To tell neighbours children to leave me alone

[Pleaseleavemealone]

Live in terraced housing. Next door is a 2 bed hmo with about 4 adults, recently a mum dad and 3 kids have moved in (5, 7 and 9). As the weather is warmer understandably everyone is in their gardens.
Next doors kids just don’t understand privacy. Every single time we go in our garden - whether I am popping out to hang laundry or if my own children (3 and 1) are playing in our paddling pool - next doors kids heads pop over the fence and they just stand there the whole time staring and answering to everything I say to my own kids. For example :
Me to my daughter - “do you want an ice lolly?”
And before my daughter can answer next doors kids say “can I have one?”
Or if I am smoking (no judgment please I am trying to stop!) next doors kids will say “ew are you smoking?” And everything I do they ask me if I’m doing that.
It is getting so annoying and feel that I don’t even want to be in the garden anymore because these kids are just watching and butting into everything I say/do.
Their parents are sat in the garden the whole time and don’t say anything! But I feel it’s not my place to tell someone else’s kids off really and they aren’t being naughty.
The fences aren’t shorter than average, they have dragged something over to stand on just so they can look over my fence.
I will be on the phone (I go in my garden to take calls sometimes as my tv is on/kids are chatting away) and next doors kids will be calling me over the fence to ask me questions or ask where my children are.
Right now I’m sat in my garden after a long day of paddling pool fun, my children are inside having a drink and cool down and the kids are telling me to bring my kids outside ffs

[MummytoR]

I think the more realistic thing to do so you don't look unreasonable is to say you like to sunbathe a lot in the garden in either just a bikini or sometimes topless and you are concerned their children will see you like that and you'd like some privacy. Laugh about it as though you're doing them a favour by telling them, just say "I don't wanna scar them for life if they see me laid there with nowt on" 😂 then surely if the parents caught them looking over they'd shout them to stop just incase you had your boobs out lol. It's a legit reason to be fair, you should be able to have that kind of privacy in your own garden with a 6ft fence!

[SarahJenkins50]

I have a similar issue and it does really annoy me. Everyone’s suggestions are helpful but it isn’t fair for you to have to tell your neighbours children when to be quiet. It’s awkward and not fair on you. I acted like a child earlier and kid under a tree where my neighbours kids couldn’t see me and pretended I wasn’t there. Not really the garden enjoyment I wanted.

[BettyBurntBuns]

It’s not a hmo

[gerryk62]

Their mum. Should tell them off and apologise to you. I know I would tell them to stop annoying the lady and kids😩

[sue20]

Bad parenting. Kids don’t naturally understand boundaries, the parents should stop them bothering you. Or at least check whether you mind. Probably the trellis idea is the best way to give a message that isn’t too aggressive. It would match the level of disturbance you are receiving from them. If they don’t get the message you’ll have to approach the parents. It’s not the kids’ fault that they aren’t being taught how to socially interact. Being approached firmly is quite humiliating for a child especially if there’s a general feeling of disapproval surrounding them. Some people are just oblivious eg the parents. Yes agree the house sounds overcrowded might be worth checking with owner whether they are all supposed to be living there.

[Marriedatfirstyear]

@SmoggieC
What is a GFF?

Ground floor flat.
@ OP, hope it has settled down. Great that their dad has had a word as all you have to do in future is quote him. Good luck.

[Marriedatfirstyear]

@DropItBouncer
I've put fake leaf willow trellis on my fence for just this reason. Next doors nine year old would hold on to the top of the fence and watch us like we were on TV.
🤣🤣, you were there entertainment. Trellis looks lovely.

[Mummabear89]

Either try to ignore them and perhaps they will get bored (unlikely but you never know) have a chat with their parents about the need for privacy and hope that they understand (unlikely if they're letting their children do this in the first place)

[MummyMayo1988]

That would definitely be irritating OP I can totally see why you are frustrated.
We had a similar issue with neighbours kids - our garden backs onto a car park and there would sometimes be a bunch of kids climbing up up just watching us.
I planted a climber plant (wisteria - super fast growing) and encouraged it to climb the fence all the way along. The kids seemed to get the hint after that.
You definitely are NOT BU!

[user1493379562]

Harls1969 Sun 13-Jun-21 18:07:52

Feeling your pain OP. A couple of weeks ago I went into the kitchen and wondered why my cats were looking terrified in the conservatory - then I saw the girl from next door (aged around 7) leaning over our fence staring in and blowing a whistle at the cats. Asked her to get down. Similar has happened a few times since. 1) it's really intrusive as she is looking into my house - rude!
2) it's our fence and I don't want to have to replace it because she's damaged it (it's a tall fence but she's climbing on the old sofa that's dumped in their garden. One of 2 old sofas...)
I'm considering walking around the house naked because that will certainly put her off

My next door neigbours sold their house to a person who rented it out as HMO. I found rats in my garden and when I looked over the tall fence found a pile of mattresses and goodness knows what else was there so I called environmental health. They took photographs over the fence then wrote to the owners who had to have everything removed as it was a health hazard! Everything was moved from the back garden to the from garden until it was collected. It was appalling!

[Monz77]

YANBU as such but kids are social little butterflies and this may be a great set of friendships in the making. When we were kids, over fences was the main method of travel between neighbourhood kids— our back neighbours had a ladder that connected to our tree and it was great!
Maybe have a word and ask if they could please not look over the fence, but instead set up something fun like the paper cup “phones” (the ones connected by string) and encourage them to try and contact each other that way when they want to interact.

[user1493379562]

I am pleased to see their dad has stepped up. However if it should continue when he is not there. You said you were not sure about putting trellis up because of the type of feathered fence you have. Have you thought about split cane on a roll? I think you can but it up to 7' 0r 8' high and you attach it to the whole fence from ground level.

[Ferret27]

@godmum56...!!it's not down to ethnicity!!! Did you mean cultural difference .. Why can't you just have a quiet word with the parents and say please can you ask your little ones not to climb the fence as it's disturbing you as it's so constant ...If that doesn't work add height to the fence ..

[TruJay]

We used to have a tiny 2-3 foot fence between gardens, neighbours said they were moving so we replaced it with a 6 foot one before anyone new moved in. Neighbours never moved but they became the biggest pains in the arse! Moved trampoline right next to fence so started jumping and hanging from top of it, really pissed me off! It’s rude and I’ve just spent hundreds, don’t hang off the new fence!!

It was questions over the fence like op says, it became a regular thing and I’d had enough. As they’d all hang over and stare directly into living room window!

If I’d have done that as a child, my mum would have straight away said, don’t look over the fence staring, it’s rude! Stop asking the neighbours questions, they’re enjoying their garden like we are.

It’s the same with kids playing outside, normal playing noise, absolutely fine but this new scream at the top of my lungs bollocks that kids do nowadays, not a chance! If my kids are being loud, I’m immediately with them telling them to quieten down or they’re coming inside, simple.

Tell them they’re being rude staring and to stop. I don’t know why we pussyfoot around calling people out on their rudeness for fear of being rude ourselves.
You have every right to enjoy your garden in peace op. I hope it stops for you.

[billycat321]

grow berberis along the fence
very thorny!

[MrsPelligrinoPetrichor]

I'd grow a very quick growing clematis along your fence withe some trellis. ASAP.

[Angiemum24]

We had the same. It’s so annoying and they are so nosy.
I used to say you shouldn’t climb on the fence you will break it.
Or if they poke hole in the fence put tape over them.
I ended up growing buddlias,laurels, conifers and pampas grass along my fence as they grow fast.
I really feel your pain.

[Florajane69]

Good that dad has sorted it!

[Florajane69]

I dunno. They have been in lockdown all year. I find some kids are just desperate to chat. My son talks to everyone now he didn’t before. They are annoying because they are kids. Doesn’t sound like they are being naughty. I would ignore them and tell them off if the cross the line! Or just give in and invite them over!

[Zzelda]

I think dad must have read my post as he has just stood up and told the kids it’s rude to climb up and stare into other peoples gardens

Excellent. If they do it again, you can just say "Your Dad's told you it's rude to stare into other people's gardens, so off you go".

[clarehhh]

Add trellis and ignore them, don't engage. Next time parents are out then say something like "Just let me have some quiet time please"

[Christine62]

I had the same thing happen to me. When I moved in the fence was 3ft high and the kids would see us come in and knock on the back door for my daughter to come out 😲 I would tell them no and go back into your garden then we had the 6ft fence and do exactly what yours are doing I would just say "get down before you fall down its very dangerous climbing that high" in a very concerned voice them the dame parents might take the hint. Don't give them ANYTHING they will get bored eventually. Good luck

[wildchild554]

You need to be firm but polite. It's technically the parents place to deal with but if they aren't then you have no choice but to say something yourself and talk to the parents too before it escalates. I've been through similar but it escalated into antisocial behaviour, vandalism and more with neighbours leaving cause of it and ended up having get police involved and council and the family being evicted after 4 years of it. Not saying it will get to that point but needs dealing with. Good luck op in sorting it.

[chrisnchicks]

@ReginaaPhalange

I used to have a neighbour like this and yes she was same age to me but I would just put headphones in my ears to look like I was listening to music so never replied as "I couldn't hear her". Is that an option for you?

I have bought noise cancelling headphones for exactly this reason. I enjoy peace in my garden!

[AffableApple]

@salemcat

Pop a note in their letter box stating you & your husband a nudists & you will both be on your garden naked for the foreseeable.