To tell neighbours children to leave me alone

[Pleaseleavemealone]

Live in terraced housing. Next door is a 2 bed hmo with about 4 adults, recently a mum dad and 3 kids have moved in (5, 7 and 9). As the weather is warmer understandably everyone is in their gardens.
Next doors kids just don’t understand privacy. Every single time we go in our garden - whether I am popping out to hang laundry or if my own children (3 and 1) are playing in our paddling pool - next doors kids heads pop over the fence and they just stand there the whole time staring and answering to everything I say to my own kids. For example :
Me to my daughter - “do you want an ice lolly?”
And before my daughter can answer next doors kids say “can I have one?”
Or if I am smoking (no judgment please I am trying to stop!) next doors kids will say “ew are you smoking?” And everything I do they ask me if I’m doing that.
It is getting so annoying and feel that I don’t even want to be in the garden anymore because these kids are just watching and butting into everything I say/do.
Their parents are sat in the garden the whole time and don’t say anything! But I feel it’s not my place to tell someone else’s kids off really and they aren’t being naughty.
The fences aren’t shorter than average, they have dragged something over to stand on just so they can look over my fence.
I will be on the phone (I go in my garden to take calls sometimes as my tv is on/kids are chatting away) and next doors kids will be calling me over the fence to ask me questions or ask where my children are.
Right now I’m sat in my garden after a long day of paddling pool fun, my children are inside having a drink and cool down and the kids are telling me to bring my kids outside ffs

[Ourlady]

Thats great. The next time they do it you can say... your dad's told you not to do that

[LoopTheLoops]

I can't believe this, four pages and nobody's come on to say "you're so mean, they're only being kids, if it was my neighbours I'd invite them all in for a party". Because there's always one hmm Unless the earlier half-hearted suggestion to give them cheap ice lollies counts.

I had that on a thread I made about my upstairs neighbours who stare into my garden and got told I should invite them down and it’s unfair on them because they don’t have a garden. 🤣

[godmum56]

@RattlesnakesUnfold

Have you tried large headphones? Or a headset/earpiece and saying (shhh I’m on a call).

I’d also raise the fence, either by adding a high trellis that lets light in but keeps peeping eyes out, or if it’s not your fence install a privacy screen next to their fence or position the wall of a gazebo against it.

I’d also be tempted to get one of those large garden tents with curtains you can close, and just go in it and ignore them!

but why should you have to swelter in a tent?

[AngelsWithSilverWings]

My little brother used to do this and annoy the lady who lived nextdoor. He was only about 3 years old but he used to climb on the coal bunker to see over the fence. Next door smeared mustard over the top of the fence to put him off but they didn't bank on my brother absolutely loving mustard. It did stop him though as my mum obviously realised then that the neighbour wasn't happy and that she had to stop him climbing up so they removed the coal bunker. We did wonder why the neighbour didn't just tell us to get him to stop rather than taking the action she did. We hadn't lived there long and he was just exploring and being curious. Also it was the 70's when parenting was much less hands on.

[SmellThis]

Have you tried large headphones? Hmm, you are too nice
i'd throw them at their head
It's the neighbours problem to sort out
Teach their children some manners

[DarcyLewis]

I'd keep saying every time "Please get down, it's rude to look into other people's gardens" and not engage other than that.

[RickiTarr]

Can you get one of those sail shades or a tilting garden parasol to give you some privacy by angling it in a really blatant way?

[Beautiful3]

I wouldn't be rude, because kids can easily turn against you and their parents may not care. J would acknowledge them and say hello and make small chit chat then put headphones on to listen to music. They'll soon grow and become uninterested in you.

[DarcyLewis]

Little children don't get hints - you just need to tell them (or their parents) politely and firmly.

[godmum56]

for those who haven't read back, dad has intervened

[Sumerisicumenin]

@HollowTalk

"I'll do you a deal - I'll give you an ice pop if you go away and leave me alone."

‘And that is called paying the Dane-geld;
But we've proved it again and again,
That if once you have paid him the Dane-geld
You never get rid of the Dane.’

[junipertree2]

Higher fence...

I don't understand this at all, why kids nowadays are so forward with adults. When I was a child, other people's parents were to be kept at arm's length. Even dreaded 'calling for' other kids! But my mum and dad would have been mortified if they'd thought we were annoying adult neighbours in this way. I remember my dad coming home one day and going nuts because my friends and I were sitting on the coalshed roof overlooking their living room!

[Karmagoat]

This would really piss me off. I would just ignore them and hopefully they will get the message. Failing that tell them to fuck off

[Coldwine75]

We had one who hung over the fence daily in the summer watching us, even started climbing over a few times and the parents did nothing. In the end we just started completely ignoring him and he gave up.....

[RantyAnty]

glad the Dad came out and told them to get down.

I just yell at them to get off the fence and go play. They only had to be told once.

[WhoDidAndWhy]

All the suggestions of saying “go to your mummy” just annoy me. There are two parents there.

Back to the topic, I see dad has stepped in now, but I wanted to say my nieces and nephews do this to their neighbours and the parents think it’s sweet and the neighbours don’t mind The children certainly aren’t neglected in any way, and if anything they are indulged and thought of as delightful darlings. Drives me nuts.

I’d say hello and how are you then “well we are having some private family time now so it was nice to chat but you’ll have to climb down now. Goodbye!” Then ignore or repeat “See you another time Jim, Jan and Mary. You’ll have to climb down off the fence now. Goodbye.” They are kids after all and need to learn boundaries so there’s no need to be nasty.

[DarcyLewis]

I really don't understand all the suggestions to be passive-aggressive, ignore them, put up trellis etc.
What are you afraid of?

They're just little children, they don't realise they are annoying, just tell them what you want them to do

[Anniegetyourgun]

@DarcyLewis

I really don't understand all the suggestions to be passive-aggressive, ignore them, put up trellis etc.
What are you afraid of?

They're just little children, they don't realise they are annoying, just tell them what you want them to do

Like, to fuck off, you mean?

[Anniegetyourgun]

@LoopTheLoops

I can't believe this, four pages and nobody's come on to say "you're so mean, they're only being kids, if it was my neighbours I'd invite them all in for a party". Because there's always one hmm Unless the earlier half-hearted suggestion to give them cheap ice lollies counts.

I had that on a thread I made about my upstairs neighbours who stare into my garden and got told I should invite them down and it’s unfair on them because they don’t have a garden. 🤣

Ha! Love it. Maybe you should have offered to swap flats so they got the one with the garden. Or partitioned it and given them half. Or even moved out and given them your flat to add to theirs (not impossible - remember the one where someone inherited a house with a sitting tenant and a poster in all seriousness suggested she should give the house to the tenant?).

[Livelovebehappy]

I would just ignore. They’ll get bored of a one way conversation. Put some headphones on so it doesn’t appear you are purposefully ignoring. I reckon after a couple of days of this, they’ll stop pestering you.

[lotstolose1]

Put them spikes on top of the fence 🤣

Jokes aside, that type of thing really annoys me and I definitely don't think YABU but I'm not really sure apart from telling them to piss off I would do about it

[Lauz841]

Be careful adding to the fence if it’s already 6ft. The max height allowed without planning permission, including trellis is 2m, which I think is approx 6ft6in. Any higher than that and they could complain to the council who could make you take it down, making it a waste of money.
We had this problem with some new neighbouring a few years ago. It was awful. We just started saying get down from the fence please. On repeat. We didn’t even answer any of the constant questions, just repeated ,get down please’ as soon as they got up, but they were relentless. Our problem started because they were climbing up to hang over the fence and stroke our dog. We solved the problem by telling them not to because he was protective and might bite them (he wouldn’t 😂) and that stopped it. They still sometimes climb up and ask if the dog is there so we just say yes and they climb down. It has improved but it’s still not the best, and my youngest is 6 now so he often engages with their conversation which really doesn’t help! But it’s not as bad as it was so we’re working on it! Good luck.

[DarcyLewis]

@Anniegetyourgun - yeah, nicely rather than fuck off but just tell them to get down and stop staring

[bottleofvodka]

Oh I had this with a previous neighbour. Lovely family, very friendly but we had a low fence and they had their bins beside the fence so every time they went to the bins, they wanted to chat. Drove me crazy on days when I didn't want to talk, lots of the time I didn't mind but on a bad day I couldn't chill in my garden. I bought my 4 year old a slide and when he climbed up it on the first day, he could see into their garden and shouted hi to them. I did have a little laugh about it but we swiftly moved it to the other side of the garden!

[Sssloou]

@Pleaseleavemealone

I think dad must have read my post as he has just stood up and told the kids it’s rude to climb up and stare into other peoples gardens 😂 kid replies “what if we climb but don’t look!” Dad is having none of it mwahaha

Brilliant - well done Dad for reading the post and taking some action - now can you also turn the music down for the OP?