Aibu not to give him the money?

[StraxDestroyerOfAll]

Me and the ex split up about a month ago, his idea, we have 2 DC’s. It’s still pretty raw for me but he’s getting on with it. Saying I need to move on and get on with my life. Yea not so easy with 2 kids.

Anyway he had asked a while back to lend a big chunk of money for something important. I was saving the whole time so I could lend it him. He would need in the next couple of weeks.

Would I be unreasonable not to give it him? I wouldn’t think that he’d be able to lend it off anyone else and it’s probably petty of me. But would you still expect a loan from someone who you walked out on?

Unless it's a deposit for a home for his kids to stay in then no way would I suggest you lend it to him!

Not even then!!! He can go crying to his mummy or OW…

I would say, sorry now I'm a single parent I need all the money I have and am just not in a position to provide loans at this time

Personally I wouldn't. My ex walked out and continued treating me like a doormat and expecting me to lend him money etc and I'm unemployed, our kid also lives with me.

He has now ceased contact and refuses to hand over money to provide for his child. As you can imagine I regret any help I gave him.

Ha! I can't believe he would be so cheeky as to expect you to do him a massive favour when he left!

Of course you shouldn't lend to him.

Your circumstances are very different now. Definitely do not lend him any money.

It’s still pretty raw for me but he’s getting on with it. Saying I need to move on and get on with my life.

@StraxDestroyerOfAll Your answer is in your OP. He’s told you to “move on and get on with your life”. Well, you’ll need money to do that!

Fuck him and the horse he rode in on!

noooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Why are you even asking this??? This is a man you’re going to have to try and get CMS from and believe you me, that’s going to be hard enough. It might start off easy but it often doesn’t end well. Keep your nest egg and don’t lend it to him because I can guarantee that you’ll never see it again.

no fucking way! even if he was a 100% positive return, no no no no no

you would be mad to lend him the money!

Absolutely zero chance in hell

also BE PETTY! do not lend, he fucked you off.

use the money to move house and start a new life. He is an ex - any agreement made in a relationship is off the table

period.

He technically agreed to be in a loving relationship, if that's broken everything's off the table. I'd say no more than laugh and say, "No, why on earth do you think I'd do that now?!!!" Slam.

No. I hope you wouldn't sleep with him or go on holiday etc, so why lend him money?
Be civil, you have to coparent, but you can't be friends at the moment. You can review the relationship later when you see what kind of dad and expartner he is.
For now protect yourself. This scumbag left with no discussion, no attempt to resolve problems, don't trust him

Definitely do not give him a penny and if the kids are primarily resident with you make sure you’re claiming maintenance

Don’t give him a penny. He walked out? Surely ypu’ll need every penny if you plan to re-locate?

Me and the ex split up about a month ago, his idea, we have 2 DC’s. It’s still pretty raw for me but he’s getting on with it. Saying I need to move on and get on with my life. Yea not so easy with 2 kids.

He walked out and wants you to move on so no you shouldn't lend him any money. It sounds as if you will need the money yourself anyway. I would probably give him warning though so he doesn't come asking at the last minute. You can frame it as being consideratw so he doesn't get caught out. If you still have a text or email where he says this I would sebd a reply to it saying you've been reading through his messages to you and realised after the month that's passed that he's right. You sadly accept are no longer a couple and that this means how you interacted and shared things will be different from now on. You hope the two of you can co-parent amicably but understand that you will no longer be supporting each other except where it has a direct impact on the dc. In view of that it would no longer be appropriate to create any new financial ties, and you also need to take steps to secure a future for yourself that will require all your savings for that. Due to the change in circumstances you will not be in a position to lend him any money. You are sure he wouldn't be expecting this any way as he has expressed his wish for you to move on and get on with your life, but wanted to be clear so he has chance to make other arrangements.

I've been a single parent for 17 years and am still in friendly terms with the father of my kids and there's no chance I'd lend him money. It's not petty or spiteful it's looking after you own and the kids interest.

How much money are you talking about? Because if you need to claim UC now you've split up, and you've just given away a few grand then it's not going to look good.

It's another "no way Jose"...it isn't about an "agreement" and I see you seem a good person but please don't let people abuse your goodness. He had no morals when he dumped you. Keep this as a rainy day fund for you and the kids. Even if you do trust him to refund you, you never know what is around the corner and if he will keep to his words. More importantly -we don't know the sum involved- if he was to refund you, you don't want to be "tied" up to him due to this for months or years.

Fuck him, he can rely on someone else

When he brings it up… because he will… “Bahahaha…. No.”

Or, “That sounds like a You problem…”

hell no!

And re-read this thread when he, inevitably, tries to emotionally blackmail you.

You promised to lend it to your life partner. But he aint your life partner no more.......so?!

thank goodness you are NOT lending him this Money... He would be beyond arrogant to even assume he could still take it .. 🌸