To tell neighbours children to leave me alone

[Pleaseleavemealone]

Live in terraced housing. Next door is a 2 bed hmo with about 4 adults, recently a mum dad and 3 kids have moved in (5, 7 and 9). As the weather is warmer understandably everyone is in their gardens.
Next doors kids just don’t understand privacy. Every single time we go in our garden - whether I am popping out to hang laundry or if my own children (3 and 1) are playing in our paddling pool - next doors kids heads pop over the fence and they just stand there the whole time staring and answering to everything I say to my own kids. For example :
Me to my daughter - “do you want an ice lolly?”
And before my daughter can answer next doors kids say “can I have one?”
Or if I am smoking (no judgment please I am trying to stop!) next doors kids will say “ew are you smoking?” And everything I do they ask me if I’m doing that.
It is getting so annoying and feel that I don’t even want to be in the garden anymore because these kids are just watching and butting into everything I say/do.
Their parents are sat in the garden the whole time and don’t say anything! But I feel it’s not my place to tell someone else’s kids off really and they aren’t being naughty.
The fences aren’t shorter than average, they have dragged something over to stand on just so they can look over my fence.
I will be on the phone (I go in my garden to take calls sometimes as my tv is on/kids are chatting away) and next doors kids will be calling me over the fence to ask me questions or ask where my children are.
Right now I’m sat in my garden after a long day of paddling pool fun, my children are inside having a drink and cool down and the kids are telling me to bring my kids outside ffs

[peppermintpat]

I used to have this where I lived. Fencing was 4 ft high chain link so zero privacy. Kids (4 of the little b's) from next door would watch every move I made in the kitchen or in the garden. They would ask me what I was doing, would I give them sweets or money or come over the fence to get their never ending balls and toys. In the end I had to put privacy film on the kitchen door and soon after followed a 6 ft high wooden fence.
It transpired their aunty had lived there before me and had been evicted so they felt I was in their auntys house and they couldn't get to grips with the fact it was now mine.
I also had my car vandalised and nasty notes put through the door (from the mother, auntys sister).
The fence then gave the eldest boy something the kick his ball against all day. I moved, shame as a cute house which suited me perfectly. Mother got pregnant again not long after I left apparently.

[MaterEstIratus]

Plant a nice tall pyracantha.

[Harls1969]

Feeling your pain OP. A couple of weeks ago I went into the kitchen and wondered why my cats were looking terrified in the conservatory - then I saw the girl from next door (aged around 7) leaning over our fence staring in and blowing a whistle at the cats. Asked her to get down. Similar has happened a few times since. 1) it's really intrusive as she is looking into my house - rude!
2) it's our fence and I don't want to have to replace it because she's damaged it (it's a tall fence but she's climbing on the old sofa that's dumped in their garden. One of 2 old sofas...)
I'm considering walking around the house naked because that will certainly put her off

[seashells11]

peppermintpat If there's such a thing as karma those awful neighbours will get neighbours that annoy the hell out of them and make THEM want to move.

[showmewhatyougot]

Did you end up having to buy that trellis? Or did dad scare them off for good?

[Hollyhobbi]

Why don't the 3 children play together like other kids would?

[Chloe1973]

I would speak to the parents and request that the children do not look over your fence. Personally I think that this is unacceptable.

[Eve76]

My neighbours are exactly the same I haven’t sat in my garden since they moved in I can’t stand the racket they all make .

[Spencil]

The easiest way would be to have climbing roses about 4 foot above the fence. This will prevent them seeing in and the thorns will discourage them climbing the trellis as well. Works with any thorny climber so if you like black berries then that works just as well.

Of course you can try the long route but kids are relentless and may take ignoring them as a challenge.

[Maggiesfarm]

I would do something to make my fence higher and to obscure unwanted viewings. They are just kids but their parents should tell them not to bother the neighbours.

[bearess1978]

How awful its your garden and private space. Agree dont engage in conversation.Parents are dicks for not telling their kids to stop bothering you

[Superpanicky]

Trellis all day long! That would drive me mad, and if you think there is too many people living there then they’re hardly going to complain about a fence being too high. I’d also add in the headphones so they think you can’t actually hear them. If you do all that and they still don’t get the message it’s time to outright ignore them or talk to their parents

[Toomuchtrouble4me]

Just ignore or turn and put your finger to your lips every time they speak. Don’t interact at all.
You’d think the parents would tell them to get down, I bet they’d soon pipe up if you told the kids off!

[LakieLady]

[quote Pleaseleavemealone]@CornishTiger It started out as an older couple living there and people just keep moving in but no one moves out, I believe it’s a private rent as my other neighbour knows the landlord but that’s not something I want to be involved in and the landlord probably knows anyway. I believe they are refugees/immigrants as the little girl was saying they came from their country to Leeds and then moved here with relatives[/quote]
The landlord may have leased it to the council to use as temporary accommodation for homeless families. It would account for the rapid turnover of tenants.

A lot of landlords are doing that these days. The get less per month but it's guaranteed, regardless of whether or not it's occupied, and the local authority undertake to give it back in the condition they got it in at the end of the term.

[FreekStar]

They are obviously just curious because they are new. The normal thing to do would be to invite the children to play with yours in the garden.

[Lifetheuniverseandeverything]

OP you have a home with security, they are sharing a home, possibly after being homeless. It’s incredibly annoying having your privacy invaded but children can’t help being curious if they see other kids living their best life. Trellis on the fence, try to bear with it or tell them they’re being rude. Pressure your mp to improve housing for families without a permanent home. #shelter

[jsp5642]

I had this with oodles of neighbours a few years ago. One time I was in the garden and 6 of them ran into my garden naked and were covorting round the place. It was kind of hilarious tbh and I didn't mind that they made themselves at home. It all ended really suddenly when they hit a certain age and became cliquey.

I think if you want it to stop you just need to very calmly say "It's been lovely to talk to you, but it's time for you to stop looking over the fence now as we are going to have some private time" then say "GOODBYE" in your best Jedi voice. If you don't have a jedi voice, watch the Joyce Grenfell nursery school sketches where she says "George! Don't do that." They should be on youtube.

A psychologist would call it "Setting boundaries" and it's terribly important with children. If you set boundaries well with these kids, then your kids will learn how to do it too.

Good luck. It can be quite hard work, but kids learn really fast so you will get there.

[jsp5642]

This is what you need:

[Romney981]

In my last house we had a young neighbour with special needs who ALWAYS looked over our fence, chatting to us, threw things over the fence, dropped ice cream which our dogs ate and made them ill, would constantly try to talk to us when we were reading a book or chilling. It got on our nerves a bit but never said anything. We moved. Not because of this - we needed to downsize. We sold our house and spent lockdown at our daughters with her 5 year old grandson. He constantly chatted to the next door neighbours, would not leave them alone, would call their names and want to show them various things (i.e. leaves/bugs etc). I realised this is just what kids do and even if their parents/grandparents give them lots of attention they still want to chat to the neighbours

[jsp5642]

My next door neighbour casually throws huge sucker darts from my son's bow and arrow back over the fence without comment, which is terribly kind I think. #EmbrassingThough

[Buffs]

I’d go easy on this one. Your 3 year old might benefit from the company of older kids . Younger kids love the company of older ones. Also in a few years your children might be noisier than next door. Your neighbours also might turn out to be good babysitters.

[Happylittlethoughts]

Het a hose

[Happylittlethoughts]

*get

[godmum56]

@FreekStar

They are obviously just curious because they are new. The normal thing to do would be to invite the children to play with yours in the garden.

on what planet?

[Usernamerequired]

Sound like my neighbours. None of the kids business if you are smoking and rude of them to pass comment. Parent’s obviously don’t give a shxx what their kids are doing but i’d be telling them to mind their own business. This will get worse if not nipped in the bud