Aibu not to give him the money?

[StraxDestroyerOfAll]

Me and the ex split up about a month ago, his idea, we have 2 DC’s. It’s still pretty raw for me but he’s getting on with it. Saying I need to move on and get on with my life. Yea not so easy with 2 kids.

Anyway he had asked a while back to lend a big chunk of money for something important. I was saving the whole time so I could lend it him. He would need in the next couple of weeks.

Would I be unreasonable not to give it him? I wouldn’t think that he’d be able to lend it off anyone else and it’s probably petty of me. But would you still expect a loan from someone who you walked out on?

[HugeAckmansWife]

He technically already agreed to have a family with you. He didn't keep that agreement did he? You havent said if he is or will pay maintenance. As you don't know what he earns I suggest you open a case with the cms today. They'll contact him, see the evidence and tell him what he has to pay. Don't agree to be nice and sort it between you. The cms doesn't have to be seen as punitive enforcement (ha!) but simply a means to keep things impersonal.

[User52739]

Why would you even consider giving it to him?!

[Bluntness100]

Omg I can’t believe this is even a question. And that you think by saying no he will think you’re doing it to be petty.

You’re no longer together, he’s likely with someone else, either way you don’t lend him money, that would be beyond a ludicrous doormat thing to do, you just say no I’m sorry we are no longer a couple, it Eas different when we were together. Clearly it would be in appropriate now, as we both need to move on with our lives.

[StraxDestroyerOfAll]

@NeverDropYourMoonCup I want to move house. I've never felt at home here. I'm miles away from everyone I know. I have no friends here.
Thank you. It feels like it's been a long time that anyone has asked what I want.

[osbertthesyrianhamster]

This isn't even a question. He dumped you. You're not together. He doesn't get your money.

[ememem84]

The only way I’d even consider it would be to get a legal agreement drawn up re repayment within the next 12m at a ridiculous interest rate.

But even then it’d have to be for a really good reason.

[Leeds2]

I certainly wouldn't lend him anything.

Would he even expect you to, given what he has done?

[Therealjudgejudy]

I actually cant believe you are asking this question. Your self-esteem must be very low.

Keep that money as a safety net for you and your kids. Also, treat yourself to something nice. You deserve it much more than your awful ex.

[icelollycraving]

100% no! Not a chance you’d get it back. I’d also take great delight in saying no tbh. Very few men leave a partner when they have no one lined up. So, let’s say he wants the money for a car, how would you feel about the car being used with his gf, because there will be one, I’d get your maintenance claim in pdq.

[MrsPerfect12]

No no no! He'd be cheeky to ask.

[MrsPerfect12]

Of fact tell him you spend it on a designer bag as your getting on with life.

[icelollycraving]

When did he last mention it? He must be very stupid to expect it landing in his bank account.

[sussexman]

Of course not! Tell him he'll have to "get on with his life"

[SeaToSki]

OP. If you were taking out a mortgage together (theoretically speaking) and before you completed on the house and received the money you had a big change in circumstances (loosing a job, splitting up etc) you would have to tell the mortgage company. They would likely rescind their offer of a mortgage due to the change in circumstances.

What you are doing is rescinding the loan due to a change in circumstances…. He is no longer living with you and sharing a life with you.

Do not lend him the money

[chocoblock]

Don't give him anything think of you're kids that money might be needed for them, you're a single parent now just say no

[NeverDropYourMoonCup]

[quote StraxDestroyerOfAll]@NeverDropYourMoonCup I want to move house. I've never felt at home here. I'm miles away from everyone I know. I have no friends here.
Thank you. It feels like it's been a long time that anyone has asked what I want.[/quote]
My pleasure - and the speed you replied makes it all the more important; you know what you want. Don't let him take that away from you. Don't tell him it's what you're planning (because he will go apeshit and accuse you of taking his kids away when it's really just that he wants your money).

Get looking for that perfect place where you will be around friends, where you belong and want to be. Home.

[lechatnoir]

Not only would I not lend him any money please God don't be one of those posters who comes on in six months to say they lent money and now can't get it back, I would actually raise the subject yourself now and get it over and done with. I don't think you need to make a big issue of it "clearly now we're not together I won't be lending you that money". Then ignore ignore ignore all the 'but you promised' bullshit that will inevitably follow.
Everything changed when he decided to up sticks and leave.

[1WayOrAnother2]

No - it would not be petty- have some fun and use your freedom. Enjoy that 'extra' money in any way that suits you. What would you like to use it for?

(Loans are not a basis for a good friendship in the future. )

[1WayOrAnother2]

[quote StraxDestroyerOfAll]@NeverDropYourMoonCup I want to move house. I've never felt at home here. I'm miles away from everyone I know. I have no friends here.
Thank you. It feels like it's been a long time that anyone has asked what I want.[/quote]
Just saw this Strax - how wonderful. You have a plan.

He said that 'I need to move on and get on with my life.'
There you are - from his mouth!

Go for it and enjoy the 'moving on' he suggested.

[VettiyaIruken]

You now have the money to move .
Do that. Don't be isolated, go to where you will have support.

[Groovee]

I wouldn't lend it. I'd just say it's no longer an offer seeing as he dumped you. You need that to move on with the children. You need to do what's best for you x

[FlowerArranger]

You'd be absolutely insane to lend him any money! !

And I'm flabbergasted that you never knew how much he earned, seeing that he is the father of your children. Chances are you got financially shafted all along.

Please tell me he is at least paying maintenance?

[chocoblock]

Your*

[Maddison12]

Glad to see you've been talked out of loaning him money!

Feel no guilt about it, especially since you have suspicions there's someone else.

Spend your savings on moving closer to family/ friends or something else that'll make you happy

[IsThePopeCatholic]

No, you’ll need the money for you and the kids.