Aibu not to give him the money?

[StraxDestroyerOfAll]

Me and the ex split up about a month ago, his idea, we have 2 DC’s. It’s still pretty raw for me but he’s getting on with it. Saying I need to move on and get on with my life. Yea not so easy with 2 kids.

Anyway he had asked a while back to lend a big chunk of money for something important. I was saving the whole time so I could lend it him. He would need in the next couple of weeks.

Would I be unreasonable not to give it him? I wouldn’t think that he’d be able to lend it off anyone else and it’s probably petty of me. But would you still expect a loan from someone who you walked out on?

[DoubleTweenQueen]

@altiara Perfect! :D

[altiara]

So if he asks for money, respond “you have to move on”

Other responses “I agreed to lend my partner money, not any old random knob”

[DoubleTweenQueen]

@StraxDestroyerOfAll Every happiness for your future xx

[TankFlyBossW4lk]

Do not give him anything!

[Howshouldibehave]

Well done! What did he say when you told him?!

[Jellycatspyjamas]

Part of moving on is not lending money to an ex. No reason to feel bad or petty about - I’d guess it’ll come in handy for you, and will help you move on.

[FuckyouCovid21]

Well he's right, you do need to move on and it's still odd that you expected him to ask for it now you've split, which he hasn't done.

Did you think giving him the money would bring him back, is that what you want?

[StraxDestroyerOfAll]

Hi all!

Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement. He is not having the money and I’m hopefully going to view some houses next week. I had another “you have to move on” message from him. Which was again pretty hurtful. So this is what I’m doing.

[BlueDaises]

Be prepared for Him to have the audacity to still ask 🤣

and enjoy saying NO ☺️

[1WayOrAnother2]

Glad you are not going to lend the money OP. He ended the contract between you when he left - the emotional and financial parts are not separate.

(Would you have agreed to lend to someone you did not love/trust as a DP?)

I imagine that there is someone else involved... but perhaps they are more reluctant to offer that loan.

[Iwantcauliflowercheese]

How do you know that he would now spend it as originally intended? Imagine social media being plastered with pictures of him and OW sunning themselves on holiday ON YOUR MONEY?

[Wheresmybiscuit3]

That’s a hard no

[billy1966]

@HollowTalk

I would use that money to go and live where you want to live. I wouldn't show him any loyalty by staying put.

OP,
Unbelievable that you have to ask.

Watch that.

You should know that you owe him nothing.

Use that money to move to where you have the best support for the future.

[FunMcCool]

No I wouldn’t lend him the money. It’s different when your partners but when that none is gone, you don’t need to go above and beyond anymore.

[Ohhyeahright]

Hard no from me

[ScottishNewbie]

100% DONT DO IT!

[showmewhatyougot]

Do not hand a penny over, why would he pay back someone he does not want to be with anymore? Nothing to loose, but money to gain.

Hope your ok, do something nice for yourselves with the money x

[SmokeyDevil]

Nope. Simple answer to him is: 'you need to move on and get on with your life'. He can start saving.

I'm guessing since it's something purely for him, it's a hobby of sorts? New computer? New bike?

Whatever it is, that money is better being used on your children. Not a man who is a twat.

[TeaDrinker247]

Will you not need it now that you’ve split? Costs will be higher. Protect yourself and your kids before helping others.

[BonnieDundee]

I have good days when I think fuck him why should I to then the opposite where I think I’ve technically already agreed to lending it so should see it though.

Your circumstances have changed and you can't afford it any more even if you can

[PandorasMailbox]

Would I be unreasonable not to give it him? I wouldn’t think that he’d be able to lend it off anyone else and it’s probably petty of me

It's not being petty, it's called self-preservation. He chose his path so let him walk it without expecting you to carry him.

[Newestname001]

I'm glad you're not goi g to lend your ex-partner any money @StraxDestroyerOfAll

You may think he'd pay you back but the strong likelihood is that you really wouldn't. It's not even "spare" money - you had to save to get it. He should do the same - especially as it sounds whatever he wants your money for doesn't benefit you or your children.

On the other hand - contact CMS and get your claim for child maintenance in ASAP.

Also contact your local council and get your council tax 25% single person's discount.

Good luck and stay strong! 🌹



Sent from my iPhone

[clpsmum]

Absolutely do not give him it under any circumstances

[BlueButtercups]

thank goodness you are NOT lending him this Money... He would be beyond arrogant to even assume he could still take it .. 🌸

[PyongyangKipperbang]

hell no!

And re-read this thread when he, inevitably, tries to emotionally blackmail you.

You promised to lend it to your life partner. But he aint your life partner no more.......so?!