Should partner top up lost tax credits?

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To keep it brief, my partner of three years moved in to look after me after a major op. I've got one teen ds.
I've stopped my wtc, which was approximately £600 a month.
Finances are separate. He was earning £45,000 when he moved in. Now has another job earning £25,000.
I'm se, earn about £12,000.
I pay the household bills, approximately £350.He buys the food, about the same amount. (House owned by me outright).
Should he be reimbursing me my lost wtc? Some of it? All of it? Thoughts please?
I'm feeling a bit hard done by tbh but don't want to fleece him. I sometimes think why should I be worse off because he moved in? Or am I being a money grabber?

@Cocomarine

Also: how fucked is our benefits system that someone can get £600 a month from the state when they own a house outright? 😳

I get what you mean to a degree but it’s based on income not assets.

So it’s going to cost him £600 to replace wtc and £350 food shopping per month if he wants to be your ‘live in boyfriend’. I’m surprised he’s even there. the benefits system is a safety net for those in difficult circumstances. It’s not a life option. You’re now £12000 per year up with him there. You can’t have your cake and eat it. You’re a horrid person op.

Money grabber

Can you split everything two ways? Surely the simplest way.
Although if you don’t want him having any claim on your home you need to pay for that.

Does he have any of his things there? Any say on decorating/decisions about the house?

You can’t possibly ask him to give you that money. The WTC were to help you given no live in partner, you now have one.

However of you don’t want to live together change that now.

I was about to say he should contribute to the bills then saw he pays for all the food which is the same amount so actually it all seems to be totally fair. Also as he’s paying £350 for the groceries you’re actually down £250 a month not £600. Up to you whether you want him to move out or end your relationship over that of course but I think you’re being unreasonable to have this mindset.

In this situation, I'd be looking at ways to improve your income tbh. If I felt I needed more money I would try to earn it myself.

It's a shame you're looking at your relationship in a transactional way.

You could work more? To be honest, 'im earning 12k S/E' sounds a lot like 'i'm self employed and ensuring I stay under the personal allowance so I don't pay tax'

I don't think the up is being transactional. Just sensible.

The op.

You shouldn't have asked him to move in if you didn't want to take the cut in your benefits. Until you both decide to share finances and put his name on the house then bills etc should be split according to income or according to number of people.

Well you won't get your WTC back so giving it up was foolish tbh unless you wanted to live together long term anyway and were prepared for it.

However - you own a house outright and your outgoings are very low. He has reduced them further by paying for the food. Does he pay the extra council tax too? I really wouldn't be fussing much about this if you want to keep living together.

If you were happy the way things were it sounds like you've used him for his free live in care tbh.

It sounds like you don't actually need the benefit money. Presumably it is now going to someone who does. Over simplification I know.
Try changing your perspective: instead of £600 cold hard cash, you have someone to share your home and if with, surely that's hard to put a monetary value on. If not, maybe the relationship isn't right for you.

You aren't £600 down.

You no longer get £600 but you now don't buy the food, so that's £350 you don't pay out. Leaving a loss of £250.

If it's not financially viable then tell him so, ask him to move out again and then update tax credits.

Alternatively you could ask him to split all bills down the middle. It'll still work out the same but you might feel differently if you feel like you're going halves on everything.

If you shared children that would be different. But as it is, it's not reasonable to expect him to sub you.

I think your way of looking at this is a bit unhealthy to be honest, and not what I would expect when moving in with a partner (which should be a positive thing!)

If this is now a permanent thing, you need to think about how you're going to split costs going forward. If he's earning significantly more than you then yes, it does seem fair that he pays a higher proportion of the bills. But THAT'S the discussion you need to have, not about him paying back your tax credits.

I'd suggest that £12,000 a year when bills are only £350 a month is quite decent when you own a house outright anyway.

Yes it is odd, I was happy the way things were tbh. No care needed any more, this was a while ago, I'm fully recovered. Yes he does know I'm now not getting wtc

So ask him to move out! It's either a relationship - measured in social and emotional fulfilment - or a business transaction - measured in money. The two don't overlap.

Wow, OP, I hope you are still reading because you have had some harsh responses from PEOPLE WHO CANNOT READ.

Perhaps, now that you no longer need him to care for you, and he seems to think he can continue to live with you, rent free, you should tell him that you are now fully recovered and as he was only moving in to care for you, he can move out now.

If the relationship ends, so be it.

DO NOT let a man live with you against your wishes, just to keep a relationship. You were happy before, you are not happy now. It doesn't matter what the reason is - you are allowed to ask him to leave - especially as he moved in temporarily and has now stayed on.

Good luck OP.

This is the exact reason I never moved a man in with me when I was a single parent with 3 kids. I would have lost £900 a month and given him the financial power.

@Cocomarine

Also: how fucked is our benefits system that someone can get £600 a month from the state when they own a house outright? 😳

Oh dear Coco - you would have a heart attack at my circumstances. I was getting £900 a month tax credits plus over £1k in child maintenance and I own my own house!

It's outrageous that people who work can receive £600 per month from the state.

@Annasgirl

Wow, OP, I hope you are still reading because you have had some harsh responses from PEOPLE WHO CANNOT READ.

Perhaps, now that you no longer need him to care for you, and he seems to think he can continue to live with you, rent free, you should tell him that you are now fully recovered and as he was only moving in to care for you, he can move out now.

If the relationship ends, so be it.

DO NOT let a man live with you against your wishes, just to keep a relationship. You were happy before, you are not happy now. It doesn't matter what the reason is - you are allowed to ask him to leave - especially as he moved in temporarily and has now stayed on.

Good luck OP.

I'm not sure whether people are just interpreting the thread differently to you. OP is the exact type of person who give benefits a bad name.

OP owns a house outright, she has very low outgoings and seems to ensure her profits are just below the personal allowance so she doesn't have to pay tax (like the rest of the country). She then wants the government to give her more money, so not only is she not contributing to the system, she's taking out of it when she doesn't even need to!

Her partner then moves in to care for her and her benefits stop, as they should do because, and I can't emphasise this enough THEY ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FUN SPENDING MONEY FOR PEOPLE. They are supposed to ensure people are able to pay bills, which OP is NOT struggling with.

Her partner offers to pay half the bills but she's not happy with that, she wants him to pay her because she can't get government handouts anymore. Not even pay towards any bills, she literally wants him to pay her money because she can't ~scrounge~ get money from the government anymore.

Honestly OP, you do sound like a money grabber and massive CF money grabber

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

This is the exact reason I never moved a man in with me when I was a single parent with 3 kids. I would have lost £900 a month and given him the financial power.

Same. It’s a sad situation, but when living together means the lower earner loses out on the support they’ve been absolutely entitled to claim, and the higher earner gets to share living expenses with someone without necessarily balancing out the costs to the other person, it’s never going to work.

And for those saying “wtf that’s ridiculous” about home earners being entitled to tax credits - we cost less that those who are renting, and claiming the housing benefit portion of wtc.

Am I supposed to sell my house, move my kids and then fritter away the capital on extortionate rent, rather than pay half that on an interest only mortgage (equivalent of rent - the tax payer isn’t helping to buy my house, just allowing me to keep paying to live in it!)? Unless you’re in that situation Lee your judgment to yourself. Home owners get divorced too you know, and as single parents don’t always have the option to just “earn more”.

And for those saying “wtf that’s ridiculous” about home earners being entitled to tax credits - we cost less that those who are renting, and claiming the housing benefit portion of wtc

I’ll try again:

And for those saying “wtf that’s ridiculous” about home owners being entitled to tax credits - we cost less than those who are renting, and claiming the housing benefit portion of wtc

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe - you say that with a smiley emoji like you're proud? There is nothing to be proud about in your circumstances. You make a living from handouts rather than working for it. Disgusting. Reminds me of the girls in school who couldn't wait to finish school so they could start having babies and getting benefits.