To tell neighbours children to leave me alone

[Pleaseleavemealone]

Live in terraced housing. Next door is a 2 bed hmo with about 4 adults, recently a mum dad and 3 kids have moved in (5, 7 and 9). As the weather is warmer understandably everyone is in their gardens.
Next doors kids just don’t understand privacy. Every single time we go in our garden - whether I am popping out to hang laundry or if my own children (3 and 1) are playing in our paddling pool - next doors kids heads pop over the fence and they just stand there the whole time staring and answering to everything I say to my own kids. For example :
Me to my daughter - “do you want an ice lolly?”
And before my daughter can answer next doors kids say “can I have one?”
Or if I am smoking (no judgment please I am trying to stop!) next doors kids will say “ew are you smoking?” And everything I do they ask me if I’m doing that.
It is getting so annoying and feel that I don’t even want to be in the garden anymore because these kids are just watching and butting into everything I say/do.
Their parents are sat in the garden the whole time and don’t say anything! But I feel it’s not my place to tell someone else’s kids off really and they aren’t being naughty.
The fences aren’t shorter than average, they have dragged something over to stand on just so they can look over my fence.
I will be on the phone (I go in my garden to take calls sometimes as my tv is on/kids are chatting away) and next doors kids will be calling me over the fence to ask me questions or ask where my children are.
Right now I’m sat in my garden after a long day of paddling pool fun, my children are inside having a drink and cool down and the kids are telling me to bring my kids outside ffs

[Rosewood017]

This is hard and must be so annoying! I'd probably try and call over to the parents and say something like 'would you mind stopping them looking over as my children are getting changed out of their swimwear'. Hopefully it will make them more self-aware.

Good the Dad has chimed in though!

[cookiecreampie]

@1starwars2

I don't know. Its not unreasonable to want some privacy in your garden, but these kids seem desperate for some adult attention.
I would chat to them for 5 mins and then say goodbye and try to ignore them.

That's for their own parents to do, not the next door neighbour.

[IAmAWomanNotACis]

I hope you thanked the dad.

[LoopTheLoops]

Thanks for telling your kids to stop staring into my garden 🤣🤣🤣 why on earth would she need to thank him? They shouldn’t be doing it anyway!

[inpixiehollow]

I feel sorry for the children but completely see your issue OP. One of our neighbours recently cut down a large tree that was next to the fence bordering our property, not the same but its left me feeling very exposed when I'm out playing with DD. I would do what other posters have suggested maybe a quick 1-2 minute conversation with "we're having quiet family time now, time for you to go in your own garden." And just keep repeating. Your children aren't really at an age to play with the neighbours being older so will probably lose interest.

[AlohaMolly]

I’m so glad the dad stepped up! Hopefully he’ll continue to do so, but I just wanted to say that the children aren’t necessarily craving adult attention or being starved of it like some PPs have said. My DS is 5 and he loves nothing more than —sticking his oar in— wanting to chat to other people. We have tiny little back yards and he wants to chat to our neighbours all the time. The difference in this scenario is that I tell DS to leave them alone after an initial hello

[Bhooks]

I'm glad Dad said something.

I disagree with those who say the children are craving attention. I have very sociable outgoing kids and they love chatting to neighbours. They get plenty of interaction from me and my husband - they just love playing and talking with others too! Fortunately, we live in a really friendly neighbourhood and the neighbours all seem to love to chat too!

My children regularly look over into next door's garden. I have always told them, not to yell over the fence, and not to stand and stare, not to keep bothering the neighbours, etc. But, the children now play together a lot and wander round to each other's gardens to play together most days. I've taught my children to ask first, not just turn up! 🤣 But it's lovely to see the kids all playing together. I have checked with the other parents and they loved it too. It's particularly nice for all our children as none of us have local family close by.

If we moved and found ourselves next door to another family, my children would find it hard to understand (at first) if they weren't able to behave the same way with new neighbours (thankfully not planning to move!).

I know that level of friendliness isn't what everyone likes. And that's absolutely fair enough. It would seem the Dad has now realised OP is a neighbour who values her privacy and so hopefully the situation is now resolved. But it sounds as though the children were trying to make friends, in the way kids do - often socially inappropriate ways for adults.

[Biffbaff]

We have this. Renting a mid terrace and when me and my 3yo go out in the garden it's like a public park. Next doors' kids on both sides come along poking their heads over each fence, asking incessant questions. My son just wants to quietly play! Puts us off using the garden and there is no way I could host anyone here or have a bbq or birthday party for him as there'd be commentary from the whole terrace. Even the neighbour 2 doors down joins in sometimes, all the fences are so low and because we are renting we can't change it. They sometimes just talk to each other over our garden as well! Parents don't care at all, they are usually in the garden with them.

It reminds me of going to soft play and being a magnet for other people's/child mindered neglected children. I always used to attract a gang of boisterous, inquisitive kids who were clearly in need of a sensible adult in their lives. So annoying!!!

We are moving to a semi, buying, and I can't wait!

[GlencoraP]

Trellis on top of the fence plus a very prickly climber. Or just get some of the cheap brushwood screening and nail it to top if fence to make it higher

[ConstanceGracy]

Definitely put something extra up and talk to the parents.
Saying that , we had a girl that was in my daughters class who lived in the house that backed on to our old garden, she would continuously call our daughter (they weren’t friends) if she heard any of us in the garden and one summer she even sat hanging out of her bathroom window just watching us in the paddling pool!
We put up trellis to stop the fence thing and then I told her loudly that she shouldn’t be watching people and that I’d speak to her mum .
She stopped after this!

[seashells11]

When I was a kid there was no way I was interested in adults in gardens. Seems odd to me that kids can't find ways to amuse themselves without pestering neighbours with inane questions. Glad the dad sorted it out though, at least one parent with common sense.

[mrsorms]

To be hones, I think the cheeky children are the least important of the problems in this situation. Your say there are four adults and three children in a two bedroomed terrace house? That is seven people in total. There are not only potential issues with overcrowding, but there are also potential problems with respect to fire safety regulations (has the landlord ensured that the two families can escape in the event of fire?). Another poster gave a link to Shelter's guidance on over-crowding, I live in a two bedroomed terrace house, and there is no way so many people could live comfortably or safety in this space.
Are you concerned about the children? Do they seem to be neglected etc? Do you think they are living in a potentially harmful environment?
I think it might be time for some anonymous causes for concern to be placed with the council or with children's services, if you think this may be more than just a case of intrusive children.

[mrsorms]

honest

[cherrytreesa]

"I hope you thanked the dad."

Why on earth would OP thank the dad for parenting his children ?

[Beautiful3]

Well done dad!

[MimiG34]

Waterpistol... Get them in the face 🙊😂

Although many more adult suggestions above lol I'd be pissed off too x

[SmoggieC]

What is a GFF?

[Mrssheppard18]

I can’t offer any advice but I know exactly how this feels! We used to have 8ft fences in our garden (we had kennels so had to have a secure garden) and our neighbours kids would climb up and literally stay there all day doing the exact same thing. It drove me mad to the point I just stopped going outside but then they’d still sit up there and stare through my dining room window whenever we were in there. They were always there! It felt like they were waiting and watching for us constantly. They were about around 6, 8 and 10 and their parents just let them do it. I was friends with the mum so felt awkward saying anything. I was so happy the day they moved out

[BeckyWithTheCurls]

I never understand why parents don’t educate their children regarding this kind of thing.

It doesn’t take much! The fence is 6’ high ffs! They must see their offspring clambering to take a peek over next door’s garden! I’d be telling my dc if he was doing the same!

I’d ask the children if their mum and dad were there the next time they pop their heads over, and ask them if they wouldn’t mind telling their darling children to stop peering over every bloody time you’re in the garden!! Easier said than done granted! Other alternative, just don’t engage, at all, don’t speak, don’t make eye contact, wear a Scream Mask (joking…sort of)! Anything to make their lazy parents step up!!

[lastcall]

@Pleaseleavemealone

I think dad must have read my post as he has just stood up and told the kids it’s rude to climb up and stare into other peoples gardens 😂 kid replies “what if we climb but don’t look!” Dad is having none of it mwahaha

They should have stopped it before it got to posting if he did!

We had this; Children's toy was in an inappropriate place against the fence and they would stand on it and do this. DH actually said something to the mother, but she didn't feel it was a big deal and was cross something had been said! So I started telling them to turn around and face their own gardens, that it was rude to stare into mine/at me on their toy. Loudly. Every time they were on it and staring. So their mum could hear me. The toy was moved within 3 days of that starting.

[psuedocream3]

Maybe I am a bit blunt but I would tell them to mind their own business and if they keep popping up over the fence into my garden I be speaking with their parents.

[justlliloleme]

Our neighbours kids used to do this - we put 6 foot fences up. Might be worth it for some privacy

[Insanelysilver]

I Wouid have suggested asking the parents to speak to their kids about it but if they have been out there when they’re peering over they obviously know what they’re doing and don’t care.
I’d honestly put such high trellis or garden screening up that they’d have to stand on a 12 feet ladder to look over!
If that failed I’d consider moving if you are able to as honestly I couldn’t bare it.

[AuroraSophia]

I had this issue when I first moved in. I put boundaries up immediately and was extreme enough to say I’m a stranger you shouldn’t speak to me. But also I’d just put boundaries in with the children and just say excuse me this is my garden you stay in your own garden. And if this doesn’t work confront the parents. You have to live there too xx

[Paquerette]

@Oversize

Cantilever parasol angled so they can't see in.

This.

Or a shade sail, also angled so that they can’t see you.