Should partner top up lost tax credits?

[greenorangeblue]

To keep it brief, my partner of three years moved in to look after me after a major op. I've got one teen ds.
I've stopped my wtc, which was approximately £600 a month.
Finances are separate. He was earning £45,000 when he moved in. Now has another job earning £25,000.
I'm se, earn about £12,000.
I pay the household bills, approximately £350.He buys the food, about the same amount. (House owned by me outright).
Should he be reimbursing me my lost wtc? Some of it? All of it? Thoughts please?
I'm feeling a bit hard done by tbh but don't want to fleece him. I sometimes think why should I be worse off because he moved in? Or am I being a money grabber?

Then don't move him in...
If I was him I wouldn't pay you your lost WTC. Regardless of who moves in with you this would happen. Alternatively sell the house, buy one together and split all costs, bills etc.

Have you told him you're worse off, and how much? Has he offered to reimburse you? If he's a decent person he wouldn't want you to lose money due to him moving in.

He’s moving in to look after you so you’re not worse off in that sense.

This all sounds very transactional on your part.

Is it a permanent situation until you are recovered from your op, or will you need permanent care, or do you both want to live together regardless?
Did he take the lower paid salary in order to care for you?
What housing costs did he have before and is he now saving on them?

When my dh2 moved in with me (I also owned my house outright) we looked at overall costs, including what I'd lose in tax credits, and he transferred a monthly amount to me. He also brought a reasonable proportion of our total food budget.

Was he paying rent before? If you're worse off and he is better off based on this new living arrangement, I think it's worth a conversation about how to manage your finances so that the financial impact is shared more fairly. I don't think it should be "repay my tax credits!" but maybe there is a bill that he can take over, for example.

And how much are you paying him for personal care? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sounds like you didn’t think it through at all.

Also: how fucked is our benefits system that someone can get £600 a month from the state when they own a house outright? 😳

@Chasingsquirrels

Is it a permanent situation until you are recovered from your op, or will you need permanent care, or do you both want to live together regardless? Did he take the lower paid salary in order to care for you? What housing costs did he have before and is he now saving on them?

When my dh2 moved in with me (I also owned my house outright) we looked at overall costs, including what I'd lose in tax credits, and he transferred a monthly amount to me. He also brought a reasonable proportion of our total food budget.

It's permanent now, although I was happy to stay as it was. It was only due to my op that he moved in, and didn't leave. He was paying minimal rent where he was before, with friends. Job change due to redundancy and scarcity of better paid work.

He’s moved in to look after you, so providing personal care, plus sounds like he’s paying his fair share of the bills, yet you want your PARTNER to reimburse you for lost benefits??? This has to be one of the oddest, most self centred posts I’ve ever seen.

How about him moving back out, you getting all your benefits back and then PAYING for carers? Poor bloke, let’s hope he runs for the hills.

I think so. I'm the same as you, get WTC and own my house (not outright though, I've got a mortgage) and I wouldn't move a partner into my home.

No personal care involved, totally recovered from op now.

Well you now save the £350 on shopping hes taken over paying for?

So your down £250 and he is doing this to help you out from an op

Is it a permanent move?

He should not have to replace your benefits. What a ridiculous ask

Has he given up his home and any expenses related to another home? Or is this temporary?

If it's the former then I think having a conversation generally about finances is probably a good idea. Though if the household expenses are £700 and you are splitting them 50/50 then I think you have a pretty good deal to be honest given there are two of you and one of him.

Also, if you are left with £650 a month after bills and food then that's a pretty decent amount.

So YABU to expect him to compensate your lost tax credits.

Yeah, you’re being a money grabber.

He pays half the household costs, cares for you for free, but you want him to pay more?

If You only want to recover this lost money because you used to save it then open a joint account and ask him to save for the both of you.

If it was to spend on lots of stuff then both pay the bills and do a 40/60 split of what’s left, but then I assume he will be missing out more than you currently are.

Maybe suck it up or kick him out?

It is a hard one because you don’t know if the relationship will last. It’s a gamble.

I’d suggest a split of household costs more in line with your income disparity - if everything is around £700 then he should pay £500 rather than £350. But if you want the same money as you had previously, ask him to move out and reclaim your tax credits, it’s not his responsibility to ensure nothing about your situation changes when his will also have changed (particularly the insecurity for him of living in a house where he has no tenancy rights and you could kick him out on a whim at any time.)

YANBU, you must not be worse off because of him.

We'll he's financially better off because he doesn't pay rent or mortgage and you're losing out financially even though he's the higher earner?

He should be contributing more.

God no. He moved in to help you and you want to charge him for that? He's also worse off now because he's feeding you and your son aswell as himself. It all ballances out in the grand scheme of things.

He didn't give up a house, he was staying with friends at minimal cost.

You need to talk to him about contributing to bills.

He moved in to help you after an op- so, presumably, at least partly for your benefit? If so, then I think you are unreasonable to feel hard done by. He has moved in to help you and you want him to pay you £600 (plus his contribution to the bills by way of food etc)? By all means ask for a contribution as some form of rent but I think asking for the full amount because you feel “hard done by” when he is a) helping you; b)your partner who you asked or agreed to moving in is unreasonable.

If you really aren’t happy then you could ask him to move out and see if someone else can provide the help you need? A friend or relative who might mice in to help for a few weeks, or could pop round daily/every few days (depending on what level of help you need)? If longer term than that, you might have to consider paying for the help, or asking for a care needs assessment.

I think this situation is odd because you haven't moved in for the usual reasons.

To me you move in with someone when you are ready to be a shared household, with a proper conversation about what that means for finances. Was your partner aware you would lose entitlement to wtc as a result of cohabiting?

What a bizarre way to look at things.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I think this situation is odd because you haven't moved in for the usual reasons.

To me you move in with someone when you are ready to be a shared household, with a proper conversation about what that means for finances. Was your partner aware you would lose entitlement to wtc as a result of cohabiting?

Yes it is odd, I was happy the way things were tbh. No care needed any more, this was a while ago, I'm fully recovered. Yes he does know I'm now not getting wtc.