Aibu not to give him the money?

[StraxDestroyerOfAll]

Me and the ex split up about a month ago, his idea, we have 2 DC’s. It’s still pretty raw for me but he’s getting on with it. Saying I need to move on and get on with my life. Yea not so easy with 2 kids.

Anyway he had asked a while back to lend a big chunk of money for something important. I was saving the whole time so I could lend it him. He would need in the next couple of weeks.

Would I be unreasonable not to give it him? I wouldn’t think that he’d be able to lend it off anyone else and it’s probably petty of me. But would you still expect a loan from someone who you walked out on?

[StraxDestroyerOfAll]

@NoSquirrels no defo not something that would help in anyway for either me or the DCs.

[MilduraS]

No and you shouldn't need to justify it but if you feel you do, point out that you're a single parent now and you need the security of your savings. What if your fence blows down, your boiler breaks and you have a leak that needs a plumber on a bank holiday? All three happened to me within 6 months, my savings have taken a big kicking.

[2ndtimemum2]

Op you agreed to do it because you were in a relationship with him. Circumstances have now changed you are no longer responsible to pick up pieces for him. Let him go to a bank!

[DinosaurDiana]

Do not give him a single penny.

[TeenMinusTests]

tbh He was stupid to split up with you a month ago rather than in a month's time when he would have had the loan.

No way should you lend it to him.

what's it for?

[TedMullins]

Erm no he can get fucked. I’m baffled as to why you’d even consider it.

[Tistheseason17]

I hope he does not persuade you to lend it to him.
I only lend to someone I trust implicitly.
He left you without notice - not the actions of a trustworthy person.
Don't lend it.

[SpeakingFranglais]

No from me love, absolutely not.

If he asks just refuse and remind him he cut ties.

[AtrociousCircumstance]

Absolutely not. Not a penny.

[MotherofTerriers]

He said you need to move on. Why on earth would you lend him money. If you've saved it up, use it for yourself and the kids
Or keep it as savings for an emergency
And get your child maintenance application in sharpish

[VettiyaIruken]

Even if it was to "get back at him", that's still ok. You don't have to be nice, kind and accomodating to someone who dumped you and, basically, dismissively told you to suck it up.

What he may or may not think of you for not being willing to chuck cash at a man who walked out on you is of no importance.

[WinterSunglasses]

If it was to pay for some medical procedure like surgery that would have a transformative effect on his health, and that he'd otherwise be waiting for for years on the NHS, then I might still consider it because of the secondary benefit then to your kids in having a healthier dad.

Anything else at all: nope.

Are you still getting any of the benefits of being in a relationship with him? No, because it's ended and he's said you have to move on. Same goes for him then. Now he'll have to find some other source of a free loan.

[Twoforthree]

If he has the cheek to ask, then you just say no, as things have obviously changed and you might need it.

[HollowTalk]

But you're not a business that lends money. You agreed to lend your partner some money. Then he dumped you and told you to move on. He can't then say you should lend him the money!

How much did he need to borrow? (I wouldn't think you'd have a cat in hell's chance of getting it all back anyway.)

[VettiyaIruken]

Oh, and if he threatens you, for example saying he can't support his kids (can't = won't) that's MORE reason to not give it because he will have just demonstrated that he is happy to be a dick about feeding his children. You will need that safety net.

[Panaesthesia]

Another baffled why you'd even consider it. He walked out. He insist you 'move on'. Then, what, he comes back and demands you pay for his little luxuries? That isn't how it works. Frankly he should have been saving himself for his own things anyway, you're not his mother.

[elfycat]

Your agreement to loan him the money was based on you being in a relationship. He changed the parameters of that, not you.

You are merely responding to the change in circumstances. As others have said you should keep the money to ensure your own security. If he had the brass neck to ask just Paddington Bear stare him and say no.

[Inertia]

You agreed to lend to your partner within a committed relationship. When he ended the relationship, the entire basis for the agreement changed.

You would be an utter fool to give him the money (being realistic, you wouldn’t get it back).

Your children need the money and security now you are a single parent.

I would consider putting the savings into an ISA with a several-day notice period, so he can’t easily coerce you.

[Oneandanotherone]

Definitely no, all bets are off in a split up, you’ll likely see a very different side to him now, I hope you’ve got the finances for the kids sorted.

[Iloveacurry]

Definitely don’t lend him the money. He’s not your problem anymore.

[Cushionsnotpillows]

You know it wouldn't be a loan, it would be a gift as you sure as shit would never see a penny of it back again so NO! Do not give him any of your money as you need it for your own household.

[MRex]

He can't reasonably expect you to spend your money on him when he's no longer part of the family unit. If he asks, just say that life is unfortunately more expensive for separated parents because of the separate living costs and so you need the money. Don't be drawn nor discuss how much money you have, how much you earn, how much the costs are etc - sorry but that's my personal information.

[NeverDropYourMoonCup]

@StraxDestroyerOfAll

Thank you all of you. I honestly thought I’d be told the opposite.

I have good days when I think fuck him why should I to then the opposite where I think I’ve technically already agreed to lending it so should see it though. I know he’s gonna think I’m doing it to get back at him and ruining something for him just because I can. Which I suppose in part it might be.

You agreed to lending your PARTNER a significant sum of money. somebody you believed loved you.

You didn't agree to lending somebody who doesn't love you a significant sum of money.


It's the consequences of his actions - he dumped you probably got another woman lined up going by the move on comments , so no longer wanted a partner; he doesn't get the advantages of borrowing from a partner, then, does he?


He'll just have to save up for longer, borrow from the bank new girlfriend he's not admitting to or go without. He's unhappy about that? Tough shit. He's disappointed that he doesn't get thing/holiday/car/dick enhancement surgery at the time he wanted and thinks that you're being mean? Ah, well, things change, you aren't together anymore, he needs to move on and not be so bitter about it.



He's not your partner anymore. So his financial dealings are not your problem anymore.

[1stDay123456]

No he needs to save up himself
Or
Apply for a bank loan himself

Do not lend the money

[Jaichangecentfoisdenom]

Why should you? He's your ex. He upped and left you suddenly, get on with your life and use the money you've saved for yourself and your children, not him. Please don't overthink this or try to be the better person in this particular case. As he says, move on and get on with your life - and that obviously does not include fulfilling a promise you made him when you were together.