Dp being too forceful

[Whereswally2]

sorry dont know If this will be triggering to some

A couple of times now whe do goes through his "extra on heat" days he has found it appropriate to grab my head and push me down onto him for oral. At the time I've thought nothing of it and would laugh at him whilst he was doing it, but I would be pushing back against him to get my head back up and he wouldnt give. I'm my partners first and only gf so I dont know where he has picked that up from (porn maybe?) I took it to be light hearted and would tell him that doing this would get him no where however now that I'm thinking about it, it's just plain disrespectful joke or not. I know that if I gave in and gave him head from it he would be quite happy so there is obviously some sort of truth to his actions. I just think it's a horrible way to show his frustration. We have a newborn and arent really having sex so yes he maybe horny but honestly this is just a turn off.

I know it sounds really bad writing it down and I most likely should of felt like this sooner but I'm used to my sexual encounters being a give and not receive bases so I guess it just went past me. Sad really. In terms of sex life it is never equal. Its primarily me performing for dp. I've gone above and beyond for him and cant say he has ever done anything for me. He doesnt make me climax but then again no one ever has. When I pull him up on it he says he would love to put more effort into me during sex but I dont let him and restrict him (which is not true I just dont like oral). He has plenty of opportunity but never acts upon it.

What I'm trying to get at is the head forcing something worth getting into an arguement about, because I know that's what it will become

@ElizabethTudor it's with anything. If he is in the wrong and I call him out on it instead of apologising he will sulk around the house and say things like "I'm not good enough for you" "why would you want to be with me" "I cant help it"

[quote Whereswally2]@ElizabethTudor it's with anything. If he is in the wrong and I call him out on it instead of apologising he will sulk around the house and say things like "I'm not good enough for you" "why would you want to be with me" "I cant help it"[/quote]

Please see this for what it is. He has all the makings of a real nasty cunt. He is shaping you to apologise for his abuse. To accept it.

I'd go into a refuge with my baby before staying with this abusive man . This is very sad, you've been conditioned to accept abuse somehow.

Do you want to be in a relationship with this man?

I know you have a tiny baby, but don't stay just for that reason if you don't like how he treats you.

Are you in his house? He’s so manipulative
Please leave him

Call womens aid for advice, and also make sure you're careful with your browsing history and calls list so that he can't see.

He is in victim mode and trying to manipulate you, but don't pander to it. Stand strong. Explain you don't want him to grab your head anymore and he is not to do it...then if he continues you know he has zero respect for your wants and boundaries.

He might be a total arse, he might just be a totally selfish man-child and have background stuff that's affecting how he sees a normal/healthy relationship.

I hope you're okay OP. x

He cant help it? what being a prick

Extra on heat days? You put it in quote marks so I assume he's said it to you as an excuse for his disgusting behaviour. Get rid.

That is horribly manipulative behaviour.
Taking no responsibility for anything, his own actions or behaviour.

Absolutely disgusting. I am so sorry for you OP. You and your baby deserve better.

[quote Whereswally2]@ElizabethTudor it's with anything. If he is in the wrong and I call him out on it instead of apologising he will sulk around the house and say things like "I'm not good enough for you" "why would you want to be with me" "I cant help it"[/quote]
Anytime he says this and sulks you need to ignore him. Do not placate him or you will have a lifetime of this.

There's a huge difference between consensual "force" and forceful behaviour.

In a previous relationship, we were quite rough together and exDP would push my head down for oral, but if I ever pushed back as though I didn't want to, it would stop.

It sounds like he has taken his lead from porn. You need to tell him you don't want to feel forced into giving him oral. That it's a turn off for you and won't get him anywhere! And if he wants a consensual sexual relationship with you, he needs to listen because turning you off will not lead to sex!

[quote Whereswally2]@ElizabethTudor it's with anything. If he is in the wrong and I call him out on it instead of apologising he will sulk around the house and say things like "I'm not good enough for you" "why would you want to be with me" "I cant help it"[/quote]
There is one answer to this. It is:

"You are correct. You are not good enough and I no longer want to be with you."

Call Women's Aid. You need to get yourself and your baby out of that situation. It isn't safe. What you describe is assault and is very serious.

[quote Whereswally2]@ElizabethTudor he either gets defensive or shuts down completely and becomes a massive pity party. Then it results in me somehow having to coax him into being okay like he is the victim olin the situation because it's all woe is me[/quote]
You get naked and willingly have sex with this revolting specimen…??

That was horrible to read op, I'm so sorry you're in this situation. This is not a good or equal relationship.
As to whether it's worth arguing about the head-forcing - I would not tolerate that for one moment. If he can't treat you with the respect you deserve then he needs dumping.

I wouldn't get into an argument about it, I'd have run too far away for him to hear me! I'd be in my own home with my baby. All alone and peaceful, without someone there who treats me like their own personal sex toy.

Yes the head thing is worth getting into an argument about.

You say don’t do that again I don’t like. You say that very clearly and strongly. Don’t get it derailed into anything else or answer any other questions. Just say that and say you don’t want him to do it again. Say it umambiguously

Then if he does it again you know what to do don’t you.

[quote Whereswally2]@ElizabethTudor it's with anything. If he is in the wrong and I call him out on it instead of apologising he will sulk around the house and say things like "I'm not good enough for you" "why would you want to be with me" "I cant help it"[/quote]
Responses - 'You're right'. 'I don't' and 'Yes, you can'

@SunshineCake

Extra on heat days? You put it in quote marks so I assume he's said it to you as an excuse for his disgusting behaviour. Get rid.

The 'on heat days' made me cringe...like what is he, a dog?!

Being hornier some days that others is normal, but describing it as extra-on-heat makes it sounds like he would shag anything going (like a dog, with a leg or a pillow) with little regard for anyone else other than getting his end away. Grim.

This is sexual assault, OP.

My ex was like this

Note the EX

It's sexual assault.

Agree @CookieClub I hate that society (?) has conditioned us that 'men can't help' being horny, they have 'no control' and my favourite 'blue balls is so painful and a woman's responsibility to fix'

You don’t have to put up with this, he sounds awful! He doesn’t care about you, just sees you as some sort of sex doll. No doubt he’s learnt everything from porn.
Sex sounds shit with him so I wouldn’t even bother.
Honestly I would leave, maybe call women’s Aid to find out your options.

Statistics do say partners can become more abusive during pregnancy and after birth.. No idea why.

Because the women feel trapped and so are less likely to leave. More likely to give him extra chances to change, because they don't want to be a single mum or want to stay together "for the sake of the children" not realising that being brought up in an abusive environment is not what's best for the children at all. The abusers know all this.