Aibu not to give him the money?

[StraxDestroyerOfAll]

Me and the ex split up about a month ago, his idea, we have 2 DC’s. It’s still pretty raw for me but he’s getting on with it. Saying I need to move on and get on with my life. Yea not so easy with 2 kids.

Anyway he had asked a while back to lend a big chunk of money for something important. I was saving the whole time so I could lend it him. He would need in the next couple of weeks.

Would I be unreasonable not to give it him? I wouldn’t think that he’d be able to lend it off anyone else and it’s probably petty of me. But would you still expect a loan from someone who you walked out on?

Hang on, you didn't have the money but you've been saving it for him? Why couldn't he save his own money??? If he didn't have enough spare cash to be able to save then no chance is he going to be able to find the money to repay you!

Charitable interpretation is he doesn't need the money but wanted to make sure you had some saved before he left...

Don’t lend him a bean! Tell him that obviously you won’t be lending him anything now he’s left you as a single parent and you need your financial security. What’s the money for?

Not a cat in hells chance!! He dumped you. Keep that money- you may need it in the future.

Oh poor ex - fucking tough luck!! Don't give him a single penny. What an arsehole.

Let him know soon that he needs to make other arrangements for finding the money.

Absolutely not! You're not his 'banker'. You'll need it now you're a single parent thanks to him. Knob.

I wouldn't mention it..but if he asks I would tell him to f**k off

Is he an ex partner or STBXH?
It sounds as though you kept your finances separate but if you were married can he say it's half his money anyway?
Either way he'd be a massive CF to dump you and still expect such a huge favour. Especially for something that sounds essentially like a boy's toy.

Please do not lend it to him.

@TheNinny

No, use it to get on with your life. He left you with 2 kids, as you said in your OP, it’s easier said than done. Your money should be to help you. He can find another woman to lend to him if he hasn’t already (sorry, I don’t mean to be flippant but it’s not an unlikely scenario).

Not at all. The thought had crossed my mind as it was very sudden. Just one day poof it’s not working etc blah blah blah.

Absolutely no bloody way.

No he’s a definite ex. Yes we did keep them separate. I don’t think I could even tell you how much he earned to be honest. I never asked for money. His was always his and mine was always mine.

Not married so can’t claim that half of anything is his.

Fuck that shit.

You might think he's well intentioned and that he'll pay the money back but the world is full of women who thought their partners would be honourable after a split and got fucked over in divorce, child maintenance etc.

He'd have a fucking cheek to ask but I bet he still does.

I'd lay very good odds you will never see that money again.

If he asked to borrow the money before the split, I'd presume that he won't be expecting to borrow it from you now that you have separated.

If he does ask, as PPs have said, definitely say no - but stop giving it headspace - you probably have more than enough to worry about and get on with without worrying about this.

Ditto to the chorus of nos. If he's unpleasant about if you can just point out that it's perfectly normal to help a boyfriend financially but not remotely normal to help an ex.

Nope. If he asks tell him you've moved on and got on with your life and bought yourself something nice with your money. He can bugger off!

I wouldn’t lend it to him, you’re much more financially vulnerable as a single parent so keep what you’ve saved so far as your rainy day fund.

You'd have to be an absolute fool to lend him anything.

You owe him fuck all. He'd have a nerve to come with his hand out after walking out and telling you to move on with your life

Well, you have. And part of that is not lending money to an ex.

Don't be a mug. Practice saying hell no just in case he's actually got the nerve to ask

@StraxDestroyerOfAll

No he’s a definite ex. Yes we did keep them separate. I don’t think I could even tell you how much he earned to be honest. I never asked for money. His was always his and mine was always mine.

Not married so can’t claim that half of anything is his.

Good -- if he does ask for the loan tell him you (and the children) need the money now as you're a single parent household.

Please don’t do it .

If it is as a business need and affected his ability to provide for the DC, maybe.

Otherwise, fuck that shot, of course not! You need your money to support yourself, he’s got no reason to expect it if you any more than he would a stranger on the street.

Remember that you are not his priority anymore. He fucked off and thinks you should move on. Well moving on means him not expecting you to lend him money!
It's hard to adjust your mindset to putting yourself first but you have to keep in mind that he's certainly putting himself first

Oh no way! He'd be a massive cheeky fucker if he asked. And file for child maintenance asap.

Tbh I doubt there's anyone in the world apart from him who thinks you should lend it to him!

What did he want the money for?

Thank you all of you. I honestly thought I’d be told the opposite.

I have good days when I think fuck him why should I to then the opposite where I think I’ve technically already agreed to lending it so should see it though. I know he’s gonna think I’m doing it to get back at him and ruining something for him just because I can. Which I suppose in part it might be.

He doesn't get to benefit from your savings, you're not in a relationship any more. If he asks again, say you're taking his advice and using your savings to 'get on with life'. It doesn't matter what was agreed, things have changed since.