestions above though - I’d be ignoring them whilst grumbling under my breath! And probably tell them to ask their own mum.

Had similar. I said to neighbours kids "please don't climb the fence, it could easily break and you will get really hurt" & then said loudly to my DC "Stop looking into other people's gardens, it's incredibly rude and they don't want you nosing"... Not that my DC was, I was just making a point because the neighbours were in the garden. It stopped after that.

Sounds like a nightmare, we have new neighbours and their window backs onto our garden and once I let the dog out for a wee and their kid decided to open the window and shout at my dog. My dog is a rescue and super nervous of new people and loud noise, he almost lept over the gate and into the road and wouldn't go into the garden for the next few days. We've decided to put a fence up around our boundary now, and I dont think they'll be happy as it only leave their small triangle of land in front of the window, but im not having my dog terrorised in his own garden. I feel like if we don't (literally) set a boundary now we might end up with similar issues to you. Fingers crossed it gets better for you.

Aw sorry to hear this my kids are nosy parkers and also asking my next door neighbour questions. Im like leave him alone and hes like “its ok” but i think omg I hope hes not annoyed lol

in all honestly I don't understand this. I would love neighbour children who I could invite round into the garden to play with my kids and vice versa. It's what childhood is about. maybe try inviting them over there obviously curiously. don't your children like playing with others? my kids love playing with children even if there slightly older.

@turtlesanddragons

in all honestly I don't understand this. I would love neighbour children who I could invite round into the garden to play with my kids and vice versa. It's what childhood is about. maybe try inviting them over there obviously curiously. don't your children like playing with others? my kids love playing with children even if there slightly older.

You'd love to never have privacy or peace jn your own garden?

You'd love to have next doors kids popping their heads over the fence making rude comments about your food or lifestyle choices or telling your toddlers to eat unsafe things every time you dared to set foot in your own garden?

Really?

Because that's what the OP is describing. Not neighbourly playmates who knock on the front door to play with the kids every couple of days.

@Gullible2021
Maybe if she invited then round to play they may stop staring over the fence and asking questions all day long.

[quote turtlesanddragons]@Gullible2021
Maybe if she invited then round to play they may stop staring over the fence and asking questions all day long. [/quote]
Maybe pigs will fly.

Or maybe parents should teach children manners.

Complain to the council about the HMO and lack of privacy

To be fair OP, if these children are refugees, they probably have had little experience of boundaries with neighbours.
They're clearly fascinated with you and yours.

@salemcat

Pop a note in their letter box stating you & your husband a nudists & you will both be on your garden naked for the foreseeable.

@ReginaaPhalange

I used to have a neighbour like this and yes she was same age to me but I would just put headphones in my ears to look like I was listening to music so never replied as "I couldn't hear her". Is that an option for you?

I have bought noise cancelling headphones for exactly this reason. I enjoy peace in my garden!

You need to be firm but polite. It's technically the parents place to deal with but if they aren't then you have no choice but to say something yourself and talk to the parents too before it escalates. I've been through similar but it escalated into antisocial behaviour, vandalism and more with neighbours leaving cause of it and ended up having get police involved and council and the family being evicted after 4 years of it. Not saying it will get to that point but needs dealing with. Good luck op in sorting it.